Post by greatcoastal on Dec 15, 2022 6:01:14 GMT -5
medium.com/@jarcherwrites/10-not-so-obvious-signs-your-partner-is-having-an-affair-5f597f2c6578
10 Not-So-Obvious Signs Your Partner Is Having An Affair
Maybe you’re here out of pure curiosity. I’ve been you. Someone who scans through the signs to see if they’re missing something because you know your partner would never cheat on you. It’s what I believed until I discovered that my doting devoted partner of twenty years, the one who would bring home cupcakes, flowers, and chocolates, the one who would make me tea and be full of sweet surprises — was having an affair for at least two years, and I had no idea.
But how can anyone be in the dark for so long? Surely, it was OBVIOUS. How blind can a person be? Let me tell you, reader, even though I had access to his texts and emails; he still pulled off a masterful con.
Here are the signs I missed:
1) They constantly check voicemail.
My partner is a busy guy. He‘s always making work calls, so when he’d constantly check his voicemail, I thought nothing of it. But here’s the deal, if he’s ALWAYS on his phone and answering the calls, ask yourself, why are so many messages going to voicemail?
The sleaze move: He blocked the affair partner’s number, so the messages went straight to voicemail.
2) They degrade a co-worker.
I’ve read this tip before, but when my partner so convincingly described a co-worker as a pathetic loser who they couldn’t stand, I honestly believed them.
Red-flag alert: When your partner performs an Oscar-worthy show to degrade a co-worker, dig deeper.
3) They subscribe to e-billing.
It’s been years since we’ve received a paper cell phone bill, and who has time to comb through online statements when you’re busy with parenting or work? E-billing is terrific for the environment and equally terrific for a cheating partner.
Sleaze move: The affair partner had an SMS phone, and my spouse admitted this made it easier to hide all contact unless someone combed through the phone bill. Do yourself a favor and look at your accounts — bank statements, phone, credit — the proof is often on the page.
4) They have a new catchphrase.
This one is still so cringe-worthy to recall. I’ve never questioned the cute greeting I’d hear whenever my spouse walked through the door. When I combed through emails, I found an ancient one from the affair partner using the same greeting. Ick. If your partner suddenly has a new cute phrase, he’s picked it up from somewhere or someone.
5) They volunteer to run errands.
I always assumed my partner was an antsy human. He gets cagey in the house. I thought he liked running errands, but he really liked the opportunity to call his affair partner. Reader, nobody enjoys grocery shopping THAT much.
6) They’re getting texts from long-forgotten contacts.
We were enjoying a glass of wine when his cell phone buzzed with a text. I recognized the name — a co-worker I’d met years ago. “Why does xx need you to call him right away?” I asked. It seemed a strange message for a Sunday evening. He told me that xx was changing careers and needed advice.
Sleaze move: He programmed the affair partner’s number under the names of old contacts. If you see messages from long-forgotten people popping up, do yourself a favor and call the number.
7) They take a lot of selfies.
I always assumed this was vanity. Sometimes I take selfies too, but these were for sharing. There’s a grey area with this one. Selfies could be harmless, but combined with a new workout routine, or concern with their appearance, they are often for someone’s eyes.
8) Simple Errands take a long time.
A sixty-minute dog walk? Ninety minutes to pick up something because they took a last-minute drive through some country roads? When your partner loves to drive, that lie is easy to swallow, but there’s a reason these chores are taking so long: phone calls. Phone calls that last for hours.
Sleaze move: My partner had a cover story for his long dog walks. He was calling his widowed father. How sweet! Walking the dog and checking in on his dad?! How amazing is he?! “Getting my dad call out of the way,” he’d announce on his way out the door, but wait, it was to the other woman.
9) Cutting off your calls.
My partner used to call on the way home, and not a minute into the call, another would come through that he’d have to take — another easy lie to sell because ‘it’s work.’ But, surprise! It was her! Every time! I checked the records — not a boss, not a manager, but his affair partner. Priorities, right?
10) They GLARE at you.
The odd dirty look goes with the territory when you’re deep into a relationship, but this one was different. The odd time he’d stroll into a room and stare at me in this smug squinty-eyed sort of way. A way that screamed I have a secret, and wouldn’t you love to know? I wonder why I didn’t read more into this. Maybe it’s because I was exhausted from doing all the parenting, housework, and trying to write a novel in the fleeting spare seconds’ life afforded me. I was too tired to decipher the glare, but believe me, if it looks like they’re holding their tongue and you see words dancing behind their eyes, they’re probably there.
Trust your gut, dear reader. In retrospect, the signs seem glaringly obvious. Still, after twenty years of gaslighting me with how ridiculous and untrusting I was, I did trust my partner. I trusted that he would never hurt and betray me, and every single day for years, he did just that.
10 Not-So-Obvious Signs Your Partner Is Having An Affair
Maybe you’re here out of pure curiosity. I’ve been you. Someone who scans through the signs to see if they’re missing something because you know your partner would never cheat on you. It’s what I believed until I discovered that my doting devoted partner of twenty years, the one who would bring home cupcakes, flowers, and chocolates, the one who would make me tea and be full of sweet surprises — was having an affair for at least two years, and I had no idea.
But how can anyone be in the dark for so long? Surely, it was OBVIOUS. How blind can a person be? Let me tell you, reader, even though I had access to his texts and emails; he still pulled off a masterful con.
Here are the signs I missed:
1) They constantly check voicemail.
My partner is a busy guy. He‘s always making work calls, so when he’d constantly check his voicemail, I thought nothing of it. But here’s the deal, if he’s ALWAYS on his phone and answering the calls, ask yourself, why are so many messages going to voicemail?
The sleaze move: He blocked the affair partner’s number, so the messages went straight to voicemail.
2) They degrade a co-worker.
I’ve read this tip before, but when my partner so convincingly described a co-worker as a pathetic loser who they couldn’t stand, I honestly believed them.
Red-flag alert: When your partner performs an Oscar-worthy show to degrade a co-worker, dig deeper.
3) They subscribe to e-billing.
It’s been years since we’ve received a paper cell phone bill, and who has time to comb through online statements when you’re busy with parenting or work? E-billing is terrific for the environment and equally terrific for a cheating partner.
Sleaze move: The affair partner had an SMS phone, and my spouse admitted this made it easier to hide all contact unless someone combed through the phone bill. Do yourself a favor and look at your accounts — bank statements, phone, credit — the proof is often on the page.
4) They have a new catchphrase.
This one is still so cringe-worthy to recall. I’ve never questioned the cute greeting I’d hear whenever my spouse walked through the door. When I combed through emails, I found an ancient one from the affair partner using the same greeting. Ick. If your partner suddenly has a new cute phrase, he’s picked it up from somewhere or someone.
5) They volunteer to run errands.
I always assumed my partner was an antsy human. He gets cagey in the house. I thought he liked running errands, but he really liked the opportunity to call his affair partner. Reader, nobody enjoys grocery shopping THAT much.
6) They’re getting texts from long-forgotten contacts.
We were enjoying a glass of wine when his cell phone buzzed with a text. I recognized the name — a co-worker I’d met years ago. “Why does xx need you to call him right away?” I asked. It seemed a strange message for a Sunday evening. He told me that xx was changing careers and needed advice.
Sleaze move: He programmed the affair partner’s number under the names of old contacts. If you see messages from long-forgotten people popping up, do yourself a favor and call the number.
7) They take a lot of selfies.
I always assumed this was vanity. Sometimes I take selfies too, but these were for sharing. There’s a grey area with this one. Selfies could be harmless, but combined with a new workout routine, or concern with their appearance, they are often for someone’s eyes.
8) Simple Errands take a long time.
A sixty-minute dog walk? Ninety minutes to pick up something because they took a last-minute drive through some country roads? When your partner loves to drive, that lie is easy to swallow, but there’s a reason these chores are taking so long: phone calls. Phone calls that last for hours.
Sleaze move: My partner had a cover story for his long dog walks. He was calling his widowed father. How sweet! Walking the dog and checking in on his dad?! How amazing is he?! “Getting my dad call out of the way,” he’d announce on his way out the door, but wait, it was to the other woman.
9) Cutting off your calls.
My partner used to call on the way home, and not a minute into the call, another would come through that he’d have to take — another easy lie to sell because ‘it’s work.’ But, surprise! It was her! Every time! I checked the records — not a boss, not a manager, but his affair partner. Priorities, right?
10) They GLARE at you.
The odd dirty look goes with the territory when you’re deep into a relationship, but this one was different. The odd time he’d stroll into a room and stare at me in this smug squinty-eyed sort of way. A way that screamed I have a secret, and wouldn’t you love to know? I wonder why I didn’t read more into this. Maybe it’s because I was exhausted from doing all the parenting, housework, and trying to write a novel in the fleeting spare seconds’ life afforded me. I was too tired to decipher the glare, but believe me, if it looks like they’re holding their tongue and you see words dancing behind their eyes, they’re probably there.
Trust your gut, dear reader. In retrospect, the signs seem glaringly obvious. Still, after twenty years of gaslighting me with how ridiculous and untrusting I was, I did trust my partner. I trusted that he would never hurt and betray me, and every single day for years, he did just that.
