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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 10, 2022 6:47:46 GMT -5
Found a decoration of the type I loved as a kid. She said it was cheap and tacky and not to buy it. So, I bought it and will put it up above the bed! Good for you. While you're at it you could say to her: "you know what else is cheap and tacky? Being critical of something that brings back fond childhood memories for me." When was the last time your wife asked for your permission or opinion to do something? NEVER! ( personal experience) Why? Because she darn well knows that every sentence of hers to you, starts with the word "NO". (personal experience) Why? Because you where groomed to "make her happy- we must BOTH AGREE or it won't happen". To be passive. Don't rock the boat. Happy wife happy life. The woman is always right. etc.... In the beginning of your marriage ,did you both agree that, we will both say yes, or it won't happen? ( This gives her full CONTROL. She says NO, then does 90% of what you suggested anyways, however... it's all her way now. [again- speaking from personal experience] ) Example: Wife is getting her Christmas haircut. Does she ask your permission? Does she need it? (That ship sailed long ago - with her saying NO to everything and then doing as she pleases) Does she need your "YES" to spend time and money, on herself? Do you dare tell her " I decide what the style will be. I decide how much you are allowed to spend. I decide where you will get it done. I decide when it will happen. I will take you there and bring you back. I will decide if it's even needed." The day you treat her like a helpless child, the day the mask comes off, the day you stand up for yourself and tell her " this is exactly what you have done to me all these years, and it's my mistake for allowing it to happen. No more it's over! " " You have horrible double standards and you just proved it. You can't stand it....it's exactly what you have done to me for years". ( Again- personal experience. This is when she goes to her room and starts moving money and scheming her revenge)
I'd leave that ornament right where you want it.
Use it as a symbol of strength.
let it signify a major victory for you!
A turning point for a new beginning!Then, when the time is right, burn it. That was something we did in my Divorce Recovery Class. Use it as a symbol for "out with the old and in with the new". She will rebel with a vengeance! ( even a silent one- those are powerful!) Agreeing to things just to keep the peace is actually a TRAMA RESPONSE. When you do this you're disrespecting your boundaries. No more making yourself uncomfortable. You have control now. You run your life. Take up space and use your voice! |
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Post by northstarmom on Dec 12, 2022 16:23:18 GMT -5
I just saw this quote: "You can't give your life more time so give the time you have more life."
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Post by petrushka on Dec 12, 2022 18:24:33 GMT -5
I just saw this quote: "You can't give your life more time so give the time you have more life." I like that.
Similar, and something I've tried to emulate: live in the here and now; don't live in a future (that may never happen), and don't (re)live in the past.
My parents were prime examples of living in the future. Always denying themselves - to save for the future. Money, travel, enjoyment. "One day we will ...." except they never did. Died at 92, without having had joy, without happiness, without enjoyment in their lives.
perfect worker ants.
Setting a Great example for me: how I don't want to live.
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Post by northstarmom on Dec 12, 2022 18:41:24 GMT -5
petruska: "My parents were prime examples of living in the future. Always denying themselves - to save for the future. Money, travel, enjoyment.
"One day we will ...." except they never did. Died at 92, without having had joy, without happiness, without enjoyment in their lives.
perfect worker ants."
Same with my mom. For instance, she talked about countries she wanted to visit, but even though she died at 84, she never made it to those places. That's why from the time i was in my early 20s, I've traveled. My parents' marriage also was sexless and miserable. Dad didn't divorce because he wanted to keep the house. As a result, after he had a series of strokes, his caretaker was my mom, who hated him. But he did get to stay in the house! Mom didn't divorce because she didn't want to be the subject of gossip. I did divorce because I didn't want to live years of misery like they did. I'm living a much happier life than my parents had.
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Post by mirrororchid on Dec 13, 2022 7:07:03 GMT -5
I just saw this quote: "You can't give your life more time so give the time you have more life." My favorite scene. |
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Post by lessingham on Dec 14, 2022 5:25:39 GMT -5
Old Victorian saying. Lost, one golden hour threaded with 60 diamond minutes and countless pearls of seconds. Lost and gone forever.
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Post by lessingham on Dec 25, 2022 4:40:17 GMT -5
A happy and holy Christmas to one and all.
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 25, 2022 10:56:06 GMT -5
A happy and holy Christmas to one and all. Merry Christmas to you too! I hope you are doing something fun today. Something that's self fulfilling, fun and cozy! And something a bit naughty! ( if not this year-make it happen next year!)  |
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Post by lessingham on Jan 1, 2023 4:26:02 GMT -5
A weird Christmas. My son and his girlfriend came over, beyond stressful. No sex for me, as expected. Horrible post flu hacking cough. But apart from that it was fun.
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 1, 2023 6:29:53 GMT -5
"Horrible post flu hacking cough."
You continue to have an excuse to move out of the bedroom you share with your wife.
What was stressful about your son and his girlfriend's visit?
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Post by lessingham on Jan 20, 2023 4:16:54 GMT -5
Finally, finally free of the flu cough!! I can get on with my life again and put Christmas behind. Happy January one and all, the only month that always delivers on its promises.
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 20, 2023 13:06:41 GMT -5
Lessingham,glad you are better.What happened with your son's visit? Still sharing a bed with your wife?
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Post by lessingham on Jan 21, 2023 13:25:44 GMT -5
Son's visit was awful. His girlfriend is vegetarian and her daughter is 13... nuff said. After two hours in the kitchen the daughter deigned to eat one sausage. The girlfriend turned up her nose at almost everything including a vege bake we bought especially.
They opened their prezzies in a bubble and ignored us.
My son admitted he had overspent on presents and was broke, so could not pay his share of the food bill nor for the petrol to get home.
Felt utterly ripped off.
Wife agreed sex! So far one session in 2023. And it is still only January.
She has caught my flu so an end to that
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Post by petrushka on Jan 21, 2023 20:04:07 GMT -5
Happy January one and all, the only month that always delivers on its promises. Here's my take on the start of 2023:
Well, January certainly failed to deliver on the draught the weathermen (and women) promised us for most of last year. Also, we haven't had many days above 27 C which is a blessing. Instead we had some tropical storm remnants through, wrecking houses, bridges, and roads (but that is normal). I got another year older, but that was no kind of promise, that was set.
And we lost a damn good prime minister who had been hounded by haters and death threats and misogynistic slander. Sad. I was not a fan, and I think she made mistakes, but that was abusing a good, well intentioned human being until she had a guts-full and left. That was not a promise by anyone. And not exactly 'promising' in the other meaning of the word.
Life is good and stable in this above-ground concrete bunker (bully to the summer storms); we ignored X-mess altogether and wasn't that a good choice? Well, we took a friend out to a Thai restaurant for her birthday which happens to fall right in the middle of the festive occasion.
The wife is hardly home; she's either mowing the greens at the croquet club, or playing several times a week, or she's at the Rock and Gemstone Club, cutting and polishing, or she 's out spinning with someone ... But the unexpected side effect is, that she's almost always really happy to come home to me and get a cuddle and some kisses, she visibly lights up. But yeah, sex doesn't come up: she really is not interested. Tempted to say {sigh} but really, I don't give a shit any more.
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 21, 2023 20:26:58 GMT -5
lessingham: "My son admitted he had overspent on presents and was broke, so could not pay his share of the food bill nor for the petrol to get home.
Felt utterly ripped off."
That's because you were ripped off. What kind of expensive presents did he give you?
And didn't his girlfriend bring any money? Aren't there ATMs?
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