When You Say "text her" I am guessing you mean the friend. it is unclear because you used the word she when you also described "she" as your wife.
I don't shag anyone in my close circle that hangs out or would possibly hurt my H. MY rule is not yours and I support whatever you do. Your wifey cheated you out of sex and I would not place any blame if you found a FWB. You have every right to tell her once that you will be getting sex elsewhere and then follow through.
reason number two --You said you had a fair amount to drink. Inhibitions run very low and to text when sober.<---yikes. Just not a good idea and you risk losing a friend and getting caught by her H. I had a FWB and we had rules about texting and I didn't text when I knew he was at home, unless he texted me. ( I am listed as a male in his phone, hiding in plain sight he is listed in my phone as a FaceB friend with a female name an nothing sexual is texted, pretty mundane, like are you working and I use his last name like a male would do) We are not out to hurt our spouses, even though I told my H I would be stepping out for sex. If you do any flirting do it right then and there. Make your wife jealous? Who cares? Maybe next time take her to go get something from the store and just flirt because damnit, it feels good to be human!!
My husband also knows I am a flirt although I don't flirt as much as I used to .
Post by ironhamster on Sept 5, 2021 0:07:47 GMT -5
Oops. I had to reread that. I misread that.
I'd also advise not texting your wife's friend. That is interesting behavior, though. It should get you thinking, and questioning, where you are, now, in your marriage, and how to get to where you want to be.
I wonder what was going on there, though.
At the point where I had realized the irreparable situation I was in with my wife, I confided in a mutual friend and shared some text messages with her confirming my wife's refusals. Keep in mind, though, that she was single and not married like the woman in your situation. Our mutual friend was shocked, and made a comment about dragging me into the bedroom before coming to her senses and distancing herself. I really don't think women want to be put in the "homewrecker" category. I see that as an unfair label, but it is what it is.
oh wow. thanks for the responses. I was typing in my drunken stupor. Just woke up with a banging headache 😂
yeah, no - I won’t be texting my friends wife. too close, too dangerous!!!
but, all the same - even just a bit of attention felt, well, wonderfully exciting.
back to reality. oh 🙁
Reality has this component called freedom of choice. You will return to the reality you now know until you make the choice to change it. Odds are, your refusing wife is very comfortable in her reality, and so comfortable that your discomfort doesn't seem to be an issue for her. That means, it is your turn to try something different.
Post by ironhamster on Sept 5, 2021 3:37:23 GMT -5
...and, oh, yes. The attention you received was wonderfully exciting, indeed. At minimum, you have a fantasy to dream about, now. Hopefully, it gets your curiosity up about how to improve your situation.
Post by worksforme2 on Sept 5, 2021 11:15:42 GMT -5
Welcome dug,.....I would not be texting this woman. If her H ever suspected her of something texting could constitute a written trail for him to follow should she get careless and leave her phone laying around. But if you wanted to see if there is any real interest on her part, then I would agree with jerri. Flirt openly with her when next you are in her company, but not overtly sexual. Just dance around the edge of their being a potential for more if she wishes. That puts the ball in her court. I had the good fortune to experience several sexual relationships with the wives of male friends that I went to school with. Flirting with them eventually led to them initiating the sex. If a woman is interested in a physical relationship she will be pretty straight forward in her approach to you. Flirt but let her make the 1st real move toward something more. But only proceed down this path if you are prepared for everything to be blown to smithereens should either of your spouses learn of it.
Yeah. I’m taking it easy. Cold light of day and all that. Interesting comments thanks.
Got some of my own.
Switch it. Suppose she was propositioning you and you decide to open your marriage (secretly or with full disclosure). Not texting your friend could be taken for rejection. Is that the message you're meaning to send?
Drunken couples parties are good cover for open couples. Not impossible your friends are already polyamorous and they were "feeling you out".
If'n it were me, I'd be keeping that phone number warm as a second girlfriend to check in with. The first number being a third woman, in order to test the waters of opening up your marriage without risking a good friendship. It's one thing if your friend corrupts a loyal husband, it's a smaller sin to be the second "hussy". If you get to the point where Mrs. Dug tacitly condones your stepping out, she may be accepting of your friend as preferable to an 'unknown quantity'. Sneaking around with the friend would be impossible to hide if full disclosure polygamy/polyamory isn't your plan.
Jerri's FWB was also in a sexless marriage. They both solved each other's problem. What if this friend is in an SM too? You're not doing favors staying away.
If you read around this site, Baza normally directs people to get a free counseling from a lawyer to see how divorce would end up for you. He didn't this time, so I'll add it in here. Even if that's unthinkable at the moment, the trip to the legal beagle before pursuing "outsourcing" is wise, even if you never wish it to happen. Refuser spouses not uncommonly insist on leaving spouses they can't control at the very core.
desertfather: I just felt lonely lately. Wanted to talk to someone.
Apr 5, 2022 8:29:18 GMT -5
mirrororchid: I mention a few online chat rooms a few posts up, desertfather. Meetup.com provides real live people to chat with. Given your ILIASM situation, a lot of folks locate a therapist. (helpful for touchy subjects you can't go over with friends for over a year.
Apr 6, 2022 4:50:03 GMT -5
worksforme2: Happy Birthday bballgirl, where ever you are.......
Jul 26, 2022 3:43:06 GMT -5
northstarmom: Thanks for the birthday wishes, worksforme2!
Jul 27, 2022 21:23:48 GMT -5
onempty: Dry Creek, you are absolutely spot on with all this advice. Separate bank accounts a good idea IMO but might be harder to achieve and could cause other problems if there is a huge disparity in income.
Jul 28, 2022 13:03:11 GMT -5
worksforme2: Happy Birthday GreekGoddess.....
Aug 4, 2022 5:56:47 GMT -5