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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Sept 2, 2022 23:57:36 GMT -5
I had no idea where to post this. I checked in out of the blue. I figured I'd drop in to say hello. I'm one of the oldtimers more or less. I originally visited the EP ILIASM site but was not very active. Talking circa 2012 or so. Then somehow came across this site a few years later when EP went away. Posted a bunch for a few years when I was at my worst in terms of SM. I'm doing ok. I'm not going to lie. Its been some of the most challenging years of my life starting just before COVID. I took a lot of hits on a lot of fronts. Family, career, finances, investments, friends, you name it. But despite it all, Im feeling stronger than ever. I am commmited to getting the kids launched. So far 1 down, 3 to go. And its looklng good. My kids are the best thing in my life right now. I have about 7 years left for them to be fully launched, independent etc. After that, Im open to anything. Still married. Probably will be be at least until the kids are gone. But I have dabbled in the field. Probably will continue to do so as I see fit. Shout out to any of the oldtimers still here baza bballgirl @choosinghappy shamwow DryCreek sweetplumeria h ironhamster northstarmom |
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Post by angeleyes65 on Sept 3, 2022 11:07:51 GMT -5
@dadeeo
I remember you not sure if from the old ep site or just this one. I left the old one before it ended at first it was wonderful to know I wasn't alone then it was depressing watching my life play out in others post .
A friend from the old site told me about this one and I came back after I left just to see what was going on and offer hopel to those like me that dragged out the exit plan because it's so hard to step off that cliff. Sorry to hear that you fell on hard (er) times. But glad you are rallying!
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 3, 2022 13:12:30 GMT -5
Hola from Mexico, where I (the former Northstarmom) am now living in retirement with the same post SM partner I had when I discovered EP 9 years ago. Since this is the Choosing to Stay forum, and I chose to leave my refuser, I won't post more about my life here. But, it's good to see you and I wish you well!
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Post by ironhamster on Sept 3, 2022 16:04:32 GMT -5
I showed up in 2017, after they shut down the Experience Project. I joined here, Similar Worlds, and Reddit's sexless marriage page, which I later quit because some of the moderators had trouble with things like truth. I feel I got the best advice here, and hope to be a good influence on those that are going through the same sort of issues. Hang in there, TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo. Look out for what's important to you. |
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Post by sweetplumeria on Sept 4, 2022 3:08:33 GMT -5
Cheers!
Love your post title, as it truly gave me a giggle.
I wish I knew when I joined EP but sadly I am sure it was easily 2010 or earlier. This really makes me want to bow my head in shame because many of my friends and family think I am the model of marriage. cough cough oh the things we don't say in polite conversation.
On the kid launching part I have one that I have promises to get through college and then I am forced to pull up my big girl pants and deal with life. The oldest is fully launched and in his own marriage. The disabled step daughter will always live with us and I am trying to decide my feelings in that area.
Mostly I can't believe how much time has gone by. It's unreal in a way.
I have tried with marginal success to have a small business aka side hustle. I have learnedthat my time mothering didn't afford me many business skills. Ah well I keep moving forward kinda.
I don't really speak to my spouse a lot and find I emotionally cocoon up like one of those people who don't leave the house. I think maybe Covid has had a negative impact on me but the husband is always super happy when I never leave the house. He really reminds me of a rooster.
It's fun to read everyone else's responses...
I always wish the best for everyone here whether they stay married or go a new direction... so this is a fun post for me!
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Post by h on Sept 4, 2022 4:41:05 GMT -5
I'm still here but not as active as I once was. I have little to say because little has changed. The one upside I have is that my wife finally got a new job. She makes significantly more than she did before which could be a game changer for me. After we get our taxes done for this year and see what the final numbers look like, I may actually be able to afford to divorce. I am sure that her income will either drastically reduce or eliminate any expectation of spousal support and she's been paying most of her own bills without me needing to cover them for her. That's left me with more of my income to pay down my debts faster. I can see a light at the end of the long sexless tunnel. As northstarmom mentioned above, this is a choosing to stay thread so I won't go on here. I chose to stay for 14 years but now I'm close to maybe making a new choice.
*edit to add: I did pass one sad milestone though. A few days ago I reached the age where having children is no longer feasible. I have had my retirement date planned out for several years now and it will now be less than 18 years from now. If I had children now, I would have to delay my retirement to support them and the stress of my job makes that unpalatable. I'm officially too old to have children and I'm planning on getting a vasectomy sometime this Fall. This may actually trigger a divorce anyway if my wife is unhappy with my unilateral decision.
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Post by baza on Sept 4, 2022 17:54:07 GMT -5
G'day Brother TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo . Nice to hear from you again. As you have probably noticed, the level of new members has pretty much stagnated (only 8 new members for August 2022) and the posting levels have dropped way off over the past year. The group appears to be in terminal decline, which is unfortunate. |
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Post by sweetplumeria on Sept 6, 2022 2:04:45 GMT -5
G'day Brother TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo . Nice to hear from you again. As you have probably noticed, the level of new members has pretty much stagnated (only 8 new members for August 2022) and the posting levels have dropped way off over the past year. The group appears to be in terminal decline, which is unfortunate. Over Covid people were at home alot (at least here) and now finally able to break free some. I often wonder did they write more then... do they write less now... are they so happy to be pit of restrictions that they enjoy the freedom as if anew and will come back when reality poors in... I see a lot of parents slowly losing g their minds as their children don't know what gender they are and we are forced into euining grammar over politeness and a generation of parents slowly lose their minds.... but that's off the main topic |
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Post by h on Sept 6, 2022 10:17:13 GMT -5
G'day Brother TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo . Nice to hear from you again. As you have probably noticed, the level of new members has pretty much stagnated (only 8 new members for August 2022) and the posting levels have dropped way off over the past year. The group appears to be in terminal decline, which is unfortunate. Over Covid people were at home alot (at least here) and now finally able to break free some. I often wonder did they write more then... do they write less now... are they so happy to be pit of restrictions that they enjoy the freedom as if anew and will come back when reality poors in... I see a lot of parents slowly losing g their minds as their children don't know what gender they are and we are forced into euining grammar over politeness and a generation of parents slowly lose their minds.... but that's off the main topic Personally, I have much less time to read and post in the summer months as my seasonal work schedule changes drastically. I don't know if that is the case for others, but maybe for some. |
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Post by shamwow on Sept 6, 2022 12:06:18 GMT -5
G'day Brother TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo . Nice to hear from you again. As you have probably noticed, the level of new members has pretty much stagnated (only 8 new members for August 2022) and the posting levels have dropped way off over the past year. The group appears to be in terminal decline, which is unfortunate. Agreed that is unfortunate. Do you have any thoughts as to why things have dropped off over the past few years? It seems to me like we had a lot of people resolve their sm situations by leaving around 2017-2019. The vast majority of people who get out tend to stop posting about their SM since it is, well, over. For those who stay, they work through their SM in different ways, but since nothing is really changing, there isn't much to write about as h mentioned. I am curious about your thoughts, though. |
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Post by jim44444 on Sept 6, 2022 15:55:58 GMT -5
Agreed that is unfortunate. Do you have any thoughts as to why things have dropped off over the past few years? It seems to me like we had a lot of people resolve their sm situations by leaving around 2017-2019. The vast majority of people who get out tend to stop posting about their SM since it is, well, over. For those who stay, they work through their SM in different ways, but since nothing is really changing, there isn't much to write about as h mentioned. I am curious about your thoughts, though. I have no science to back up my opinion so take it for what it is worth. The terminal decline of this site I think is related to the shift in societal communication style. We tend to give lengthy responses to lengthy stories or questions. That is not the social media paradigm. Look at TicTok ( if you have the stomach for mediocrity), it is filled with short meaningless look-at-me drivel. Very few sites have anything more than a few sentences. Heaven forbid that someone uses a word in excess of two syllables. Deep thoughtful posts are ridiculed on the bulk of social media sites. It seems the bulk of sites with long posts are hate filled conspiracy mongers bent on pushing some agenda. In conjunction with the general degradation of social media our site is also aging out. The ones that have been here since the start ( and on EP) are approaching our expiration date. New and younger potential members aren't always inclined to want to hear from old goats. Strangely I was just reflecting yesterday upon how many people I have had interactions with on ILIASM that have disappeared. It is a longlist. It makes me doubly grateful for those I still have contact with. |
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Post by baza on Sept 7, 2022 1:26:31 GMT -5
G'day Brother TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo . Nice to hear from you again. As you have probably noticed, the level of new members has pretty much stagnated (only 8 new members for August 2022) and the posting levels have dropped way off over the past year. The group appears to be in terminal decline, which is unfortunate. Agreed that is unfortunate. Do you have any thoughts as to why things have dropped off over the past few years? It seems to me like we had a lot of people resolve their sm situations by leaving around 2017-2019. The vast majority of people who get out tend to stop posting about their SM since it is, well, over. For those who stay, they work through their SM in different ways, but since nothing is really changing, there isn't much to write about as h mentioned. I am curious about your thoughts, though. Brother shamwow . I don't think it matters a real lot "why" this group is declining. A lot like an ILIASM situations I think. It just "is what it is". But, my random thoughts as to contributing factors in the decline are - Apart from a bloc of EP people who came over to here after EP imploded, there really wasn't a very big base when this site opened up in March 2016, and after the membership got to about 1,000 it's taken another 5 years to cough and sputter it's way to the present 1,910. Of those 1,910 there are 1,050 who haver NEVER posted a word. So the base of active members was never strong. And without a strong base, and new 'replacement' members not happening, the trajectory of the group started nose diving after the initial refugees from EP came to the site. But I am absolutely sure that this site has been helpful to a significant number of people. so whereas the future doesn't look too great, it has provided a useful service, and as such has been a most worthwhile enterprise. |
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Post by mirrororchid on Sept 7, 2022 6:02:26 GMT -5
But I am absolutely sure that this site has been helpful to a significant number of people. so whereas the future doesn't look too great, it has provided a useful service, and as such has been a most worthwhile enterprise. This has been my concern. The founding members covered so many bases, so well, many visitors get what they need, don't post anything, then go their own way to stay/outsource/leave. Or at least get the trail of bread crumbs to start the decision process. One unhelpful thing is ILIASM members getting fed up with newbies flaming well-intentioned folks that question their assumptions (my marriage is fine, just needs a tweak!) Some of the older members drift away because the problem is too far back in the rear view mirror? I'm surprised/impressed/pleased with the veterans who check in even after years of successful SM dispatch. Present company most assuredly included. It'd be superbly helpful if this web site got completely archived over on the Wayback Machine internet archive. Not sure if it is. Experience Project should not have vanished as thoroughly as it did. This site is yet more informative, focused, and detailed. To lose the superb work of the founders would be a crime. |
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Sept 8, 2022 23:15:58 GMT -5
For those of us who are still here or drop in from time to time, my warmest salutations. I was hoping that at least some of you would be offended by the title of the post. You could say its my way of paying homage to political correctness. Hardy har. And I was hoping that at least some of you would see the irony of the vulgar moniker in the "Im staying" section of a sexless marriage forum. Maybe I try too hard to be witty. I suppose I drop in out of nostalgia and as ironhamster said, to pass on any wisdom or encouraging words to anyone that might need them. With regards to the sites' declining state, I agree with the comment that social media has really messed with communication skills and attention spans. At the same time, I think that if others were aware of the body of knowledge here, the participation would grow. |
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Post by h on Sept 9, 2022 8:51:48 GMT -5
For those of us who are still here or drop in from time to time, my warmest salutations. I was hoping that at least some of you would be offended by the title of the post. You could say its my way of paying homage to political correctness. Hardy har. And I was hoping that at least some of you would see the irony of the vulgar moniker in the "Im staying" section of a sexless marriage forum. Maybe I try too hard to be witty. I suppose I drop in out of nostalgia and as ironhamster said, to pass on any wisdom or encouraging words to anyone that might need them. With regards to the sites' declining state, I agree with the comment that social media has really messed with communication skills and attention spans. At the same time, I think that if others were aware of the body of knowledge here, the participation would grow. I thought it was a little strange to refer to us as f***ers when the whole reason this site exists and that we're in it is that we aren't f***ing. Irony was not lost on me. |
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