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Post by worksforme2 on Jan 30, 2023 17:09:47 GMT -5
I had a 1st meeting with a woman on Saturday evening. And i want to know if I was being cheap or was she trying to take advantage of me.
I met this woman via a dating site, she reached out to me first. And after a couple lengthy conversations we decided to meet. She had mentioned she liked wine. There is a winery close to both of us that she had never been to. I have been there a # of times so I choose it for our 1st meet. At the winery we picked out the wines we though sounded good and ordered 7 to taste. We spent about an hour and a half talking and tasting. The wines were mostly pretty bad, but the conversation was good. However, I was not feeling any chemistry with her. And if body language means anything I don't think she was feeling it either. So at the end of the tasting, she went to the bathroom, and I went up and paid for the wine. When she came back from the bathroom she ask if we could have dinner. I had eaten before coming, she it seems had not. The food menu at the winery was pretty ritzy and so were the prices. And I had decided there was going to be no 2nd meeting. I suggested we go back to town, and she could pick from the restaurants there. Short story, I did not buy her a meal. Was I being cheap or did i owe her a meal for a bit of conversation? I know the guy typically pays for the 1st date, but this was just a meet and greet in my mind, not a date.
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 30, 2023 17:34:33 GMT -5
I don't think you were rude. It was nice -- though not required -- for you to pay for the wine.If I'd been the woman, I'd have offered to split the bill. I'd also have viewed the winery meeting as a test to see if there was chemistry. No need to go out to dinner if there's no chemistry. And I don't think you owed her dinner. She asked you out. Even if she hadn't been the one to suggest the date, if there's no chemistry,I wouldn't see a reason to go to dinner after meeting for wine. Bottom line: I don't think you owed her a meal. I don't know if she was trying to score a free meal. It's possible that she actually wanted to know you better. Sometimes lack of chemistry is one-sided especially if the person who doesn't feel chemistry is polite during the meeting and doesn't seem bored.
Also, I'm with you. I'd have interpreted the meeting as a meet and greet to test the waters to see if we were compatible.
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Post by mirrororchid on Jan 31, 2023 7:20:35 GMT -5
I don't think you were rude. It was nice -- though not required -- for you to pay for the wine. If I'd been the woman, I'd have offered to split the bill. I'd also have viewed the winery meeting as a test to see if there was chemistry. No need to go out to dinner if there's no chemistry. And I don't think you owed her dinner. She asked you out. Even if she hadn't been the one to suggest the date, if there's no chemistry, I wouldn't see a reason to go to dinner after meeting for wine. Bottom line: I don't think you owed her a meal. I don't know if she was trying to score a free meal. It's possible that she actually wanted to know you better. Sometimes lack of chemistry is one-sided especially if the person who doesn't feel chemistry is polite during the meeting and doesn't seem bored. Also, I'm with you. I'd have interpreted the meeting as a meet and greet to test the waters to see if we were compatible. I'm inclined to think if he'd winced at the offer and said, "Oof, sorry! I've got plans." It would have been an A+ extraction.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jan 31, 2023 11:43:45 GMT -5
I'm inclined to think if he'd winced at the offer and said, "Oof, sorry! I've got plans." It would have been an A+ extraction. I was actually looking forward to the tasting. She is an attractive woman and interesting to talk with. But there was just no chemistry for me and her leaning away and crossing her arms in front of her communicated to me she wasn't feeling it either. So wait for the right opportunity and call it a day, which is what I did.
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 31, 2023 15:15:48 GMT -5
"But there was just no chemistry for me and her leaning away and crossing her arms in front of her communicated to me she wasn't feeling it either. "
I don't know why she suggested dinner then. Maybe she was being polite.
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Post by mirrororchid on Feb 1, 2023 5:37:08 GMT -5
"But there was just no chemistry for me and her leaning away and crossing her arms in front of her communicated to me she wasn't feeling it either. " I don't know why she suggested dinner then. Maybe she was being polite. I'm wondering if the conversation was a good way to spend the night, even if it wasn't going to become romantic. Worksforme2 has said in other posts he makes sure he conveys physical interest at some point so as not to waste everyone's time. It's possible she's not as interested in a physical connection but our friend is a charming companion? So what do you do? Enjoy the night, but send signals (consciously or not, that she wasn't going to take things to a new level? That Worksforme2 was ready to continue the night anyway (offering to go elsewhere with her), despite lack of chemistry, suggests that there was amusement in her company and the feeling may have been mutual. This possibility means my suggestion of an extraction would not have been the goal and I was off-base. Just cuz you're not getting lucky doesn't mean it's a bad way to spend time.
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Post by Apocrypha on Feb 6, 2023 13:03:47 GMT -5
I had a 1st meeting with a woman on Saturday evening. And i want to know if I was being cheap or was she trying to take advantage of me. [...] I went up and paid for the wine. When she came back from the bathroom she ask if we could have dinner. I had eaten before coming, she it seems had not. The food menu at the winery was pretty ritzy and so were the prices. And I had decided there was going to be no 2nd meeting. I suggested we go back to town, and she could pick from the restaurants there. Short story, I did not buy her a meal. Was I being cheap or did i owe her a meal for a bit of conversation? I know the guy typically pays for the 1st date, but this was just a meet and greet in my mind, not a date. You were 100% in the clear. It was a first meet. I always do those outside of dinner hour and I communicate intent that way. "Meet after work until 6 - then I must leave to get the kids dinner" or "meet after we are done dinner". The vast majority of first meets involve a man paying, and there are likely to be many first meets compared to second meets. At the price of dinner, this just isn't feasible. 2nd or third date may be dinner worthy. When I first started dating, I was less clear about the dinner situation and ended up getting rolled for a number of dinners plus drinks that I paid for. I am always prepared to pay for full dinner if I happen to get rolled. I don't like it at all when someone I just met asks to upgrade a date to dinner, unless she says "my treat".
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