Post by ironhamster on Jan 23, 2022 1:20:35 GMT -5
So sorry to hear, but, it's good that you are looking at this honestly. Nice guys finish last. For what it's worth, hitching your car to her train probably meant that you missed out on someone that could have loved you the way you needed. She might still be out there.
Have you ever told her how you felt and still feel? Like you have expressed here. It is worth the risk to be honest with her and yourself.
Painful intercourse is not uncommon after menopause but it can be treated and minimized. Unfortunately most OB/GYN docs are too busy with pregnant patients to invest time addressing the sexual problems of a postmenopausal woman. The prevailing attitude is the woman is too old to be wanting sex. A specialised clinic would be the appropriate medical treatment option. But that only works if she wants to fix the problem.
If she truly is not attracted to you then divorce may be best for both of you. She can find the one that turns her on and you can find one that is turned on by you.
"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."
Post by northstarmom on Jan 23, 2022 15:05:35 GMT -5
jim, the problem with your suggestion is that his wife has to want to have painless sex with him. If she's not sexually attracted to him, she may be glad that sex hurts because that gives her an excuse not to have sex with him. In general, people who love sex do everything possible to find a way to have sex even if it requires seeing multiple doctors.
It all reads like Brother @jack1957 has been treated as the junior partner in the deal from the get go. His aspirations for the relationship don't seem to have been a priority for Mrs jack1957 at any point. For that matter it doesn't appear that Brother @jack1957 has treated himself as a priority either.
Anyway, there's a saying about relationships - "Your maximum concession becomes the other persons minimum expectation"
Post by mirrororchid on Jan 24, 2022 7:01:08 GMT -5
You didn't explicitly say. Does the pain mean sex is absent? Infrequent? PIV sex is off the table, there were no substitutes? Other intimacy? Kissing like lovers do? Is she up for heavy petting, for example? The "urge" is sometimes summoned, rather than waited for. Getting started can make it happen. Mrs. Mirrororchid has some serious vaginismus, so I've got some idea of what you're going through.
If she's not even finding you attractive, would she understand if you wanted to meet with someone who disagreed. (you seem to describe yourself as ugly, but perhaps you're not objective in your assessment.)
You mention raising her kid and your own. Is she the mom? I don't think you said.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
mirrororchid: If something is troubling you and thoughts are keeping the sandman away, venting at 7cups.com may help? If you're just awake inconveniently and want cyber company, chatzy.com may have a group similarly unoccupied.
Mar 28, 2022 6:01:09 GMT -5
jim44444: Thank.you Admin for deleting the spammers
Mar 31, 2022 8:52:13 GMT -5
njsojourner: My advice to those Suffering: screw it! Literally. Everyone deserves a fulfilling sexual life. Get it however you can. Life is short. I have no illusions —when I get caught my wife will have to decide what’s most important to her. I am not stopping!
Mar 31, 2022 21:05:18 GMT -5
desertfather: I just felt lonely lately. Wanted to talk to someone.
Apr 5, 2022 8:29:18 GMT -5
mirrororchid: I mention a few online chat rooms a few posts up, desertfather. Meetup.com provides real live people to chat with. Given your ILIASM situation, a lot of folks locate a therapist. (helpful for touchy subjects you can't go over with friends for over a year.
Apr 6, 2022 4:50:03 GMT -5