When You Say "text her" I am guessing you mean the friend. it is unclear because you used the word she when you also described "she" as your wife.
I don't shag anyone in my close circle that hangs out or would possibly hurt my H. MY rule is not yours and I support whatever you do. Your wifey cheated you out of sex and I would not place any blame if you found a FWB. You have every right to tell her once that you will be getting sex elsewhere and then follow through.
reason number two --You said you had a fair amount to drink. Inhibitions run very low and to text when sober.<---yikes. Just not a good idea and you risk losing a friend and getting caught by her H. I had a FWB and we had rules about texting and I didn't text when I knew he was at home, unless he texted me. ( I am listed as a male in his phone, hiding in plain sight he is listed in my phone as a FaceB friend with a female name an nothing sexual is texted, pretty mundane, like are you working and I use his last name like a male would do) We are not out to hurt our spouses, even though I told my H I would be stepping out for sex. If you do any flirting do it right then and there. Make your wife jealous? Who cares? Maybe next time take her to go get something from the store and just flirt because damnit, it feels good to be human!!
My husband also knows I am a flirt although I don't flirt as much as I used to .
Post by ironhamster on Sept 5, 2021 0:07:47 GMT -5
Oops. I had to reread that. I misread that.
I'd also advise not texting your wife's friend. That is interesting behavior, though. It should get you thinking, and questioning, where you are, now, in your marriage, and how to get to where you want to be.
I wonder what was going on there, though.
At the point where I had realized the irreparable situation I was in with my wife, I confided in a mutual friend and shared some text messages with her confirming my wife's refusals. Keep in mind, though, that she was single and not married like the woman in your situation. Our mutual friend was shocked, and made a comment about dragging me into the bedroom before coming to her senses and distancing herself. I really don't think women want to be put in the "homewrecker" category. I see that as an unfair label, but it is what it is.
oh wow. thanks for the responses. I was typing in my drunken stupor. Just woke up with a banging headache 😂
yeah, no - I won’t be texting my friends wife. too close, too dangerous!!!
but, all the same - even just a bit of attention felt, well, wonderfully exciting.
back to reality. oh 🙁
Reality has this component called freedom of choice. You will return to the reality you now know until you make the choice to change it. Odds are, your refusing wife is very comfortable in her reality, and so comfortable that your discomfort doesn't seem to be an issue for her. That means, it is your turn to try something different.
Post by ironhamster on Sept 5, 2021 3:37:23 GMT -5
...and, oh, yes. The attention you received was wonderfully exciting, indeed. At minimum, you have a fantasy to dream about, now. Hopefully, it gets your curiosity up about how to improve your situation.
I remember it like it was yesterday. 2018. On a Sunday. Brunch with the wife, kids and in-laws. Where the rich folks of Williamson County go for she-crab bisque, prime rib and a chocolate fountain. I was sharply dressed, coming down the stairs, alone, when this cute young server hands me a classic pickup line.
Up to this point in life, I would “hide my eyes” from attractive women(with one memorable exception in 2011), living in fear of “impure thoughts” or whatever in the hell demon I was bound by back then. My awkward ass did not provide any coherent response and went back to the table, flattered and wondering for the rest of the day why I didn’t flirt back…
Well that little prime rib mama flagged my train, but W had done tied me to her side.
Thus began a casual exploration into the art of flirting, which is highly researchsble on YouTube. 😉
Several experiments, way over town, with baristas, servers, cashiers, and sales reps later I started noticing a shift in my overall personality. To the point an old grade school friend made a public observation: “Who would’ve believed the guy we used to call ‘Eeyore’ would turn out to be CHARISMATIC??”
I left that Sm over a year ago, having been party to zero instances of infidelity in the physical sense. Yet I left with some idea of how to attract the curiosity and smiles and laughter of women. And some idea of how pursue MY OWN happiness again.
I would additionally observe that the thrill of the flirt — of the chase — still exceeds the thrill of the mind-blowing sex I had last evening.
So, the moral of the story is: If you need a change of pace without the risk, you can always go way over town…
“I gotta woman way over town that’s good to me.” -Ray Charles
Post by worksforme2 on Sept 5, 2021 11:15:42 GMT -5
Welcome dug,.....I would not be texting this woman. If her H ever suspected her of something texting could constitute a written trail for him to follow should she get careless and leave her phone laying around. But if you wanted to see if there is any real interest on her part, then I would agree with jerri. Flirt openly with her when next you are in her company, but not overtly sexual. Just dance around the edge of their being a potential for more if she wishes. That puts the ball in her court. I had the good fortune to experience several sexual relationships with the wives of male friends that I went to school with. Flirting with them eventually led to them initiating the sex. If a woman is interested in a physical relationship she will be pretty straight forward in her approach to you. Flirt but let her make the 1st real move toward something more. But only proceed down this path if you are prepared for everything to be blown to smithereens should either of your spouses learn of it.
Yeah. I’m taking it easy. Cold light of day and all that. Interesting comments thanks.
Got some of my own.
Switch it. Suppose she was propositioning you and you decide to open your marriage (secretly or with full disclosure). Not texting your friend could be taken for rejection. Is that the message you're meaning to send?
Drunken couples parties are good cover for open couples. Not impossible your friends are already polyamorous and they were "feeling you out".
If'n it were me, I'd be keeping that phone number warm as a second girlfriend to check in with. The first number being a third woman, in order to test the waters of opening up your marriage without risking a good friendship. It's one thing if your friend corrupts a loyal husband, it's a smaller sin to be the second "hussy". If you get to the point where Mrs. Dug tacitly condones your stepping out, she may be accepting of your friend as preferable to an 'unknown quantity'. Sneaking around with the friend would be impossible to hide if full disclosure polygamy/polyamory isn't your plan.
Jerri's FWB was also in a sexless marriage. They both solved each other's problem. What if this friend is in an SM too? You're not doing favors staying away.
If you read around this site, Baza normally directs people to get a free counseling from a lawyer to see how divorce would end up for you. He didn't this time, so I'll add it in here. Even if that's unthinkable at the moment, the trip to the legal beagle before pursuing "outsourcing" is wise, even if you never wish it to happen. Refuser spouses not uncommonly insist on leaving spouses they can't control at the very core.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
mirrororchid: Hi Lanie, ILIASM ate my welcome from a few days back. Glad you found us.
Sept 15, 2021 18:57:29 GMT -5
worksforme2: My apologies to you baz and your fellow Australians for sleepy Joe forgetting PM Morrisons name...he forgets names on a pretty regular basis. Ask Scott not to take it personal...
Sept 16, 2021 11:42:16 GMT -5
baza: Scott is eminently forgettable so don't worry. Jimmy Carter did the same thing in the 70's with our PM of the time, Fraser.
Sept 17, 2021 18:29:58 GMT -5
worksforme2: One more thing baz...for the immediate future be careful around anyone with a French accent....the frogs are a little miffed at the moment
Sept 18, 2021 15:16:14 GMT -5
worksforme2: Hey lessingham.....how is your relationship with that nephew these days?
Sept 19, 2021 11:32:27 GMT -5
worksforme2: I made an appointment to get my booster shot for Covid19. I had to answer all kinds of security questions. Never thought that an imposter might show up and try to get my shot.
Oct 5, 2021 10:01:50 GMT -5
worksforme2: UPDATE: Booster shot try failed...The booster was a Pfizer. My 1st shots were Moderna, so they would not give me the Pfizer booster. Looks like I'll be waiting for a while.
Oct 8, 2021 5:28:32 GMT -5
worksforme2: WOW h, ...you gave my post in Because we all need a laugh the like response 24 times....that must be a record
Oct 12, 2021 19:53:20 GMT -5
jerri: worksforme2 member h Probably has some sort of trojan horse on his phone/computer and it is acting up. I know when mine needs to at least be restarted because I will send the same text multiple times when I only sent one.
Oct 13, 2021 2:02:48 GMT -5
worksforme2: Trojan horse you say...I thought the Greeks chopped that thing up for firewood after they conquered Troy....looks like maybe someone repurposed it....
Oct 13, 2021 8:17:19 GMT -5
worksforme2: Happy Birthday greatcoastal......
Oct 14, 2021 3:51:08 GMT -5
greatcoastal: Thanks worksforme2! I've got the day off, and will be with my woman this evening!
Oct 14, 2021 6:12:35 GMT -5