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Post by blunder8 on Mar 24, 2023 16:16:45 GMT -5
My sexless marriage is in recovery. I'm still in the "trust but verify" stage of the recovery.
A few mornings ago she made it a point to tell me she had a very vivid sexual dream. I asked if I was in it and she rolled her eyes and said "yes, of course!" Naturally I pressed her for details. As she is very good at, she stealthily changed the subject without giving me any insight. And, no, nothing has happened in bed since then.
What to make of this?
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Post by mirrororchid on Mar 24, 2023 18:12:17 GMT -5
My sexless marriage is in recovery. I'm still in the "trust but verify" stage of the recovery. A few mornings ago she made it a point to tell me she had a very vivid sexual dream. I asked if I was in it and she rolled her eyes and said "yes, of course!" Naturally I pressed her for details. As she is very good at, she stealthily changed the subject without giving me any insight. And, no, nothing has happened in bed since then. What to make of this? I'd think she's shy about talking about sex. Even imaginary sex in dreams. She told you so you'd know she thinks of you that way after the recovery. A little ego boost for you. Then you brought her out of her comfort zone asking her to describe it. That'd be my guess. |
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Post by csl on Mar 25, 2023 6:06:07 GMT -5
My sexless marriage is in recovery. I'm still in the "trust but verify" stage of the recovery. A few mornings ago she made it a point to tell me she had a very vivid sexual dream. I asked if I was in it and she rolled her eyes and said "yes, of course!" Naturally I pressed her for details. As she is very good at, she stealthily changed the subject without giving me any insight. And, no, nothing has happened in bed since then. What to make of this? Blunder8, Yesterday, after a read a comment of yours, I went back and familiarized myself with your situation, and saw that you were are this stage you reference above. I don't know what site your wife read, but I do know of one that might have been the template for your situration and your wife's subsequent change: The Forgiven Wife. As to your "trust but verify", Chris (Forgiven Wife) addresses the fear of being cut off again, in an old post entitled What If Your Husband Responds Negatively...At the end of the article, there are links to other posts that she has written about different aspects of the topic, and the one entitled "I've Changed But My Husband Hasn't Noticed" might also be of help. csl |
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Post by blunder8 on Mar 25, 2023 7:38:50 GMT -5
My sexless marriage is in recovery. I'm still in the "trust but verify" stage of the recovery. A few mornings ago she made it a point to tell me she had a very vivid sexual dream. I asked if I was in it and she rolled her eyes and said "yes, of course!" Naturally I pressed her for details. As she is very good at, she stealthily changed the subject without giving me any insight. And, no, nothing has happened in bed since then. What to make of this? I'd think she's shy about talking about sex. Even imaginary sex in dreams. She told you so you'd know she thinks of you that way after the recovery. A little ego boost for you. Then you brought her out of her comfort zone asking her to describe it. That'd be my guess. That seems pretty close to the mark. I love sex and I love talking about sex. She is very inhibited, and I can't change that. There is what you wish for and what you can accept. And I can accept that she lovingly offers herself now on occasion. I just can't understand why she would mention a naughty dream and tease me by then shutting down the conversation. Baby steps. |
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Post by blunder8 on Mar 25, 2023 7:49:47 GMT -5
My sexless marriage is in recovery. I'm still in the "trust but verify" stage of the recovery. A few mornings ago she made it a point to tell me she had a very vivid sexual dream. I asked if I was in it and she rolled her eyes and said "yes, of course!" Naturally I pressed her for details. As she is very good at, she stealthily changed the subject without giving me any insight. And, no, nothing has happened in bed since then. What to make of this? Blunder8, Yesterday, after a read a comment of yours, I went back and familiarized myself with your situation, and saw that you were are this stage you reference above. I don't know what site your wife read, but I do know of one that might have been the template for your situration and your wife's subsequent change: The Forgiven Wife. As to your "trust but verify", Chris (Forgiven Wife) addresses the fear of being cut off again, in an old post entitled What If Your Husband Responds Negatively...At the end of the article, there are links to other posts that she has written about different aspects of the topic, and the one entitled "I've Changed But My Husband Hasn't Noticed" might also be of help. csl Thanks. Good article. I have fully forgiven my wife because I believe she is sincere in acknowledging the pain it caused. The turnaround is still new enough that I fear it won't last. The bar to have more frequent sex was set so low that I sometimes feel that the recovery could be more robust if the answer was "yes" just a little more often. I don't pressure her because I don't want to jeopardize what has been a stunning, unexpected change. I just can't shake the fear that the gradual slippage back to the mean (average) may occur. Bringing up naughty dreams without exploring that dream doesn't help. I'll be fine; just needed to vent. Thank you. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 25, 2023 9:42:12 GMT -5
Blunder8, I just can't shake the fear that the gradual slippage back to the mean (average) may occur. Bringing up naughty dreams without exploring that dream doesn't help. I'll be fine; just needed to vent. Thank you.Friend you won't be "fine"...it's normal and understandable to have fears, doubts concerns. You gave your trust, and it was cheated, taken from you, and now your giving it back again. That's worth a lot, and should be valued and treated as such!! I've got an opinion (that's all it is) about the dream. Dreams can be weird, almost embarrassing to talk about! And hard to remember- I read somewhere that once you're fully awake within a few minutes you loose memory of most of what seems like a vivid dream. Do you think she fears you will take it the wrong way? That if she did have some kind of weird kinky dream that she actually wants to act it out? ( my thoughts are that she doesn't) My other thought is that it's a dangling carrot, a delay tactic, to give you a few more crumbs of what you want to hear ( words) without having to give actions. Being patient is a virtue... with a fine line between not getting your needs acted upon as well. |
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Post by blunder8 on Mar 25, 2023 18:57:51 GMT -5
Do you think she fears you will take it the wrong way? That if she did have some kind of weird kinky dream that she actually wants to act it out? ( my thoughts are that she doesn't) My other thought is that it's a dangling carrot, a delay tactic, to give you a few more crumbs of what you want to hear ( words) without having to give actions. Being patient is a virtue... with a fine line between not getting your needs acted upon as well. I'm not sure she's ever had a kinky thought in her life. I lean more to she wants to throw me a gesture, or stroke my ego by telling me her subconscious mind is thinking about sex. It's no secret i want her to be more adventurous. I was hoping to use her naughty dream to explore a deep desire. Not a deal breaker, but definitely an opportunity that flashed and was gone before I could blink. Life is weird sometimes. |
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