5 months and counting

new

« Prev
1
Next »

lollyfischer
New Member

Posts: 2

5 months and counting Jun 6, 2016 20:28:54 GMT -5 via mobile JMX, Isabellas39, and 3 more like this

Quote

Post by lollyfischer on Jun 6, 2016 20:28:54 GMT -5

Hello all-

I am 28 years old and have been married for 7 years, together for 10. My husband is a wonderful person, great father and great friend. Unfortunately that is all he is to me anymore. We haven't had sex in 5 months and it is killing me in ever sense. I have grown more and more insecure each day and am depressed and super unhappy. I lay next to him each night but feel so lonely, it's like having a roommate that's my best friend not a lover. I have tried many times to initrate things and get rejected. I have tried to make myself look nice to entice him, nothing. I am only over weight about 15 pounds but the way he ignores me I feel like it's 100. I am so lonely.I am only 28 yet I feel as of I've been married for 50 years. I want excitement passion and list back. I don't want a roommate or a best friend I want a lover. I am so happy I found this place it feels so good to talk about all of this...thanks for listenin everyone. I apologize if it's difficult to read/comprehend my post I'm on my phone

obobfla
Senior Members

Trying to keep all the balls in the air

Posts: 1,143

Age Range: 56-60

5 months and counting Jun 6, 2016 20:37:03 GMT -5 Isabellas39, bballgirl, and 3 more like this

Quote

Post by obobfla on Jun 6, 2016 20:37:03 GMT -5

lollyfischer, glad you are here! And I don't blame you for wanting the passion back. I think you and your hubby are due for a long talk before it is too late. IMHO, if you are not having sex, you are not communicating. He may be resentful of something or under a lot of stress. I think most of us here would tell you to get it fixed or get out. The worst thing is to not say anything and stay in that awful limbo of a sexless marriage.

Last Edit: Jun 6, 2016 20:38:09 GMT -5 by obobfla

angryspartan Full Member Posts: 246	5 months and counting Jun 6, 2016 20:38:26 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by angryspartan on Jun 6, 2016 20:38:26 GMT -5 Has anything else changed about him? Is he distant in any other ways?

bballgirl
Senior Members

Posts: 3,462

5 months and counting Jun 6, 2016 20:44:45 GMT -5 via mobile JMX, Isabellas39, and 5 more like this

Quote

Post by bballgirl on Jun 6, 2016 20:44:45 GMT -5

You need to communicate, lay your cards on the table, let him know that right now you love him and want him but that's a two way street and as your husband it's his job to make you feel wanted and desired. If he doesn't eventually you will no longer want him.
Let him know your expectations and what you want and if he can not be an enthusiastic lover on a regular basis then there will be consequences for his inaction.

Welcome you are in the right place for support.

baza
Senior Members

Tread your own path

Posts: 5,556

5 months and counting Jun 6, 2016 21:31:36 GMT -5 JMX, thefullmoon, and 5 more like this

Quote

Post by baza on Jun 6, 2016 21:31:36 GMT -5

Welcome to the zoo Sister lollyfischer.
Most people arrive here with a perspective that "everything is great bar the sex" (and yours reads this way too).

So my suggestion is that you take a really objective look at your situation and test your perception to see if it is actually accurate.
In the short history of this group (and the 7 year history of the EP group 'I Live In a Sexless Marriage") this perception that "everything is great bar the sex" invariably is shown to be untrue. There are usually other deep seated issues and the lack of sex is but a symptom.

A read of the back stories of members here shows this quite often.
The starting point is that "everything is great bar the sex".
The finishing point is invariably VERY different.
Invariably it is "everything ain't so great generally, and there is not even some decent sex to compensate".

Last Edit: Jun 7, 2016 7:02:19 GMT -5 by baza

Deleted Deleted Member Posts: 0	5 months and counting Jun 6, 2016 22:19:10 GMT -5 via mobile darktippedrose, thefullmoon, and 5 more like this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2016 22:19:10 GMT -5 Affair Divorce Celibacy Take your pick.

lwoetin Senior Members Posts: 1,009 Age Range: 51-55	5 months and counting Jun 7, 2016 3:05:13 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by lwoetin on Jun 7, 2016 3:05:13 GMT -5 Welcome lf. It is a zoo or jungle, whichever you prefer. A lot of colorful characters here to cheer up a 28 and lonely female. Gggrrrrr!!

unmatched
Senior Members

It is what we don't do that we come to regret the most.

Posts: 1,472

Age Range: 41-45

5 months and counting Jun 7, 2016 7:13:06 GMT -5 Isabellas39, greatcoastal, and 5 more like this

Quote

Post by unmatched on Jun 7, 2016 7:13:06 GMT -5

It's not you. It's him.
It's not you. It's him.
It's not you. It's him.

Please repeat this to yourself 50 times a day until it soaks into your brain.

It's not you. It's him.

Once that is well and truly established in your mind, THEN take a long hard look at your marriage and ask yourself what it means that the person who is supposed to love you more than anything else in the world is watching you get insecure and depressed and letting you blame yourself for it, without lifting a finger to do doing anything about it. (And yes he does know...) See if he still looks like a wonderful person then.

wewbwb
Senior Members

But I could be wrong...

Posts: 6,438

5 months and counting Jun 7, 2016 7:39:55 GMT -5 unmatched, bballgirl, and 3 more like this

Quote

Post by wewbwb on Jun 7, 2016 7:39:55 GMT -5

unmatched said it best (actually 3 times) But do not EVER ignore the advice of bballgirl - They are both right- That being said you MAY have a part in the communication issues - maybe you could try to see if he will open up.
5 months is a long time

- it will NOT get better until something changes - so change it. Talk - counseling - other things I should just keep in my head, but do something.

Last Edit: Jun 7, 2016 7:47:53 GMT -5 by wewbwb

Don't be a perverted asshole.
Be a perverted gentleman.

Shoutbox

This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)

mirrororchid: Spammers got cleaned out. Shout out to ModHatter, I think. Sept 4, 2024 4:08:04 GMT -5

mirrororchid: We've compared denier/refuser spouses to prison wardens. Dr. Psychmom has compared them to hostage takers and the unhappy spouse has Stockholm syndrome. Prisoners can't leave. Stockholm hostages don't because they want a good outcome for the captor. Sept 10, 2024 18:54:11 GMT -5

mirrororchid: Heard on a podcast: "Dating is where we present our best selves. Vulnerability is the opposite. Where we risk our partner knowing things that are imperfect. This is the way to forge the life partner bond." Sept 10, 2024 19:17:03 GMT -5

jerri: Gems!Hiya precious people

Sept 12, 2024 0:05:11 GMT -5

week5of35years: My Wife had 30 free mins before she had to start work this AM... I said.. "lets have a quick shag" and she said she was going to walk the dog instead.... Still work to do.... Sept 17, 2024 3:51:34 GMT -5

isthisit: Week 5; For once I am in your wife’s corner on this one, I’d have walked the dog too! You need to work in your delivery there… Sept 20, 2024 0:01:57 GMT -5

week5of35years: LOL, in my defence, I squeezed her boobs as we were waking up and she was pretty responsive ...... If that had just come out of the blue I would have smacked myself in the face .... ha ha ha Sept 23, 2024 5:54:56 GMT -5

mirrororchid: "Teamwork makes the dream work." - "Ever heard of the Pareto principle?" Sept 29, 2024 14:50:23 GMT -5 *

worksforme2: Happy Birthday shamwow.... Oct 11, 2024 8:03:34 GMT -5

worksforme2: Happy Birthday greatcoastal,...interesting detail above, 6714 posts in one day... Oct 14, 2024 8:44:23 GMT -5

greatcoastal: Thanks for the Happy B.D. wishes worksforme2! Oct 14, 2024 21:06:49 GMT -5

worksforme2: Happy Birthday misssunnybunny.... Oct 23, 2024 5:51:58 GMT -5

misssunnybunny: Thank you!!

Oct 23, 2024 9:20:24 GMT -5

wewbwb: Happy birthday misssunnybunny! You are awesomeness! Oct 24, 2024 17:49:43 GMT -5

misssunnybunny: Thank you!!