So there is a girl
Dec 4, 2022 10:39:46 GMT -5
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Dec 4, 2022 10:39:46 GMT -5
For those of you that are not aware, Im one of those in the staying but straying camp. I posted this elsewhere. If you happened to have seen it by chance, say hello, lol.
Anyhow, so there's this girl. Not just any girl. She is the only other woman I considered marrying before meeting my SO.
Not sure where Im going with this. I suppose I wanted to get it off my chest as Im feeling reflective while enjoying a quiet coffee on a Sunday morning.
Lets take it back 30 years. We broke up when she finished university. I still had 2 years left. She wanted to get married. So did I. But she was on a timeline. I was not. We parted ways. Probably top 5 most painful experiences in my life. We were close. Lots of emotional dependence. But in the end I survived and thrived.
Fast forward more than 20 years and we meet again thanks to social media. Im not a big fan of the exes from my bachelor days reaching out via social media, but with her, the conversation was easy. We catch up. We talk about our relationship with 20 years of hindsight. It feels like the beginnings of a new friendship. But I fucked up. Didnt really handle some shit the right way. So we lost contact for awhile. A few years later we say hello again. All over messaging apps. We touch base every so often. All very cordial. This year she tells me she wants to meet for coffee. I was in her neighborood once. I don't know where she lives, but she shared the general area. I messged that I was close by if she was available. It was spontaneous so I wasnt disappointed that she couldn't make it. No biggie. We've messaged a few times since. Not very frequently. Every few months lets say. She has asked for coffee again. Im receptive of course. But we never really move to a firm commitment. When we talk we share whats going on in our lives. She's shared her dating experiences. She's divorced. Empty nester. She gets a kick out of my married dating adventures. Our conversation is very nice. There is the bond of shared history and safety of known quantity.
I feel that if I wanted to pursue something more than friendship she would be receptive. I have subtlely hinted at it at times and have been physically suggestive at others and she loves it. Most of the guys she dates are "nice guy" types, but she enjoys the attention of direct flirting and innuendo. I suppose she had been deprived of it in her previous marriage.
So I am back and forth in my mind as to whether to push for something more than friendship. I am realistic enough to see that I am not what she is looking for ultimately. She wants a stable LT relationship to share hobbies and travel. At the same time, she is disappointed with what she is finding in the dating market place. "Boring" guys she says.
If she is as high libido as I remember her to be, I would not be surprised were she to be open to being more than friends. Her trying to date at the same time would certainly complicate things, but I also know it wouldn't stop her if its something she wanted too.
So whats holding me back? I have a lot going on in my life that deserves my mental attention. Parents, career, primary relationship and so forth. It definitely sucks because it gives me less time to devote to dating and pursuing affiars. But priorities are priorities. I feel that pursuing anything right now might short change her and yet still my mind ponders the possibilities at times.
Thoughts? Anyone ever felt the same. The spark was there but the timing was not?
Anyhow, so there's this girl. Not just any girl. She is the only other woman I considered marrying before meeting my SO.
Not sure where Im going with this. I suppose I wanted to get it off my chest as Im feeling reflective while enjoying a quiet coffee on a Sunday morning.
Lets take it back 30 years. We broke up when she finished university. I still had 2 years left. She wanted to get married. So did I. But she was on a timeline. I was not. We parted ways. Probably top 5 most painful experiences in my life. We were close. Lots of emotional dependence. But in the end I survived and thrived.
Fast forward more than 20 years and we meet again thanks to social media. Im not a big fan of the exes from my bachelor days reaching out via social media, but with her, the conversation was easy. We catch up. We talk about our relationship with 20 years of hindsight. It feels like the beginnings of a new friendship. But I fucked up. Didnt really handle some shit the right way. So we lost contact for awhile. A few years later we say hello again. All over messaging apps. We touch base every so often. All very cordial. This year she tells me she wants to meet for coffee. I was in her neighborood once. I don't know where she lives, but she shared the general area. I messged that I was close by if she was available. It was spontaneous so I wasnt disappointed that she couldn't make it. No biggie. We've messaged a few times since. Not very frequently. Every few months lets say. She has asked for coffee again. Im receptive of course. But we never really move to a firm commitment. When we talk we share whats going on in our lives. She's shared her dating experiences. She's divorced. Empty nester. She gets a kick out of my married dating adventures. Our conversation is very nice. There is the bond of shared history and safety of known quantity.
I feel that if I wanted to pursue something more than friendship she would be receptive. I have subtlely hinted at it at times and have been physically suggestive at others and she loves it. Most of the guys she dates are "nice guy" types, but she enjoys the attention of direct flirting and innuendo. I suppose she had been deprived of it in her previous marriage.
So I am back and forth in my mind as to whether to push for something more than friendship. I am realistic enough to see that I am not what she is looking for ultimately. She wants a stable LT relationship to share hobbies and travel. At the same time, she is disappointed with what she is finding in the dating market place. "Boring" guys she says.
If she is as high libido as I remember her to be, I would not be surprised were she to be open to being more than friends. Her trying to date at the same time would certainly complicate things, but I also know it wouldn't stop her if its something she wanted too.
So whats holding me back? I have a lot going on in my life that deserves my mental attention. Parents, career, primary relationship and so forth. It definitely sucks because it gives me less time to devote to dating and pursuing affiars. But priorities are priorities. I feel that pursuing anything right now might short change her and yet still my mind ponders the possibilities at times.
Thoughts? Anyone ever felt the same. The spark was there but the timing was not?
