Post by greatcoastal on Dec 18, 2022 7:50:01 GMT -5
medium.com/@drpsychmom/i-want-to-be-done-with-my-husbands-family-s-awful-christmas-gift-exchange-c9fd3582a1e8
I loved this article! It reminded me of how many decades we have gone through the torture of a SM! And how to end it and say "no more!"
(And so much of the toxicity that 'family' brings into the holiday)
(greatcoastal)
I Want To Be Done With My Husband’s Family’s Awful Christmas Gift Exchange
Reader Grinch writes,
Most of my husband’s family lives near where he grew up. We live about five or six hours away. Both of us have eye problems so we don’t drive at night (we are in our sixties.) The year I married into the family nearly 40 years ago, they started a drawing rather than give gifts to everyone. We give gifts to all the children (we have one adult son who benefited) until they graduate from college.
Since we live far away, we’ve been quite diligent about getting all gifts there on time for the family Christmas, even though we do not attend, and there is no interest in anyone coming our way. For the last few years, whoever has drawn me has sent the gift after Christmas. This year the gift has not yet arrived (giving the giver the benefit of the doubt). Also, none of our gifts have ever been acknowledged in more than thirty years.
No, this is not the spirit of Christmas, but I’m pretty sick of it. We’re retired now and all told, there have been 14 other kids in the family in addition to our only child (who has acknowledged his gifts). I am trying to give up feeling resentful but it is difficult. We do see the family every year at Thanksgiving which is when the drawing is held. I suggested that we not have a adult drawing anymore as some of the people are retired now and just buy for the kids. This suggestion was ignored. We do enjoy buying for the kids, though it would be nice to know they received the gifts. Here’s the question: should we tell the family next year we’re not going to participate anymore?
Dear G,
Hell yes get yourself out of this tenth circle of hell to which you have been condemned for the past 40 (!) years! Life is too short for this sort of BS. Your child is an adult and you no longer have to deal with any of this ridiculousness.
I cannot even begin to tell you how relieved you will feel when you ditch this insanity.
You do not have to do any of this.
Every single minute you spend on buying these gifts or thinking about them or being upset that you did not receive one back is a minute stolen from your only life on earth.
Here are some potential things you may face when removing yourself from this heinous atrocity of a tradition and my preferred responses:
1) Someone says some BS to you about not participating. You respond: “Martha, I have approximately 30 years left on this planet and after much introspection I have decided to stop this load of BS and, instead, donate my money to starving children overseas.”
2) Your husband has the temerity to make even one comment about this. You respond, “Bob, I am done with your family’s ridiculosity and I would appreciate you baking me a cake to thank me for participating in it for the prior four (!) decades.”
3) There is no 3. There is no other possibility here, because anyone else in the world that you tell about this will give you the same advice I just did, summarized as: Life is short, don’t participate in anything that is meaningless, awkward, and irritating.
Grinch, hold your head up high and spend the money you would have spent on this benighted tradition and send it to my children who will write you a thank you card and use it for some awful toy like a light up flying drone.
On second thought don’t send it to them at all and either donate it as per my original suggestion or drive yourself to a nice mani-pedi during daylight hours.
Keep me posted and if anyone messes with you send them to me. Till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Says, OMG She Did It For 40 Years, Enough Is Enough!
I loved this article! It reminded me of how many decades we have gone through the torture of a SM! And how to end it and say "no more!"
(And so much of the toxicity that 'family' brings into the holiday)
(greatcoastal)
I Want To Be Done With My Husband’s Family’s Awful Christmas Gift Exchange
Reader Grinch writes,
Most of my husband’s family lives near where he grew up. We live about five or six hours away. Both of us have eye problems so we don’t drive at night (we are in our sixties.) The year I married into the family nearly 40 years ago, they started a drawing rather than give gifts to everyone. We give gifts to all the children (we have one adult son who benefited) until they graduate from college.
Since we live far away, we’ve been quite diligent about getting all gifts there on time for the family Christmas, even though we do not attend, and there is no interest in anyone coming our way. For the last few years, whoever has drawn me has sent the gift after Christmas. This year the gift has not yet arrived (giving the giver the benefit of the doubt). Also, none of our gifts have ever been acknowledged in more than thirty years.
No, this is not the spirit of Christmas, but I’m pretty sick of it. We’re retired now and all told, there have been 14 other kids in the family in addition to our only child (who has acknowledged his gifts). I am trying to give up feeling resentful but it is difficult. We do see the family every year at Thanksgiving which is when the drawing is held. I suggested that we not have a adult drawing anymore as some of the people are retired now and just buy for the kids. This suggestion was ignored. We do enjoy buying for the kids, though it would be nice to know they received the gifts. Here’s the question: should we tell the family next year we’re not going to participate anymore?
Dear G,
Hell yes get yourself out of this tenth circle of hell to which you have been condemned for the past 40 (!) years! Life is too short for this sort of BS. Your child is an adult and you no longer have to deal with any of this ridiculousness.
I cannot even begin to tell you how relieved you will feel when you ditch this insanity.
You do not have to do any of this.
Every single minute you spend on buying these gifts or thinking about them or being upset that you did not receive one back is a minute stolen from your only life on earth.
Here are some potential things you may face when removing yourself from this heinous atrocity of a tradition and my preferred responses:
1) Someone says some BS to you about not participating. You respond: “Martha, I have approximately 30 years left on this planet and after much introspection I have decided to stop this load of BS and, instead, donate my money to starving children overseas.”
2) Your husband has the temerity to make even one comment about this. You respond, “Bob, I am done with your family’s ridiculosity and I would appreciate you baking me a cake to thank me for participating in it for the prior four (!) decades.”
3) There is no 3. There is no other possibility here, because anyone else in the world that you tell about this will give you the same advice I just did, summarized as: Life is short, don’t participate in anything that is meaningless, awkward, and irritating.
Grinch, hold your head up high and spend the money you would have spent on this benighted tradition and send it to my children who will write you a thank you card and use it for some awful toy like a light up flying drone.
On second thought don’t send it to them at all and either donate it as per my original suggestion or drive yourself to a nice mani-pedi during daylight hours.
Keep me posted and if anyone messes with you send them to me. Till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Says, OMG She Did It For 40 Years, Enough Is Enough!