Post by cagedadventurer on Jun 11, 2016 6:49:42 GMT -5
AM I CHANGING?
I woke up a bit after 6 this morning. It has been a week since her last period started. Historically, I would quietly lock the door and move her way even if rejection were expected. But not today! Why?
Historically, she would stay home with the kids and she always told critics that she knew raising her kids was her purpose. So after being home for years, she has managed a job at a local school for the past 3 years like an affair, in that it has been all consuming and always on her mind. I know it gave her some new purpose and that is important.
This also happened in 2011 for three months at a low volume restaurant gig she took on. Prior to that, it was a destitute family that she helped out somehow thinking she would “fix” their systematic lifestyle. Her missions are all consuming leaving us all wondering why she dumps us or trades us out. It’s like she needs a cause and we all get along pretty well, so little to “fix” here I guess.
But at home, we have all suffered with the neglect, fending for ourselves in most every way. For years now, I have had to pull the weight on the kid’s schooling, homework, (even though they were attending the same school!) laundry, cars, planning dinners, etc.. I always look through the Publix Ad for the deals - I love eating well and I find it rather easy to accomplish with no more than an hour/week of planning. She gives it no interest. (She does prepare dinners occasionally and often is very good and she has done well with the boy’s lunches - I refused to make the kid’s lunches long ago telling her that the more I do like that to help out, the longer she spends in the bathroom, meanwhile I get behind in my own work. I still pay care.com as a back-up for help as she has been so useless here and I have a heavy job overall.
It’s all she can do to watch a movie in the living room with us as a family. She goes off by herself very often when she is home or she is on her phone with students, student’s parents, other co-workers, etc. She has shown that she thrives on drama (aka gossip) with work, family, etc. - though she is normally a peaceable person. If not otherwise occupied, she takes long showers, spends long time periods in the bathroom, then it’s TV with the sleep timer on. Just to repeat this ignore the family, do the minimum engagement function.
Previously, the family stuff/home school is all she could/would do. To the extent of living where there is no extended family nearby to interfere and she does not like to make friends or really socialize. We – the family are no longer enough it appears. And I feel isolated. I enjoy social as much as quiet time.
LATELY - W has been ultra-friendly with me, almost playful over the past 3 weeks EXACTLY timed to when she knew the school job was over (basically the affair ended). To an extent, she is also relieved BUT it feels obvious to me that she seems to be trying to make sure she is not an Island, basically the “affair” she has had with work is over so she needs me again. I’m the reliable default guy. So I am thinking clearly? Has all doubt been removed inn my mind as to my status? That I am just that anchor taken for granted as are the kids? So I know to go in and have sex, will not mean anything at all to me now? There is no bonding, just an act. She may be available (possibly) but she does not initiate. But to keep the peace, she’ll “let” me. But rather, here I am conferring with you all. Have I changed or have I just woken up?
I am going for a bike ride now, and I’ll plan a summer of fun with or without her involvement. Boys need to learn to camp and I love adventures. Meanwhile, I am still looking for the duplex or multi-family unit to buy this summer.
I woke up a bit after 6 this morning. It has been a week since her last period started. Historically, I would quietly lock the door and move her way even if rejection were expected. But not today! Why?
Historically, she would stay home with the kids and she always told critics that she knew raising her kids was her purpose. So after being home for years, she has managed a job at a local school for the past 3 years like an affair, in that it has been all consuming and always on her mind. I know it gave her some new purpose and that is important.
This also happened in 2011 for three months at a low volume restaurant gig she took on. Prior to that, it was a destitute family that she helped out somehow thinking she would “fix” their systematic lifestyle. Her missions are all consuming leaving us all wondering why she dumps us or trades us out. It’s like she needs a cause and we all get along pretty well, so little to “fix” here I guess.
But at home, we have all suffered with the neglect, fending for ourselves in most every way. For years now, I have had to pull the weight on the kid’s schooling, homework, (even though they were attending the same school!) laundry, cars, planning dinners, etc.. I always look through the Publix Ad for the deals - I love eating well and I find it rather easy to accomplish with no more than an hour/week of planning. She gives it no interest. (She does prepare dinners occasionally and often is very good and she has done well with the boy’s lunches - I refused to make the kid’s lunches long ago telling her that the more I do like that to help out, the longer she spends in the bathroom, meanwhile I get behind in my own work. I still pay care.com as a back-up for help as she has been so useless here and I have a heavy job overall.
It’s all she can do to watch a movie in the living room with us as a family. She goes off by herself very often when she is home or she is on her phone with students, student’s parents, other co-workers, etc. She has shown that she thrives on drama (aka gossip) with work, family, etc. - though she is normally a peaceable person. If not otherwise occupied, she takes long showers, spends long time periods in the bathroom, then it’s TV with the sleep timer on. Just to repeat this ignore the family, do the minimum engagement function.
Previously, the family stuff/home school is all she could/would do. To the extent of living where there is no extended family nearby to interfere and she does not like to make friends or really socialize. We – the family are no longer enough it appears. And I feel isolated. I enjoy social as much as quiet time.
LATELY - W has been ultra-friendly with me, almost playful over the past 3 weeks EXACTLY timed to when she knew the school job was over (basically the affair ended). To an extent, she is also relieved BUT it feels obvious to me that she seems to be trying to make sure she is not an Island, basically the “affair” she has had with work is over so she needs me again. I’m the reliable default guy. So I am thinking clearly? Has all doubt been removed inn my mind as to my status? That I am just that anchor taken for granted as are the kids? So I know to go in and have sex, will not mean anything at all to me now? There is no bonding, just an act. She may be available (possibly) but she does not initiate. But to keep the peace, she’ll “let” me. But rather, here I am conferring with you all. Have I changed or have I just woken up?
I am going for a bike ride now, and I’ll plan a summer of fun with or without her involvement. Boys need to learn to camp and I love adventures. Meanwhile, I am still looking for the duplex or multi-family unit to buy this summer.
