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Update
Aug 29, 2023 16:27:21 GMT -5
via mobile
jerri likes this
Post by casual777 on Aug 29, 2023 16:27:21 GMT -5
I have decided to come off the polyamory website and social media up which connects me to the group meets individuals and try to concentrate on my marriage and parenting . Not sure how long I ll
Last but for now it 100 per cent feels like the right decision
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Update
Aug 29, 2023 20:32:47 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by jerri on Aug 29, 2023 20:32:47 GMT -5
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Post by Apocrypha on Aug 30, 2023 11:23:52 GMT -5
Yours will be the first recovery I've heard of with no ultimatum having been presented. ? "Honey, I'm headed out to boff so-and-so on Friday", is most definitely a consequence (boffing someone else) attached to a behavior (you not boffing me), which seems a distinction without a difference from an ultimatum. |
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Post by Apocrypha on Aug 30, 2023 11:57:14 GMT -5
What I learned from my foray into polyamory in the context of a sex-averse marriage was that I can resolve the problem of having sex in my life again, and feeling desired by a person, but that I'm still left with sexless marriage. When I come home, where I live - when I go to bed - I'm still in a relationship that is posing as a marriage when it is not.
I would liken the polyamory to be like taking a Caribbean vacation from my home in a polluted slum. I can leave that slum and find other places to enjoy, but 99% of my life is still in a slum. It doesn't mean the vacation isn't enjoyable. It just doesn't change the problem I'm facing and how I feel when I'm there.
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Post by mirrororchid on Aug 30, 2023 20:02:56 GMT -5
Yours will be the first recovery I've heard of with no ultimatum having been presented. ? "Honey, I'm headed out to boff so-and-so on Friday", is most definitely a consequence (boffing someone else) attached to a behavior (you not boffing me), which seems a distinction without a difference from an ultimatum. See, I must've lost track of the conversation somewhere. While casual777 was outsourcing, I don't see where it was said that his wife knew about it. It is possible she found out, knew why it happened, and tested whether she could make him stop with actions rather than loud words. If he did inform her of his extramarital trysts, then it could be present a fifth case of recovery out of the five instances of informing a spouse of outsourcing, followed by a reset. |
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Update
Aug 31, 2023 9:08:01 GMT -5
Post by Apocrypha on Aug 31, 2023 9:08:01 GMT -5
? "Honey, I'm headed out to boff so-and-so on Friday", is most definitely a consequence (boffing someone else) attached to a behavior (you not boffing me), which seems a distinction without a difference from an ultimatum. See, I must've lost track of the conversation somewhere. While casual777 was outsourcing, I don't see where it was said that his wife knew about it. It is possible she found out, knew why it happened, and tested whether she could make him stop with actions rather than loud words. If he did inform her of his extramarital trysts, then it could be present a fifth case of recovery out of the five instances of informing a spouse of outsourcing, followed by a reset. Ah sorry - I may have misunderstood. When I saw "polyamory" rather than "affair", I assumed that transparency was on the table because that's a key part of what distinguishes it from an affair, or from a bunch of affairs. I suppose it's a "grey area" if he was having affairs within a polyamorous group. If an affair is the case, I'd liken it to buying your divorce on a credit card. The consequence has happened, but the partner hasn't been informed yet. That bill is coming though, with interest. |
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Post by casual777 on Apr 8, 2024 17:50:10 GMT -5
So I am hoping this is the final update
We had reduced in frequency to below 10 a year , so by definition a sexless marriage
I had used a polyamory website and was meeting a mixed group for group sex
Things picked up last year . We had sex 17 times in 2023
I promised myself I would stop outsourcing if this continues . 8 times in 2024 already so I have deleted all outsourcing apps and will give monogamy a try
Her new HRT patch has made a huge difference . But despite me mentioning it previously it was only when she decides to give it a go that the treatment started . I really want this to work . My kids are 13 and 11. Don’t want to be taking risks
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Update
Apr 9, 2024 20:29:56 GMT -5
Post by mirrororchid on Apr 9, 2024 20:29:56 GMT -5
So I am hoping this is the final update We had reduced in frequency to below 10 a year , so by definition a sexless marriage I had used a polyamory website and was meeting a mixed group for group sex Things picked up last year . We had sex 17 times in 2023 I promised myself I would stop outsourcing if this continues . 8 times in 2024 already so I have deleted all outsourcing apps and will give monogamy a try Her new HRT patch has made a huge difference . But despite me mentioning it previously it was only when she decides to give it a go that the treatment started . I really want this to work . My kids are 13 and 11. Don’t want to be taking risks Any idea what made her decide to start HRT? Was she aware of the outsourcing? If so, when? Congrats on the reversal. 17 is where I ended up too, oddly. |
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Update
Apr 10, 2024 6:02:15 GMT -5
Post by worksforme2 on Apr 10, 2024 6:02:15 GMT -5
Her new HRT patch has made a huge difference . But despite me mentioning it previously it was only when she decides to give it a go that the treatment started . I really want this to work . My kids are 13 and 11. Don’t want to be taking risks I tried to talk my then W into trying HRT, but she refused. 2 reasons She said she took enough medication dealing with her high blood pressure and cholesterol. She also feared possible cancer from the therapy. Her mom and sister both died from ovarian cancer and she was born with only 1 ovary, so no go on the HRT. |
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Post by ironhamster on Apr 10, 2024 6:23:49 GMT -5
I hope the HRT works out.
My last year of marriage, I found a woman that was on HRT, and raved about the benefits. She was willing to talk with my wife about her experiences. I was so hopeful, but, my wife was adamant that there was nothing wrong with her, and how dare I suggest otherwise, so, that hopefully fruitful conversation never happened.
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Post by worksforme2 on Apr 10, 2024 12:08:07 GMT -5
I hope the HRT works out. My last year of marriage, I found a woman that was on HRT, and raved about the benefits. She was willing to talk with my wife about her experiences. I was so hopeful, but, my wife was adamant that there was nothing wrong with her, and how dare I suggest otherwise, so, that hopefully fruitful conversation never happened. Our wives took different paths on this but the destination was the same. |
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Post by casual777 on Apr 12, 2024 0:42:40 GMT -5
I think her sisters talking positively about HRT helped . I am fairly sure she doesn’t know about the outsourcing
Strangely enough I don’t want to condone it as it was selfish but in my situation , it kept me upbeat , kept me able to forgive her overly critical approach , and made me think that I needed to go the extra mile when it came to parenting and housework . It didn’t drive us apart . For now , there is peace on every level .
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