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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Mar 8, 2022 9:55:06 GMT -5
So Ive come to a decision recently. And I feel fairly comfortable with it. No guilt or secomd thoughts.
As some of you may have read, I am dabbling in married dating. Or at least my version of married dating.
It has occured to me that at some point W may suspect or ask if I have stepped outside. In the interim, I plan on being respectful and highly discreet. Dont ask dont tell if you will. However, I will choose to be straight with her if the question does comes up. I will let her know if I am involved in play time outside of marriage.
I have decided that sex and desire is important to me and my health. Enough so that I choose not to be with out it at this stage of my life. W already knows this. And in the past she has used it against me, weaponized it if you will. But I no longer bear resentment for those transgresssions.
It is now clear to me after so many years that she processes intimacy in different ways that no longer involve frequent sex or desire or fantasy. I have made peace with that.
I am cognizant that she may or may not approve of these external daliances. I am willing and ready to have that conversation if it comes to that. Knowing her though, I doubt she will want to know if she suspects. Or if she does want to know I suspect that she will want to maintain our lifestyle at least until the kids are out of the house. I may be wrong on both counts. Even so, I accept that this decision could ultimately lead to divorce.
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Post by rejected101 on Mar 9, 2022 14:32:16 GMT -5
So Ive come to a decision recently. And I feel fairly comfortable with it. No guilt or secomd thoughts. As some of you may have read, I am dabbling in married dating. Or at least my version of married dating. It has occured to me that at some point W may suspect or ask if I have stepped outside. In the interim, I plan on being respectful and highly discreet. Dont ask dont tell if you will. However, I will choose to be straight with her if the question does comes up. I will let her know if I am involved in play time outside of marriage. I have decided that sex and desire is important to me and my health. Enough so that I choose not to be with out it at this stage of my life. W already knows this. And in the past she has used it against me, weaponized it if you will. But I no longer bear resentment for those transgresssions. It is now clear to me after so many years that she processes intimacy in different ways that no longer involve frequent sex or desire or fantasy. I have made peace with that. I am cognizant that she may or may not approve of these external daliances. I am willing and ready to have that conversation if it comes to that. Knowing her though, I doubt she will want to know if she suspects. Or if she does want to know I suspect that she will want to maintain our lifestyle at least until the kids are out of the house. I may be wrong on both counts. Even so, I accept that this decision could ultimately lead to divorce. You mention your wife has weaponised your natural desire for sex. I think many of us will have seen that in our own way. In all probability she would prefer to know if you were ‘over the side’ as it’s natural human instinct. I’d probably prevent her from knowing at all cost. She doesn’t have the right to know so very easily. People like you and I were forced on to a forum where we very privately seek comfort as the refusers have generally speaking, removed the dinner from the table with zero explanation in most cases. Keep quiet, maintain your right to an image that people won’t judge and let her join a forum and speak privately to people who suspect their significant others of affairs. Keep quiet and although she suspect she doesn’t care Keep quite and she doesn’t know or suspect Keep quiet quiet and although she suspects she doesn’t know Or Be honest and hand her the ammunition to character assassinate you. |
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Post by steve1968 on Mar 9, 2022 17:14:05 GMT -5
I find myself routinely fantasizing about doing what you describe as "married dating". And there are days I wish I had the 'balls' that you do to decide to act upon it and be ready to live with the consequences.
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Post by baza on Mar 9, 2022 18:49:08 GMT -5
TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo . I can't re-call (and I'm too lazy to go back through your posts) if you've taken legal advice concerning how a divorce would shake out for you. Anyway, introducing a third party into an ILIASM situation is invariably a game changer, but unfortunately no-one knows just how the game may change. All you can do is prepare as well as you can for a worst case scenario. So, a question .... What do you see as being a worst case scenario, and are you prepared for that ?
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Mar 10, 2022 7:07:27 GMT -5
Lots to think about here. In some ways, I dont think my wife would mind being released of the sexual burden. Culturally, its almost expected that latino men take on lovers. Ive never been that way. But now I guess nature is taking its course. So Ive come to a decision recently. And I feel fairly comfortable with it. No guilt or secomd thoughts. As some of you may have read, I am dabbling in married dating. Or at least my version of married dating. It has occured to me that at some point W may suspect or ask if I have stepped outside. In the interim, I plan on being respectful and highly discreet. Dont ask dont tell if you will. However, I will choose to be straight with her if the question does comes up. I will let her know if I am involved in play time outside of marriage. I have decided that sex and desire is important to me and my health. Enough so that I choose not to be with out it at this stage of my life. W already knows this. And in the past she has used it against me, weaponized it if you will. But I no longer bear resentment for those transgresssions. It is now clear to me after so many years that she processes intimacy in different ways that no longer involve frequent sex or desire or fantasy. I have made peace with that. I am cognizant that she may or may not approve of these external daliances. I am willing and ready to have that conversation if it comes to that. Knowing her though, I doubt she will want to know if she suspects. Or if she does want to know I suspect that she will want to maintain our lifestyle at least until the kids are out of the house. I may be wrong on both counts. Even so, I accept that this decision could ultimately lead to divorce. You mention your wife has weaponised your natural desire for sex. I think many of us will have seen that in our own way. In all probability she would prefer to know if you were ‘over the side’ as it’s natural human instinct. I’d probably prevent her from knowing at all cost. She doesn’t have the right to know so very easily. People like you and I were forced on to a forum where we very privately seek comfort as the refusers have generally speaking, removed the dinner from the table with zero explanation in most cases. Keep quiet, maintain your right to an image that people won’t judge and let her join a forum and speak privately to people who suspect their significant others of affairs. Keep quiet and although she suspect she doesn’t care Keep quite and she doesn’t know or suspect Keep quiet quiet and although she suspects she doesn’t know Or Be honest and hand her the ammunition to character assassinate you. |
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Mar 10, 2022 7:11:31 GMT -5
You give me too much credit. I have been through some pretty dark days. We all have our journeys. The beauty is you get to pick yours. That part takes balls. And you can start today. Baby steps. There is a longer post here about men and the lonely burdens we carry. That can take its toll. But there is a way. We have to be deliberate about it every damn day. Will post more on this because its a good topic for my brotherhood on this board. I find myself routinely fantasizing about doing what you describe as "married dating". And there are days I wish I had the 'balls' that you do to decide to act upon it and be ready to live with the consequences. |
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Mar 10, 2022 7:14:44 GMT -5
I have. Financially it doesn't shake out to great. Worst case is divorce and kids "might" be mad. But Im about as good a dad as you can find out there and they know it. More likely though, W sees the social value in our marriage and turns a blind eye as long as Im respectful and keep her otherwise satisfied. TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo . I can't re-call (and I'm too lazy to go back through your posts) if you've taken legal advice concerning how a divorce would shake out for you. Anyway, introducing a third party into an ILIASM situation is invariably a game changer, but unfortunately no-one knows just how the game may change. All you can do is prepare as well as you can for a worst case scenario. So, a question .... What do you see as being a worst case scenario, and are you prepared for that ? |
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