|
|
Post by memyselfandi on Jun 11, 2023 15:03:57 GMT -5
First of all…so happy I found this forum. I feel all of your pain, but it also feels less lonely knowing so many of us, irrespective of gender, go through the same issues. How did I end up here? I have been compensating neglect and lack of any physical touch by engaging in primarily sex driven chats or I have recently reached the point where I indulge in another woman’s attention. I am still a handsome, charming, educated and successful man…I get attention from women outside my marriage, which pisses me off even more…bc I wanted that from my wife. Back on track…I realized sex is part of what I miss…but what makes me really lonely is the lack of any connection…it’s 4am, jet lagged in a hotel in Australia…I could get some sexual adrenalin rush going…but all I am craving is just to talk to someone I can relate to, just a friendly voice of someone with the same need. None deserves to feel like this  but I also want to be a resource for people who may need a friendly word. Sorry for the stream of consciousness…glad to be here! |
|
|
|
Post by ironhamster on Jun 11, 2023 17:49:20 GMT -5
Welcome to the club nobody wants to be a member of. It's good to know you aren't alone. There's a lot of back stories here, and a lot of helpful insights and advise.
|
|
|
|
Post by baza on Jun 11, 2023 18:45:17 GMT -5
Welcome Brother memyselfandi . Most members when first posting here usually take a position that - "everything is great bar the sex" Then, as they add to their story the true position comes out that everything is not so great and the paucity of sex is really a symptom of a more fundamental disconnection. Your post reads like you are past that "everything is great bar the sex" position.. That's a good thing and puts you a bit closer to seeing the truth of your situation. Welcome, hope you find some value in this group as you work your way through your journey. |
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Jun 12, 2023 7:46:08 GMT -5
welcome to the site memyselfandi,...One of the things that added to the ending of my SM was the lack of intiomacy. Not just the sex, but the pushing away I experienced from my then W. My SM was relatively short compared with most members here, just a few years, but it was long enough that I can empathise with anyone feeling neglected and abandonded by their spouse when it comes to sex or intimacy. I don't read any why chasing in your post, and that is probably good. I'm guessing you have had talks with your W about how her actions or inactions are affecting you and the marriage. How has she responded or replied to you during and after those talks?
|
|
lonelygirlcity
New Member
Lonely & longing inside a sexless relationship that I can’t endure forever because it hurts too bad.
Posts: 4 
Age Range: 36-40
|
Post by lonelygirlcity on Jun 14, 2023 21:41:32 GMT -5
I absolutely understand what you mean & how you feel. Sex is the surface issue in my relationship (a term I use loosely since we’re technically broken up but living together with separate bedrooms until finances improve for us to part ways).
Sex is important to me obviously, but even if we didn’t ever have sex again I think I would be willing to live with that if he tried more in the non-sexual touch department. He only shows me interest when he knows I’m upset or worse, when I’m happy because I’ve gone to dinner with a guys and suddenly he’s paying attention to me again. I too want the feeling of having someone else actually there for me. Hope you feel better soon & got back safe ✈️
|
|
|
|
Post by mirrororchid on Jun 15, 2023 19:38:39 GMT -5
... I have recently reached the point where I indulge in another woman’s attention. I am still a handsome, charming, educated and successful man…I get attention from women outside my marriage, which pisses me off even more…bc I wanted that from my wife. Back on track…I realized sex is part of what I miss…but what makes me really lonely is the lack of any connection…it’s 4am, jet lagged in a hotel in Australia…I could get some sexual adrenalin rush going…but all I am craving is just to talk to someone I can relate to, just a friendly voice of someone with the same need.... So, you have FWBs, but you'd like a girlfriend? An emotional investment? Would that be scary? A betrayal? An actual affair, rather than meaningless sex to blow off steam? |
|
|
|
Post by deadzone75 on Jul 25, 2023 10:18:59 GMT -5
Think it's obvious this was another fake drive-by post. An obvious giveaway was the whole "I'm so handsome and charming" followed by the " but I want to help YOU" bit. Nobody in any realm of SM thinks so highly of themselves.
|
|
|
|
Post by mirrororchid on Jul 26, 2023 6:54:59 GMT -5
Possible.
Cynicism could be dangerous here though.
You're right that self-confidence is not the norm.
I was at a very low point before my dating gave me an objective outside opinion that dashed fatalism.
|
|
|
|
Post by deadzone75 on Jul 26, 2023 10:43:11 GMT -5
Possible. Cynicism could be dangerous here though. You're right that self-confidence is not the norm. I was at a very low point before my dating gave me an objective outside opinion that dashed fatalism. Of course, we've all been new here. None of us would have stuck around long if the validity of our stories were questioned from the start. However, this place has been bombarded with drive-by posts in recent years, and that has played a big part in its downfall. People go out of their way to welcome and offer advice to new members, and nothing. You begin to not even want to respond, which is not helpful to the people who are legitimate. In this case especially, it reads like an ad for exactly what he says he's into: sex chats. |
|
|
|
Post by aquacat on Aug 3, 2023 21:31:49 GMT -5
I miss being touched even in non sexual ways. I’m touch starved for sure. I always have to ask to have her rub my back and I can tell she doesn’t really want to, but oh wait she wants me to rub on her back whenever.
|
|
|
|
Post by blunder8 on Aug 4, 2023 10:23:30 GMT -5
I miss being touched even in non sexual ways. I’m touch starved for sure. I always have to ask to have her rub my back and I can tell she doesn’t really want to, but oh wait she wants me to rub on her back whenever. That's in the refuser's playbook. It's all about their needs and nothing, or very little, about yours. Some are very aware of what they're doing. In my case, my wife was 100% oblivious to my wants and needs. |
|
|
|
Post by toughtiger on Aug 14, 2023 14:25:30 GMT -5
I agree it is all about the refuser's playbook.....
i have rubbed back or neck even feet for him and for the sake of maybe just maybe he will cuddle or rub anywhere on me ... NOPE
the first close to 20 years of marriage he often honked my breast when he walked by ....NOW it has been years since he even touched them and only thing he even noticed was he thought a few shirts were showing too much.... what does he care he has no use for my body.... who cares if others look.
Besides touch even a compliment would be nice .... I lost weight and all he said was i was doing it to show him up ... changed or color hair ... he never noticed until neighbor spoke up . seriously would make it tolerable if he was even pleasant ....
|
|
|
|
Post by blunder8 on Aug 15, 2023 16:20:29 GMT -5
I agree it is all about the refuser's playbook..... i have rubbed back or neck even feet for him and for the sake of maybe just maybe he will cuddle or rub anywhere on me ... NOPE the first close to 20 years of marriage he often honked my breast when he walked by ....NOW it has been years since he even touched them and only thing he even noticed was he thought a few shirts were showing too much.... what does he care he has no use for my body.... who cares if others look. Besides touch even a compliment would be nice .... I lost weight and all he said was i was doing it to show him up ... changed or color hair ... he never noticed until neighbor spoke up . seriously would make it tolerable if he was even pleasant .... That sucks. I completely know the feeling. I turned it around and decided improvements to me (weight loss, improved fitness) are for me and my improved confidence/self esteem and not to get her attention. Doing so is looking after yourself first. If it also works to get compliments and more touches, that's nice but the goal is to keep improving for my sake. |
|
but I also want to be a resource for people who may need a friendly word. Sorry for the stream of consciousness…glad to be here!
