Post by m76 on Aug 23, 2023 17:30:05 GMT -5
I had my first counseling session today and I thought I'd share something. Its not a solution but it explains why many of us in a SM feel so depressed. It mostly deals with the relationship between infants and caregivers but they also draw the parallels between those relationships and romantic ones:
labs.psychology.illinois.edu/~rcfraley/attachment.htm
"Hazan and Shaver noted that the relationship between infants and caregivers and the relationship between adult romantic partners share the following features:
both feel safe when the other is nearby and responsive
both engage in close, intimate, bodily contact
both feel insecure when the other is inaccessible
both share discoveries with one another
both play with one another's facial features and exhibit a mutual fascination and preoccupation with one another
both engage in "baby talk"
On the basis of these parallels, Hazan and Shaver argued that adult romantic relationships, like infant-caregiver relationships, are attachments, and that romantic love is a property of the attachment behavioral system, as well as the motivational systems that give rise to caregiving and sexuality."
There's a lot to unpack with this but at its core, it seems like for adults to be happy we need someone that we are 100% comfortable with and can share our feelings with.
So what' I'm grappling with, did the relationship disconnect come before the lack of physical intimacy or did the lack of physical intimacy cause the relationship disconnect and can that attachment be restored?
labs.psychology.illinois.edu/~rcfraley/attachment.htm
"Hazan and Shaver noted that the relationship between infants and caregivers and the relationship between adult romantic partners share the following features:
both feel safe when the other is nearby and responsive
both engage in close, intimate, bodily contact
both feel insecure when the other is inaccessible
both share discoveries with one another
both play with one another's facial features and exhibit a mutual fascination and preoccupation with one another
both engage in "baby talk"
On the basis of these parallels, Hazan and Shaver argued that adult romantic relationships, like infant-caregiver relationships, are attachments, and that romantic love is a property of the attachment behavioral system, as well as the motivational systems that give rise to caregiving and sexuality."
There's a lot to unpack with this but at its core, it seems like for adults to be happy we need someone that we are 100% comfortable with and can share our feelings with.
So what' I'm grappling with, did the relationship disconnect come before the lack of physical intimacy or did the lack of physical intimacy cause the relationship disconnect and can that attachment be restored?
