Post by holdfast on Mar 15, 2023 22:21:26 GMT -5
Thoughts on "sleeptouching" (semi-conscious, intimate but not intentionally - or necessarily - sexual contact)?
Since we first shared a bed 36 years ago, I have felt that the sweetest part of sleeping together is being able to reach out in the dark and feel the comfort of each other’s presence. To know that she is there and to let her know that I am here, that we are together, safe, in our home. Whatever dreams or night terrors come are dispersed and fade away, and we can drift back into sleep. Until last Friday I believed that this was one of the greatest blessings of marriage, and that our bed was a special refuge of solace, peace, and joy.
Then my wife told me that this sleeptouching has been making her feel "used like a toy", disrespected, and forsaken or unwanted. Still trying to grok that last bit, since she has abandoned me sexually for these past 10 years. She said it happens much more frequently than I realize, because I often don't wake up enough to remember it.
I was shocked and dismayed - horrified is not an exaggeration - to realize that this is her experience. So, I have been sleeping on the sofa since then because I don't know how to keep myself from reaching out in my sleep, and I refuse to risk making her feel that way again.
It has been a disorienting and surreal week...everything looks different, sounds different, feels different like a putting on a stiff starched shirt or looking at overexposed black and white photos.
Another in the string of earthquakes that have been crumbling this relationship over these past few years.
What do you think about "sleeptouching"? Pro or anti?
Since we first shared a bed 36 years ago, I have felt that the sweetest part of sleeping together is being able to reach out in the dark and feel the comfort of each other’s presence. To know that she is there and to let her know that I am here, that we are together, safe, in our home. Whatever dreams or night terrors come are dispersed and fade away, and we can drift back into sleep. Until last Friday I believed that this was one of the greatest blessings of marriage, and that our bed was a special refuge of solace, peace, and joy.
Then my wife told me that this sleeptouching has been making her feel "used like a toy", disrespected, and forsaken or unwanted. Still trying to grok that last bit, since she has abandoned me sexually for these past 10 years. She said it happens much more frequently than I realize, because I often don't wake up enough to remember it.
I was shocked and dismayed - horrified is not an exaggeration - to realize that this is her experience. So, I have been sleeping on the sofa since then because I don't know how to keep myself from reaching out in my sleep, and I refuse to risk making her feel that way again.
It has been a disorienting and surreal week...everything looks different, sounds different, feels different like a putting on a stiff starched shirt or looking at overexposed black and white photos.
Another in the string of earthquakes that have been crumbling this relationship over these past few years.
What do you think about "sleeptouching"? Pro or anti?
