|
|
Post by deadzone75 on Oct 10, 2021 12:42:27 GMT -5
deadzone75 - Congratulations on your move to Maine! Yes, it is quite cold up there! You won’t catch me living there but I am willing to visit…. As long as it’s above 65 degrees F 😁. Like you, I headed out of the state in which I lived for 30 years. I wanted a new beginning when I left my M, too. I went someplace much warmer, though! I’ve been thinking about your sex snob concerns. I remember the fantasies I had during my sm- the ones that helped me climax while masturbating. I remember I wanted to experience each one in real life- very badly! I get where you are coming from. But…. What I missed the most was the intimacy- the connection with someone who really understands my needs. You don’t get that when you rush to jump in bed with someone. I dare say you probably couldn’t begin to enact a fantasy without being comfortable with a partner. I’d also say an incredible amount of honest and vulnerable communication would be needed. Having an open and comfortable relationship that allows for fantasy play takes time, patience, and a whole lot of commitment to build. The rewards are incredible, though! I think you’ll need time to sift through your thoughts and desires so that you can clearly define what it is you want out of a sexual experience. Then you’re going to have to find a partner who has similar interests. In this case, a person who has escaped an sm could relate much better to why sex is important to you. I can honestly say, two years out of my M, I find that my fantasies are not nearly as important as touch- that feeling of being skin to skin with a partner. And maybe nipple play, too 😁. itme left his m at about the same time I did. I hope he will drop in to share what he has learned over the past two years. I wonder if a male perspective is different? Thank you! I am excited, but I think I may have overlooked, to a point, the brutality of winter here. As the cold creeps and the TV talks, I'm getting a sense of fantastically cruel winters. But...I did live in Iowa once upon a time, so I know I shouldn't be a complete jelly about it. You are 100% correct on fantasies. I'd do well to not be such an eager beaver, and in a way, I'm not. I'm as terrified and hesitant as I am impatient, if that makes sense. And my anticipation is just impatience for what you said: intimacy. Physical touch. It's easy to relate anything intimate to fantasy, since that's what the refused hang their hat on throughout the duration of their SM. I know fantasies will likely become less important in a world of two-way desire. At that point, depending on a variety of factors, fantasies will just be icing on the cake. For now, though...scented or unscented oil? |
|
|
|
Post by deadzone75 on Oct 10, 2021 12:45:20 GMT -5
I'll return soon with more thoughts on this discussion, but the one absolute that I will never give an inch on post SM is the "the sandwich" fantasy. It must happen before I die. AZ, ME, U.K. , doesn't matter...we are scheduled for a slippery explorative mind-blowing lunch. I don't care if we have to do it COVID remote style...it's going down.  Oooooooh. Tell me more about the going down bit. 😆 There will be downplay, up play, side to side play, back and forth play. When we're all slick with oil, we'll be one contorted pat of butter on a hot skillet. *imagine sizzle sound effects now* |
|
|
|
Post by deadzone75 on Oct 10, 2021 12:51:29 GMT -5
Y’all bring him to Nashville. We’ll show you a grand ol’ time! (Country music optional) And we got da hookup with someone who can get you swanky hotel discounts! That’s funnier than you know itme . I happen to know that Nashville is not top of DZ’s favourite places. 🤣 Something to do with ice-hockey I think. But I could…. just….tolerate Manchester for the joy of an oily wriggle, I’m sure DZ can rise above his sporting prejudices just once. And, ummm, thanks for the understanding about the music. Taylor is my limit with that. I will bring my ear buds just in case. 🤭 No disrespect to the citizens of Nashville, except Predator fans (excluding Padgemi, if he's a Predators fan).  But, yes, I'd have a hard time getting hard in such proximity to that team...but I think I could reach deep down to fight the evil forces of flaccidity just once if I had to. For the oily sandwich, I pledge to. |
|
|
|
Post by deadzone75 on Oct 10, 2021 13:10:26 GMT -5
***copious edits for clarity and grammatical forgiveness — I was chasing Jameson w/ local brew last night*** My first question is: does isthisit know? :-) Since sadkat called me out, I'll provide my summary of life after death; As a stark contrast to the marriage, I have not, with any precision or much effort, tracked sexual activity since divorce. I generally and approximately recall the following: -D-I-V-O-R-C-E in early June 2020. -Being an active flirt, but more or less fine with being single and alone and sexually-inactive. (I no longer had to answer to a cold hearted vampire) -Maybe a couple months after divorce, having a fling of sorts (#1) from hundreds of miles away with a friend I met online. We did meet in-person in the middle once, but ultimately it didn't work out. Mutual respect, I think. I miss you, friend. -Falling in unrequited love about November 2020. I was waaaay too smitten. Flirting and charm may have come easy with random women, but this one? I was absoultely inept and devoid of any charm. (Coincidentally, as I type this, she is in the back room of the bar right now. I haven't gone back there. She did not approach or speak to me when she came in, but she DID sing my non-anonymous request tonight.) -After having [sort-of] moved on from the above around February 2021, (and soon later at the same bar) some random smoking hot other (#2) asked me to dance, and then again, I did twice and bought her some drinks - I was mostly following her lead. She started talking like she was recently divorced from an SM of her own. She asked why I didn't kiss her (right there in the bar in front of everyone) so I did for a hot second, and then I asked "why don't we go outside?" Turns out she lived within walking distance and didn't want my drunk ass driving, but kept repeating “WE ARE NOT having sex” w/in earshot of the neighbors as we walked. I wasn’t about to challenge her on this, btw. So she put on some nice lingerie after we got there, we made out and fooled around a little, then she started crying about never getting oral from her ex, so I asked whether I should, the lingere disappeared in 2 seconds and I got straight to work! (and enjoyed the hell out of it) She hollered a few times, told me “no sucking, only licking”, hollered a few more times, then told me she would reciprocate in the morning, (but ended up not), we slept in each other's arms that night, I got up the next morning, got on a business zoom call, then we exchanged phone numbers, and by the time I texted her back, she remembered she had a boyfriend. I offered to still be friends, she said I was very kind, but we haven’t spoken since. (GD rackin’ frackin’ kindness 🤬😆) -Then from about July 2021 to last week, I was in a pretty wonderful and sexually-satisfying relationship with someone about 14 years my senior (#3), but suddenly it seemed to get toxic. Interestingly, in her second marriage, she admitted to having been the refuser. And in her third, the refused. She was trying to pull me toward eventually being her 4th H, but that ain’t gonna happen. Not now. Long story short, I’m holding fast to what I said to her: “Take me as I am or not at all.” Bottom line, deadzone75 my 1-1/2 cents is: 1. By all means, be as flirty and promiscuous as you like. 2. Don't fall in love with anyone other than yourself. 3. Don't move in with nobody. That is where the bondage begins and mama’s piano gets left behind. The term "living in sin" makes so much more sense to me now. (It ain't about the fornication. :-) 4. Also - Getting back in the saddle after long-term celibacy was damn awkward and quite the physical struggle for me. I started a thead on here about that. I think it's called "trouble finishing." I did mostly work through that with #3, but it took a while. Flirting will prove to be a big challenge for me, unless I really get to feel a person up...I mean out. I've found I can still flirt, but with someone I don't know, it would be as awkward as asking how someone's credit is on the first date (I reference this because a woman once asked me that on our first date). I think the days of getting spicy right off the bat are long in the rearview for me. Let's wind the clock back to 1993, when my friend and I picked up a couple girls at a payphone... outdoor telephones for you young folk. While driving, one of them said "I just want to fuck". I would go on to date one of those girls for a long time, and ultimately lose my virginity to her. Hey...small towns, man. Anyway, my point...what was my point? I talk tough, but I wonder what would happen if someone did make a move, or prompt me to make a move before I know where her sports allegiances lie? What if I meet someone who tells me her favorite book is Pet Sematary and wants me to take her to Mt. Hope Cemetery where the 1989 movie adaption was filmed? Would I tap the brakes? I should, because I don't think I can sacrifice what I want long term for a quick, mind-blowing, sensual fling. I would be less trusting of someone quick to jump my junk, especially someone who is allegedly just out of a SM...because they should feel what I feel. Horny? Of course...hornier than a three-peckered Billy goat. But there should be some hesitation, paranoia. Then again, what the hell do I know? I've been a blubbering mess for over a decade and a half...maybe what I need is a cold drink thrown in my face followed by some ravishing on a dance floor. Thanks for the advice, Padgemi. It is much appreciated. Getting back in the saddle...indeed a tall task on a horse than appears 10 ft tall. |
|
|
|
Post by sadkat on Oct 10, 2021 19:26:16 GMT -5
Wow! You all have been busy in my absence! One thing I need to get off my chest- why does isthisit get her way? I LOVE country music (including Taylor); I want to listen to country music; I’m not going to Nashville if I can’t listen to country music! 😡. itme- we can hold the other two hostage and take in some country music anyway- right? Seriously- I’m 100% in with a Nashville visit- Bonaroo 2022, here we come! deadzone75- unscented oil would be my choice. I don’t think we’d be able to agree on a scent, anyway. You know how I like to be difficult 😉. And itme is right- you have great flirting skills. All you need is practice translating them from the screen to a real life person! You’ll get there! |
|
|
|
Post by deadzone75 on Oct 13, 2021 1:53:11 GMT -5
Wow! You all have been busy in my absence! One thing I need to get off my chest- why does isthisit get her way? I LOVE country music (including Taylor); I want to listen to country music; I’m not going to Nashville if I can’t listen to country music! 😡. itme - we can hold the other two hostage and take in some country music anyway- right? Seriously- I’m 100% in with a Nashville visit- Bonaroo 2022, here we come! deadzone75 - unscented oil would be my choice. I don’t think we’d be able to agree on a scent, anyway. You know how I like to be difficult 😉. And itme is right- you have great flirting skills. All you need is practice translating them from the screen to a real life person! You’ll get there! I'm not going to be picky when it comes to such a small detail. I'd throw myself down a flight of stairs for that sandwich. |
|
|
|
Post by isthisit on Oct 13, 2021 15:11:29 GMT -5
Wow! You all have been busy in my absence! One thing I need to get off my chest- why does isthisit get her way? I LOVE country music (including Taylor); I want to listen to country music; I’m not going to Nashville if I can’t listen to country music! 😡. itme - we can hold the other two hostage and take in some country music anyway- right? Seriously- I’m 100% in with a Nashville visit- Bonaroo 2022, here we come! deadzone75 - unscented oil would be my choice. I don’t think we’d be able to agree on a scent, anyway. You know how I like to be difficult 😉. And itme is right- you have great flirting skills. All you need is practice translating them from the screen to a real life person! You’ll get there! I dare you to hate this brand new duet by “Tater Tot” and the “Smoky Mountain Songbird” (at least fast forward to the end:): Thanks for the tip, the end was my favourite bit. Sounded like cats fighting. Sorry itme you’re not going to turn me. Dolly’s boobs are just epic though aren’t they? |
|
|
|
Post by sadkat on Oct 13, 2021 23:18:56 GMT -5
deadzone75- No need for something that drastic. I’m sure a simple request would do the trick. itme- I have not heard the song by these two. Honestly, I haven’t made the time to listen. Are you offended by the cats fighting bit? I’m sure you agree that Dolly’s boobs are epic. 😁.
|
|
|
|
Post by isthisit on Oct 15, 2021 11:37:27 GMT -5
itme , please help out a foreigner, isn’t Nashville somewhere in the middle and not in the South? I will check out the lyrics when I have a little more time. With mute firmly on. 😖
|
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Oct 15, 2021 13:26:38 GMT -5
Nashville is in Tennessee, the mid south. Still Bible belt. Has a change of seasons and nice fall color but rarely does it snow there.
|
|
|
|
Post by heelots on Oct 15, 2021 16:08:19 GMT -5
itme , please help out a foreigner, isn’t Nashville somewhere in the middle and not in the South? I will check out the lyrics when I have a little more time. With mute firmly on. 😖 Tennessee is absolutely considered one of the southern states and part of Dixie! In fact, the very best grits I ever ate were in Nashville, and I am convinced you have to be in one of the truly southern states to get good grits!I do not think northerners know how cool grits. Once you have had them in a southern state the difference is noticeable. |
|
|
|
Post by heelots on Oct 15, 2021 16:08:48 GMT -5
itme , please help out a foreigner, isn’t Nashville somewhere in the middle and not in the South? I will check out the lyrics when I have a little more time. With mute firmly on. 😖 Tennessee is absolutely considered one of the southern states and part of Dixie! In fact, the very best grits I ever ate were in Nashville, and I am convinced you have to be in one of the truly southern states to get good grits!I do not think northerners know how cool grits. Once you have had them in a southern state the difference is noticeable. |
|
|
|
Post by isthisit on Oct 15, 2021 17:32:30 GMT -5
Okay, so TN is culturally ‘South’ whilst being in the middle-ish. Got it.
I have been to quite a few of the southern states. Let’s just say, not for me. Every one of them had mosquitos which could lift me off the ground. Horrendous.
|
|
|
|
Post by Handy on Oct 15, 2021 21:45:45 GMT -5
Grits=good Mosquitoes, roaches=bad
Eastern TN has lovely mountains.
|
|
|
|
Post by Handy on Oct 17, 2021 10:30:32 GMT -5
Padgemi, are the "skeeters" less of a problem in the mountainous areas?
Here in Montana, the river valleys have a significant mosquito-skeeter problem but there are fewer skeeters in the mountains. Also at sun rise, sunset I avoid some outside activities and when there is a decent breeze the skeeters are not a problem.
Sometimes when the local river floods, a person has to fill their pockets with steel balls or sand because the :skeeters" are so bad, they can almost carry you away. Wearing 2 pair of thin pants, a long sleeve shirt and a wind breaker jacket with a screen hat and plenty of mosquito repellent is advised. Thankfully the flooding only happens about every 20 years.
Some people take garlic pills to repel mosquitoes.
|
|
But, yes, I'd have a hard time getting hard in such proximity to that team...but I think I could reach deep down to fight the evil forces of flaccidity just once if I had to. For the oily sandwich, I pledge to. 
