When life gives you lemons, make lemonade
Mar 12, 2022 1:03:53 GMT -5
greatcoastal, northstarmom, and 5 more like this
Post by lightbeam3076 on Mar 12, 2022 1:03:53 GMT -5
I'm determined to have no hard feelings about the sexless marriage I'm about to leave- after fourteen years together.
I tried everything and I mean EVERYTHING. So my conscience is clear.
Letting go took five years. It began by accepting our SM as a given and just picking up the pieces and trying something different - like a kid whose tower block had just fallen. No hard feelings, I'd just try and try again.
In my darkest moments which included depression, chronic fatigue, and an eventual erectile dysfunction diagnosis, I know that anyone trying to talk to me about lemons would, at best, have generated a grunt from me. Now that I know what it feels like to insist on change this motto helped me admit that I made some wrong choices in life and failed spectacularly. That's okay. I'm okay. We're okay. Now I like to think of my experiences positively- life always gives you a second chance.
In the end, a sexless marriage and depression taught me that it is okay to hide, just not for a lifetime. Life is too precious to spend in hiding. I got myself out of this using a thousand small steps but they all began by thinking about lemons. The only way forward was to begin where I was, accept things as they are and go easy on myself. I can no longer take myself or life quite so seriously.
To start with I accepted that I had done my best and that it was okay to make mistakes. I would begin as I found myself. I dropped all expectations of where I was supposed to be and stopped looking back at what I had lost with my husband. I would not take myself or my current circumstances too seriously. I would not be defined by my husband's desire for me.
It was time to make the most of what I had right here, right now.
Above all, I would try to be kind to myself.
This process of acceptance of a SM took me about five years in total (the whole length of it really). Only now am I ready to leave. It took a lot of growing up on my part- I had to recognise my own codependency and idealism first. I had to face up to being in an abusive narcisstic relationship.
I wish I'd known about ILIASM all these years- I only learnt about you after publishing my book on the whole subject of a sexless marriage last week. Someone wrote to me last night and said 'Have you heard about ILIASM?'. As soon as I got on here I read everything I could. Your stories are so incredibly similar to my own- you are my community! I'm the higher libido female and have literally ticked every box of experience that writers talk of here.
Call me naive but I'm leaving this marriage in as positive a way as I can, determined to put our kids first and be friends. I've got this - so have you.
Can't wait to share my experiences with you all and learn more about yours. Please only be supportive- I don't need negative vibes in my life anymore. Also, if you're interested in the whole story feel free to PM me.
With love to all the gorgeous, sexy people who deserve to be loved
xx
I tried everything and I mean EVERYTHING. So my conscience is clear.
Letting go took five years. It began by accepting our SM as a given and just picking up the pieces and trying something different - like a kid whose tower block had just fallen. No hard feelings, I'd just try and try again.
In my darkest moments which included depression, chronic fatigue, and an eventual erectile dysfunction diagnosis, I know that anyone trying to talk to me about lemons would, at best, have generated a grunt from me. Now that I know what it feels like to insist on change this motto helped me admit that I made some wrong choices in life and failed spectacularly. That's okay. I'm okay. We're okay. Now I like to think of my experiences positively- life always gives you a second chance.
In the end, a sexless marriage and depression taught me that it is okay to hide, just not for a lifetime. Life is too precious to spend in hiding. I got myself out of this using a thousand small steps but they all began by thinking about lemons. The only way forward was to begin where I was, accept things as they are and go easy on myself. I can no longer take myself or life quite so seriously.
To start with I accepted that I had done my best and that it was okay to make mistakes. I would begin as I found myself. I dropped all expectations of where I was supposed to be and stopped looking back at what I had lost with my husband. I would not take myself or my current circumstances too seriously. I would not be defined by my husband's desire for me.
It was time to make the most of what I had right here, right now.
Above all, I would try to be kind to myself.
This process of acceptance of a SM took me about five years in total (the whole length of it really). Only now am I ready to leave. It took a lot of growing up on my part- I had to recognise my own codependency and idealism first. I had to face up to being in an abusive narcisstic relationship.
I wish I'd known about ILIASM all these years- I only learnt about you after publishing my book on the whole subject of a sexless marriage last week. Someone wrote to me last night and said 'Have you heard about ILIASM?'. As soon as I got on here I read everything I could. Your stories are so incredibly similar to my own- you are my community! I'm the higher libido female and have literally ticked every box of experience that writers talk of here.
Call me naive but I'm leaving this marriage in as positive a way as I can, determined to put our kids first and be friends. I've got this - so have you.
Can't wait to share my experiences with you all and learn more about yours. Please only be supportive- I don't need negative vibes in my life anymore. Also, if you're interested in the whole story feel free to PM me.
With love to all the gorgeous, sexy people who deserve to be loved
xx