I identified with her description of how mothers with young children lie to themselves and say that they'll reconnect with their husbands later in life. Then, when the kids are teenagers, nope that's too stressful and intimacy needs to get kicked down the road a bit. This was very much true in our marriage.
Her advice was spot on: that men need to deal with this when the kids are young. Figure out if you are going to have a future that includes sex, and that future starts when the kids are young. Don't expect her to come around later, when too many years have passed.
This story was SOOO accurate in describing my ex W's take on prioritizing family over marriage!
Now that I'm 59 yrs. old I'm meeting women who are the bi-products of this life, and are rejectful of commitment with a man. They are now interfering with grand children, or have 30 yr. olds living with them. They are all about their "social" life and want one dance with you, one dinner with you, maybe a night at a musical, all with very surface "connecting".
Their "connecting " is with children....again.
It was never addressed in the younger family years and is now ingrained in their life style, of " not wanting or needing a man".
Heck, I was Mr' stay at home dad/ homeschooler, caretaker of my FIL, daycare worker, for 20 yrs. I received tons of love, respect, admiration and intimacy , from my 6 kids, FIL, and the dog....1000% more than from my frigid now, ex W.
However I still crave the "relationship" from a woman my age! While remaining total self reliant and independent.
Somehow our society sets up these false choices. If a woman devotes all of her time and attention to her children, at the expense of her suffering husband, that's perfectly acceptable behavior. In this view, the kids always come first. Sure, kids by nature need and demand a big chunk of our time and attention. No one advocates for child neglect, yet neglect of marital responsibilities gets swept under the rug . . . or in our case it gets relegated to an internet forum. Where are the 20/20 specials about the wrecking ball that is sexless marriage? Why is all of the information on SM on obscure blogs?
I am fascinated by your experience that it "sticks" with women, who carry it on to later relationships. It's probably natural, in that women are the more nurturing (generally) and need to take care of family in ways that men don't always do. You and I are the same age. I've only been married to one woman and we are working through our issues, thank God. I hope to never be looking for another relationship.