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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 21, 2023 19:22:15 GMT -5
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Post by toughtiger on Aug 22, 2023 0:13:50 GMT -5
There IMO are both pros and cons in starting over .... this video covers many of the topics in this. I am not sure i would want to be involved with a widower with invisible competition....
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 22, 2023 5:07:09 GMT -5
There IMO are both pros and cons in starting over .... this video covers many of the topics in this. I am not sure i would want to be involved with a widower with invisible competition.... It's a lot to think about, isn't it? In many ways I see little difference in a widow and a person coming from a SM. SM's are also known as a DBR (Dead Bed Room). I remember my now ex saying very proudly " I detached myself from you, years ago!". Their are widows who are coming from a healthy marriage that had good intimacy sex! My last relationship of a steady 3 yrs, ended when she up and leaves with no explanation...I felt like I was widowed. ( the same for 5 of my 6 kids who my ex has alienated from me- that's a whole nother story for a different section/post) As life goes on you will meet a widow/widower. I can think of 4 that i know in my 'dance community'. 1) Jack, hes now 83 yrs.old. Rumor is, his wife died a couple years ago and less than 2 weeks after his wife's death he was posting pics of him and a younger chic out on cruises! 2) Jason, in his early 50's,his wife died a slow death of cancer. Before that they both always danced together ,several days a week. For years he was out dancing with many other women, with her permission while she was home. We even had a dinner/dance/funeral in her honor. He's not around very often, lately. 3) Suzanne is now 55 yrs old. A single widow, her second marriage was at age 43 her H died when she was 46. She has no children. She talks very little about him, mostly saying how bad it was and that he was a narcissist. Now she's retired and taking dancing lessons 7 days a week 20+ hrs a week,and caring for her cats and aging parents. ( she seems afraid of a commitment) ( she has a small tattoo on her arm of the date her "H" passed away) 4) Kim in her early 50's, retired and her fiancee passed away from cancer a year ago and is slowly getting back to dancing and meeting men again. I've never met a woman with a constant smile like hers! She's also 2 to 3 inches taller than me! and looks like she's 40 yrs. old! The other week I was dancing with a new girl on the dance floor, Kim walks by and says to me , with her great, flirting smile," you didn't dip me like that! LOL!" I tell her " next dance, you'll see! I promise!" Side note: Some widows benefit from the financial gain of a life insurance policy. That in-itself can be a life altering event that changes their life style and can affect their choices in a new relationship.
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Post by toughtiger on Aug 22, 2023 19:08:47 GMT -5
I think as we get older this is a great option ... young adult kids can be jerks about divorce but if death they may want a parent to move on .... younger kids do not want that. me and my siblings were teens but hated the idea and did not treat who would end up as our step dad well at first.
as long as they did not say x did something a certain way or compared all to x etc i think i could get along in dating.
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Post by TMD on Aug 24, 2023 1:12:19 GMT -5
Interesting thread. My dad died last year. His wife told me recently that she’s dating TWO men. One her age (we are same age) , the other my dad’s age, 20ish years older. She says the older man, divorced, understands that she has a past and supports her as she grieves. The younger makes space for her grief, but doesn’t quite understand. I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to approach dating after one’s partner has died. Do what works for you.
I think the love she shared with my dad makes her desire another healthy relationship. I hope she finds one. It was such a deep privilege to be a witness to their love in my dads’s final days. Days after he stopped communicating, on his last day, when she entered the hospice room with good personal news, my dad made sounds. He heard her. He shared in her joy. That kind of love will make one want it again; not the same, but something.
I know I would want it if I lost it.
She shared a photo today related to this subject. I’ll see if I can share it on this thread.
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Post by TMD on Aug 24, 2023 1:12:48 GMT -5
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 24, 2023 7:48:05 GMT -5
Interesting thread. My dad died last year. His wife told me recently that she’s dating TWO men. One her age (we are same age) , the other my dad’s age, 20ish years older. She says the older man, divorced, understands that she has a past and supports her as she grieves. The younger makes space for her grief, but doesn’t quite understand. I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to approach dating after one’s partner has died. Do what works for you. I think the love she shared with my dad mates her desire another healthy relationship. I hope she finds one. It was such a deep privilege to be a witness to their love in my dads’s final days. Days after he stopped communicating, on his last day, when she entered the hospice room with good personal news, my dad made sounds. He heard her. He shared in her joy. That kind of love will make one want it again; not the same, but something. I know I would want it if I lost it. She shared a photo today related to this subject. I’ll see if I can share it on this thread. Thanks for sharing this! It's a great story! Dad made sounds and shared in her Joy.....what a touching heart warming story! It gives hope! I read this last night and thought it would be appropriate to share it. Either divorced or widowed, I think it applies.
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 24, 2023 8:46:34 GMT -5
I think as we get older this is a great option ... young adult kids can be jerks about divorce but if death they may want a parent to move on .... younger kids do not want that. me and my siblings were teens but hated the idea and did not treat who would end up as our step dad well at first. as long as they did not say x did something a certain way or compared all to x etc i think i could get along in dating. as long as they did not say x did something a certain way or compared all to x etc i think i could get along in dating.My experiences have been that comparing is inevitable as we heal and move forward. Here's some of my personal examples from opposit land. They may not be comparing more like 'duplicating'. When I got divorced 5 yrs. ago i was forced into "zip code therapy". This 2nd time (my sudden ghosting from my woman of a 3 yr relationship) there is no zip code therapy. So I will be duplicating many of the things that worked succsesfully for the two of us, and things that define me, and I found joy in. Taking walks around the neighborhood, hand in hand. (protecting my woman, me on the outside,street side her on the inside, curb side.) Sex in all the same familiar places in my own home again. ( maybe in her home? Something I didn't have in my last relationship!) Using the same sexual restraining devices that i used in my last relationship. Going to the same parks, restaurants, theaters, art shows, beaches, etc... that I got to do with my now ex girlfriend. ( and new things that my ex didn't want to do- boating, surfing, dancing, exercising!) Many of these things are events that I planned, offered and made happen by taking charge, and being the leader. Being myself and looking forward to sharing it again with someone new. Just as important is having a best friend again. What makes a best friend? Someone you can be honest and open with, you can be your true self! That's going to include help recovering from the past when it shows itself in the present. ( just tread carefully and don't dwell on it. )Tell your new partner " thank you for understanding" and move forward! When we get excited about life,
We get a life that is exciting!
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