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Post by catlover on Feb 9, 2022 13:26:52 GMT -5
I have resigned myself to the fact that although I won't be leaving, I won't be having the horizontal Mambo with the wife, ever again.
Now the choices available are pretty simple. Do nothing and carry on being a wanker, outsource, or drug the wife and have my way with her (joking).
Lets see, I have tried the outsourcing route, both paid and FWB (aka affair), neither is very satisfactory to me
Do nothing and carry on being a wanker? Nope, also not satisfactory.
Trouble is, in my twisted mind, I don't want anyone else, I want her and her only, even though she is hardly the person I married, between her illness and the (alleged?) sexual abuse (allegedly a single occurrence), sex is off the table, not even the remotest chance of a handie or blowie. A raunchy or semi raunchy joke is met with dissaproval.
This, understandably?, all leaves me with a lot of resentment and frustration, I don't know what to do anymore.
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Post by heelots on Feb 9, 2022 14:21:51 GMT -5
I have resigned myself to the fact that although I won't be leaving, I won't be having the horizontal Mambo with the wife, ever again. Now the choices available are pretty simple. Do nothing and carry on being a wanker, outsource, or drug the wife and have my way with her (joking). Lets see, I have tried the outsourcing route, both paid and FWB (aka affair), neither is very satisfactory to me Do nothing and carry on being a wanker? Nope, also not satisfactory. Trouble is, in my twisted mind, I don't want anyone else, I want her and her only, even though she is hardly the person I married, between her illness and the (alleged?) sexual abuse (allegedly a single occurrence), sex is off the table, not even the remotest chance of a handie or blowie. A raunchy or semi raunchy joke is met with dissaproval. This, understandably?, all leaves me with a lot of resentment and frustration, I don't know what to do anymore. If you are staying and things are as you describe then you have what I have, a roommate and not a wife. I can tell you that having a roommate instead of a wife is much easier if you do not share a bed with them. Also, always remind yourself she is a roommate and you will not be as angry with her as often because she is just a roommate and not a wife so you come to expect less from them in every way. That is how it has worked for me anyway. |
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Post by baza on Feb 9, 2022 17:28:30 GMT -5
Brother catlover . Oftentimes in these situations where you abandon any "husband/wife" aspirations you have, and adopt a "room mate" approach, you discover that your spouse is not even much of room mate. |
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Post by catlover on Feb 10, 2022 0:15:23 GMT -5
Brother catlover . Oftentimes in these situations where you abandon any "husband/wife" aspirations you have, and adopt a "room mate" approach, you discover that your spouse is not even much of room mate. I have to come to her defence here, she tries her hardest in all other aspects. Great cook, tries to be a clean freak (which really pisses me off at times , I must be honest), compassionate GRANDMOTHER. I would gladly give up all the rest for good old dirty fun. |
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Post by ironhamster on Feb 10, 2022 3:47:03 GMT -5
Brother catlover . Oftentimes in these situations where you abandon any "husband/wife" aspirations you have, and adopt a "room mate" approach, you discover that your spouse is not even much of room mate. I have to come to her defence here, she tries her hardest in all other aspects. Great cook, tries to be a clean freak (which really pisses me off at times , I must be honest), compassionate GRANDMOTHER. I would gladly give up all the rest for good old dirty fun. We all come looking for a solution because we are in love with our spouse. It may take a while for the answer to the question, "does your spouse love you," sink in. I know that was true in my case, and, while I didn't have those three positive bullet points that you have in your wife, I did find other things I felt justified holding onto and trying to fix our relationship. On another site, a woman made some observations about my wife, from clues I had given, which I argued against. The following year, I was fortunate to be able to call her up and apologize. I owed her that. She was right. So, hang in there. Maybe there is enough to hold onto, or maybe not. Either way, I hope you find your happiness. I know I have. |
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Post by heelots on Feb 10, 2022 11:15:16 GMT -5
Brother catlover . Oftentimes in these situations where you abandon any "husband/wife" aspirations you have, and adopt a "room mate" approach, you discover that your spouse is not even much of room mate. To this I will readily agree, however if you are somewhat trapped in your situation it can make your confinement a bit more tolerable. |
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Post by mirrororchid on Feb 10, 2022 20:13:34 GMT -5
...I have tried the outsourcing route, both paid and FWB (aka affair), neither is very satisfactory to me Trouble is, in my twisted mind, I don't want anyone else, I want her and her only, .... I'll ask why for all three. Why aren't hookers good enough? Why wasn't the affair helpful? Why is your wife the only one you want? Thorough answers will be more help in getting past your impasse. Perhaps this knot isn't Gordian. |
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Post by ironhamster on Feb 11, 2022 7:35:13 GMT -5
Regarding the FWB route, maybe you should try again. The first one might not have been any good.
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Post by catlover on Feb 11, 2022 22:00:17 GMT -5
...I have tried the outsourcing route, both paid and FWB (aka affair), neither is very satisfactory to me Trouble is, in my twisted mind, I don't want anyone else, I want her and her only, .... I'll ask why for all three. Why aren't hookers good enough? Why wasn't the affair helpful? Why is your wife the only one you want? Thorough answers will be more help in getting past your impasse. Perhaps this knot isn't Gordian. I had to think long and hard on this, or at least as long as my add brain can. (Also had to google the Gordian knot) pits not that ‘hookers’ aren’t good enough, but no matter how good they are or how attracted they seem to be, it’s temporary and I really don’t like sneaking around. That’s part of the problem with a fwb too. When I was working away from home mon to fri it was a lot easier. why’s the wife the only one that I want? Not too sure to be honest. Probably something to do with …..fuck, I don’t know, just is. That was a big reason my previous fwb went sour. I couldn’t keep my marriage out of it. Lessons learnt, a fwb doesn’t want to know about your sexual desires for the wife. I have started fishing again seriously in Ashley Madison too, perhaps the Gordian knot does need that sword slash (in case you hadn’t noticed, I like that phrase) |
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Post by jim44444 on Feb 13, 2022 14:38:29 GMT -5
... That was a big reason my previous fwb went sour. I couldn’t keep my marriage out of it. Lessons learnt, a fwb doesn’t want to know about your sexual desires for the wife.... Just knee jerk observation here but if your FWB does not want to hear about your wife then the F part (Friend) doesn't exist and what you have is a fuck buddy. The first part of FWB is friend and a friend cares about what is going on in your head. |
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Post by catlover on Feb 14, 2022 12:32:10 GMT -5
Noted!
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Post by northstarmom on Feb 14, 2022 17:00:21 GMT -5
jim: "Just knee jerk observation here but if your FWB does not want to hear about your wife then the F part (Friend) doesn't exist and what you have is a fuck buddy. The first part of FWB is friend and a friend cares about what is going on in your head."
If I chose to have a FWB, while I was with my FWB, I'd want him to talk about me things that interest both of us. I would not want to hear about how he sexually desired his wife. Would you want a woman who was having sex with you to talk about how she sexually desired her husband? Wouldn't you feel that the person was settling for you? Even if that were the truth, you wouldn't want it thrown in your face.
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lonelycat
New Member
Posts: 19 
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by lonelycat on Feb 14, 2022 19:53:03 GMT -5
I love your comments/replies, so down to the nail!
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Post by catlover on Feb 15, 2022 0:23:57 GMT -5
jim: "Just knee jerk observation here but if your FWB does not want to hear about your wife then the F part (Friend) doesn't exist and what you have is a fuck buddy. The first part of FWB is friend and a friend cares about what is going on in your head." If I chose to have a FWB, while I was with my FWB, I'd want him to talk about me things that interest both of us. I would not want to hear about how he sexually desired his wife. Would you want a woman who was having sex with you to talk about how she sexually desired her husband? Wouldn't you feel that the person was settling for you? Even if that were the truth, you wouldn't want it thrown in your face. Yes, lessons have been learnt. I think I have finally got over the wanting the wife part. If it was offered I would gladly participate, but I’m not going to be pursuing it. Actually feel happier than I have for quite a while, having taken charge and started doing something positive for me. Dunno how successful I’m going to be but dammit, gonna give it a good try anyhow. Win or lose I’m still doing something constructive and hopefully untangling or even splicing that Gordian knot |
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Post by mirrororchid on Feb 15, 2022 7:04:54 GMT -5
I had to think long and hard on this, or at least as long as my add brain can. (Also had to google the Gordian knot) pits not that ‘hookers’ aren’t good enough, but no matter how good they are or how attracted they seem to be, it’s temporary and I really don’t like sneaking around. That’s part of the problem with a fwb too. When I was working away from home mon to fri it was a lot easier. why’s the wife the only one that I want? Not too sure to be honest. Probably something to do with …..fuck, I don’t know, just is. That was a big reason my previous fwb went sour. I couldn’t keep my marriage out of it. Lessons learnt, a fwb doesn’t want to know about your sexual desires for the wife. I have started fishing again seriously in Ashley Madison too, perhaps the Gordian knot does need that sword slash (in case you hadn’t noticed, I like that phrase) : Didn't read your last message before writing this. Leaving it as is. Clarification of thought is not a bad thing even if you've no immediate plans to outsource. If you start again, it's good to know why and what you can expect from others and yourself.Perhaps describe the different experience of hookers versus FWBs since they share the drawback of "sneaking around". Is the physical skill superior with the professional so it has the edge? Is the generous giving of the FWB uplifting, so it would win the day? Both? Depending on your mood? Is the sneaking around distasteful due to the difficulty it imposes? Feelings of guilt? It mimics wrongdoing, though you do not feel as though you are acting immorally? When with the FWB/hooker, do you not want them at the time? Or do you only regret your trysts when they are over? I imagine that you "sneak around" to avoid divorce. Opening the marriage would have the same effect, so that's a non-starter, I assume. If the marriage were not in jeopardy, could you find yourself enjoying FWBs/escorts more? What would you like these encounters to be like? What is it about your wife that they do not provide? Is it your limitation or theirs? We're going from sword to scalpel here. |
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