optima
Junior Member
Posts: 35 
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Post by optima on Sept 12, 2021 22:39:56 GMT -5
My wife insists that her other mother friends of toddlers also do not have regular sex years after birth until it’s time to conceive the next child and it’s unreasonable of me to complain about months without, although she’s acknowledged it’s intolerable for me. I just don’t believe that all of these husbands would stand for no intimacy for years, as it is driving me mad. Women — is there any truth to the fact that women can go through the toddler years without any sex and that this is the norm? My sense is that happily married couples DO have sex beginning a month or two after childbirth and regularly thereafter. I think our situation is NOT the norm and, in any event, does not work for me. Thoughts?
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Post by baza on Sept 13, 2021 0:01:05 GMT -5
I think you might be well advised to suspend any judgement of what's normal, what other people do, or who's view is right (or wrong).
Your missus is "right".
You also are "right".
But being "right" doesn't cut much ice in an ILIASM situation.
It's best to make your choices in these situations by dealing only with the facts .... the facts as they are right here and now in your unique situation.
Not who's "right" (or wrong).
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Post by isthisit on Sept 13, 2021 0:10:33 GMT -5
My wife insists that her other mother friends of toddlers also do not have regular sex years after birth until it’s time to conceive the next child and it’s unreasonable of me to complain about months without, although she’s acknowledged it’s intolerable for me. I just don’t believe that all of these husbands would stand for no intimacy for years, as it is driving me mad. Women — is there any truth to the fact that women can go through the toddler years without any sex and that this is the norm? My sense is that happily married couples DO have sex beginning a month or two after childbirth and regularly thereafter. I think our situation is NOT the norm and, in any event, does not work for me. Thoughts? Go through the toddler years without any sex at all? No, that is uncommon I would say. It sounds much more like avoidance. I think that you have answered your own question here: “My sense is that happily married couples do have sex …”. There is your problem. Your marriage, just like everyone here, is dysfunctional in some way. From your other post you describe a marriage where your W gets it all just as she likes it and cares little that you are tearing your hair out. “Happily married couples” invest in each other’s happiness and their partner’s happiness in the relationship has equal billing to their own. That does not sound like your deal at all. I am sorry that you find yourself in this situation. It is true that many women can get overly focused on being a mum and initially “neglect” the sexual side of their marriage. After all it’s no picnic for anyone those first few weeks, delightful as they are. Your boobs are killing you, leaking milk, your body doesn’t just snap back to where it was (despite those oh so helpful celebrities giving this impression) and not to mention the carnage of your undercarriage if you had a vaginal delivery. Lack of sleep, lots of visitors and kaleidoscope of hormones, and it can all be overwhelming. You acknowledge all of this though, and of course it all settles down to a new normal. My view is that you’re being gaslighted here. I do not see how your wife can not know that other women get back on the horse within a few weeks as you describe. Women talk about such stuff amongst themselves. That your wife is purposely constructing an untruth to gaslight you is significant and allows you to see what you are dealing with. |
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 13, 2021 1:43:15 GMT -5
I remember being exhausted, having vaginal pain during intercourse, and -- due to nursing for 12-14 months -- feeling "touched out." However, after I weaned my kids, I wanted sex, not as often as I wanted it pre pregnancy (because being a working mom with toddlers is exhausting), but I still wanted sex.
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