No One Ever Died From Lack of Sex - Want Versus Need
Jun 29, 2022 5:30:16 GMT -5
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Post by mirrororchid on Jun 29, 2022 5:30:16 GMT -5
I had an essay planned on the lack of lethal consequences for sexlessness when I started listening to a podcast on "Multiamory" called "Needs, Desires, Boundaries, and More"
I'm not finished listening and they may get to my very point, so don't go thinking I'm regurgitating their conclusions. Perhaps I'm merely following dots like any normal person and too eager to share in order to wait to find out if the hosts say the same darn thing.
The podcast is thoroughly worth a listen for monogamous types. When your needs aren't met, our partner's reaction or our own denial of self can inappropriately diminish our own prioritization unreasonably.
One reaction I've heard more than once to sexless partners' observation that their sex lives are anemic is: "No One Ever Died From Lack of Sex"
This, to my knowledge, is true. So when we say we don't "need" sex, we must admit it is not oxygen, food, water, or sleep.
The dismissiveness by the indifferent partner is premature though, as well as incomplete.
Sex for an individual is a not a need, it gets relegated to the class of "want". No matter the intensity and misery, sexlessness represents an unmet "want".
No single person ever died from lack of sex.
But, guess what? No one ever died from excessive sex either.
When a love affair is lethal, it's generally from a bullet or blunt instrument. The sex itself wasn't the weapon.
But when a spouse discovers a love affair, filing for divorce is amongst the most common reactions. No other act need must occur. The sex caused the divorce. The marriage is destroyed. It is no more, it's gone on to meet it's maker. It is an ex-marriage.
We hear of the "death of a marriage".
When somethings dies, it went of natural causes, accident, or foul play.
Two of the biggest marriage killers are money and sex. Usually too little and too much, respectively.
The lack and excess in some circumstances were preceded and caused by excess and lack beforehand.
The blossom of wealth showered upon newlyweds by spiraling downward into the siren song of consumer debt is commonly going to come before the abject poverty and strain of poverty that puts the thumbscrews to a marriage. The debt can follow the individuals past the death of the marriage; and divorce rarely solves the problem in the short term.
The excess of sex seen in an affair; EXTRA-marital sex is aptly named, may well occur in marriages with a zesty, vibrant sex life, but it surely isn't the stereotype. More common is the couple in which the sex life was sparse or a monotonous, "fine." We speak of an affair partner as "temptation". Temptation from what? Not just sexless marriages, but those that are listless. Good, "solid" marriages can falter due to the lure of a desirable affair partner offering enthusiasm not seen since the honeymoon. This is animal nature and spouses can succumb. It isn't just an absence of sex that can kill a marriage, it can be numbing routine.
Temptation can only exist where there is a want. We don't speak of temptations in terms of needs. Needs will be fulfilled and no one should judge. Only wants are associated with disciplined abstinence.
When a strong enough "want" meets with temptation, the result can be death.
"Needs" kill a person. "Wants" murder in pairs.
I'm not finished listening and they may get to my very point, so don't go thinking I'm regurgitating their conclusions. Perhaps I'm merely following dots like any normal person and too eager to share in order to wait to find out if the hosts say the same darn thing.
The podcast is thoroughly worth a listen for monogamous types. When your needs aren't met, our partner's reaction or our own denial of self can inappropriately diminish our own prioritization unreasonably.
One reaction I've heard more than once to sexless partners' observation that their sex lives are anemic is: "No One Ever Died From Lack of Sex"
This, to my knowledge, is true. So when we say we don't "need" sex, we must admit it is not oxygen, food, water, or sleep.
The dismissiveness by the indifferent partner is premature though, as well as incomplete.
Sex for an individual is a not a need, it gets relegated to the class of "want". No matter the intensity and misery, sexlessness represents an unmet "want".
No single person ever died from lack of sex.
But, guess what? No one ever died from excessive sex either.
When a love affair is lethal, it's generally from a bullet or blunt instrument. The sex itself wasn't the weapon.
But when a spouse discovers a love affair, filing for divorce is amongst the most common reactions. No other act need must occur. The sex caused the divorce. The marriage is destroyed. It is no more, it's gone on to meet it's maker. It is an ex-marriage.
We hear of the "death of a marriage".
When somethings dies, it went of natural causes, accident, or foul play.
Two of the biggest marriage killers are money and sex. Usually too little and too much, respectively.
The lack and excess in some circumstances were preceded and caused by excess and lack beforehand.
The blossom of wealth showered upon newlyweds by spiraling downward into the siren song of consumer debt is commonly going to come before the abject poverty and strain of poverty that puts the thumbscrews to a marriage. The debt can follow the individuals past the death of the marriage; and divorce rarely solves the problem in the short term.
The excess of sex seen in an affair; EXTRA-marital sex is aptly named, may well occur in marriages with a zesty, vibrant sex life, but it surely isn't the stereotype. More common is the couple in which the sex life was sparse or a monotonous, "fine." We speak of an affair partner as "temptation". Temptation from what? Not just sexless marriages, but those that are listless. Good, "solid" marriages can falter due to the lure of a desirable affair partner offering enthusiasm not seen since the honeymoon. This is animal nature and spouses can succumb. It isn't just an absence of sex that can kill a marriage, it can be numbing routine.
Temptation can only exist where there is a want. We don't speak of temptations in terms of needs. Needs will be fulfilled and no one should judge. Only wants are associated with disciplined abstinence.
When a strong enough "want" meets with temptation, the result can be death.
"Needs" kill a person. "Wants" murder in pairs.
