Post by lightbeam3076 on Mar 12, 2022 2:45:07 GMT -5
It's a detailed memoir about a wife describing her sexless marriage just released.
It covers: - Life after babies: chronic fatigue syndrome, post natal depression, the shock of motherhood and why a woman may not want sex for a while after that. - A husband with a low libido, psychological erectile dysfunction and not being too honest about it all. - Asexuality - All the things she tried and failed to do to fix it all over a 12 year marriage. - How she learnt to love herself enough to break patterns of codependency and build some solid boundaries of what was acceptable and unacceptable treatment.
Hope it's okay to mention here. I know it'll be useful to others who are finding it tough to face up to the realities of their circumstances and is especially there to help the partner being rejected realise it's not necessarily their fault.
Post by lightbeam3076 on Mar 12, 2022 11:48:20 GMT -5
Here's the back of the book blurb:
I love my husband. He no longer wants sex. Is it me?
Follow the quest of one wife as she tries to fix her dead-bedroom marriage.
Hard On Us is the tale of a couple who love each other but do not consistently prioritise intimacy. It shows how two people are unable to meet each other's needs once the thrill of love collides with the stresses of real life (including babies, post partum depression, household chores, caring for elderly parents, interracial marriage, chronic fatigue and BPD).
If you feel alone sharing your marital bed or are longing for your partner to meet your most intimate needs, this book is your companion. If you feel confused, hurt or rejected because your partner shows little desire for you, there is much to relate to here.
Hard On Us shows the difficulties a couple face trying to identify, admit, discuss and get timely treatment for falling sex drives and mismatched libidos. When you're in a sexless marriage and you've tried everything, can opening up the relationship – through an affair, polyamory, swinging or casual sex – be a sustainable solution? Read on to discover what can go right – and wrong.
Author Donna Mitra also offers one woman’s frank thoughts on psychological erectile dysfunction. She fearlessly discusses taboo subjects like testosterone levels, penis performance issues, the use of hard on pills like Viagra & Cialis, and the mistakes made by medical practitioners and therapists.
Above all, Hard On Us is one woman's celebration of sex, sensuality and learning to honour her own needs along the way.
If an ordinary mum believes she’s worthy of a little more love and intimacy with her partner – don’t you?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Donna Mitra spent twelve years in a sexless marriage. Marriage, relationships, motherhood and parenting don’t come with a manual but Mitra's work is filled with the hard-earned lessons of real-life experience.
PUBLIC REVIEWS (sent directly to Donna and used with permission, subject to anonymity):
'It takes great courage to write about the very heart of a relationship, especially the parts that are going wrong.' - MG
'You've given me so much to think about and your lessons learned and words on self-care are incredibly helpful.' – J
‘It’s like you just opened up completely to the reader and told them to come and live with your husband and you.’- RG
'I am the higher libido partner and my experiences echo yours so closely. My wife's zero interest in sex has left me hurt. She is mostly unwilling to understand how big a deal it is for me. Sleeping next to someone you love and want to be physical with messes my head up. It's good to have a book that captures that so well' – JC
'Your post-childbirth experience has given me a new perspective on my wife's time and I will reflect on that. I'm sure it will help me talk to her. Lots happened in that time and she has a lot to work through. Life is complicated!' - Anonymous
‘This is easy to read- it flows naturally and feels like the kind of intimate chat I’d have with a girlfriend about their life over a cup of tea!’- CB
'Your description of childbirth could have described my wife's experience. Well done, it's a fantastic read!' - AR
'I think you've written a fantastic book. Reading your book took me back 16 years and was almost a mirror for what happened to us...they are uncannily close to our experience.' - D
An interesting and unique book. Searingly honest . Has a number of helpful suggestions as how to tackle low libido . Erectile dysfunction , self care and marital ups and downs whilst leaving no stone left unturned . Leaves me with a number of questions I am keen to ask the author , but her unflinching self evaluation suggests that she is very aware of some of the repeated patterns throughout . Recommended
Dear lightbeam3076 , would you recommend this reading to a refuser? Do you think it would help the refuser understand the impact of their actions? My husband seems to think that I am now obsessed with sex. I am not, I wish he could understand how much I miss it and how his indifference towards it hurts me. We had a great sex life before he got prostate cancer and had to have radical prostatectomy.
Post by lightbeam3076 on Mar 20, 2022 5:31:31 GMT -5
Hi lonelycat. I'm also in the position of being refused. I found my husband sticks his head in the sand like an ostrich about the whole subject so it's hard to say whether yours will read it. I know personal shame and an inability to admit or confront hard issues is a very human response. But if love is there, he may surprise you and try.
What I eventually realised was important was why I let us continue the way we did as long as I did. Why was I complicit in that pattern of denial? Why did I accept that lack of intimacy for as many years as I did? What did that say about my own autonomy and decision making processes? The book helped me come to terms with that. It will help you the most I hope because you're at least still asking the right questions, ready to face the difficult subject and also recognise that you deserve to feel intimacy from a partner (whether his penis works or not).
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
mirrororchid: If something is troubling you and thoughts are keeping the sandman away, venting at 7cups.com may help? If you're just awake inconveniently and want cyber company, chatzy.com may have a group similarly unoccupied.
Mar 28, 2022 6:01:09 GMT -5
jim44444: Thank.you Admin for deleting the spammers
Mar 31, 2022 8:52:13 GMT -5
njsojourner: My advice to those Suffering: screw it! Literally. Everyone deserves a fulfilling sexual life. Get it however you can. Life is short. I have no illusions —when I get caught my wife will have to decide what’s most important to her. I am not stopping!
Mar 31, 2022 21:05:18 GMT -5
desertfather: I just felt lonely lately. Wanted to talk to someone.
Apr 5, 2022 8:29:18 GMT -5
mirrororchid: I mention a few online chat rooms a few posts up, desertfather. Meetup.com provides real live people to chat with. Given your ILIASM situation, a lot of folks locate a therapist. (helpful for touchy subjects you can't go over with friends for over a year.
Apr 6, 2022 4:50:03 GMT -5