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Post by nuttymontgomery on Jul 24, 2021 18:03:16 GMT -5
I've been married for 34 years & have been going through the sexless marriage heartache for several years now. We went to a sexual reawakening weekend retreat a couple of years ago & things got a good bit better. But somehow we are back to how it was before.. void of intimacy.
I went for my yearly checkup this week & when the doctor asked me how often my husband & I have sex, I looked at her & quickly replied 'about a year'..as though it were normal.. when she paused & was somewhat without anything to say, I suddenly broke-down in tears at the realization that my attempt to normalize it had failed.
I have a wonderful husband, in every 'other' way. He has problems with erections because of his many medications. I've been coping (or trying to) by working a lot & taking online classes... anything to keep myself busy.
Of course, those of you here can relate to this, I'm sure.
Thanks for letting me vent.
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Post by baza on Jul 24, 2021 20:31:12 GMT -5
Welcome to the zoo Sister nuttymontgomery . Hope you get some value out of the group. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 24, 2021 21:35:24 GMT -5
This type of situation is probably the hardest to address for this forum. Spouses who are seemingly uninterested in intimacy are not doing so for the usual reasons found here. One cannot fault a SM that is brought on by medical conditions or medications taken to treat the illness. You are dealing with a difficult situation.
You will read here about others who have spouses with various physical and mental conditions that result in a SM and how they cope. I hope in your reading you find some help or value here.
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Post by mirrororchid on Jul 30, 2021 6:38:31 GMT -5
This type of situation is probably the hardest to address for this forum. Spouses who are seemingly uninterested in intimacy are not doing so for the usual reasons found here. One cannot fault a SM that is brought on by medical conditions or medications taken to treat the illness. You are dealing with a difficult situation. You will read here about others who have spouses with various physical and mental conditions that result in a SM and how they cope. I hope in your reading you find some help or value here. True, but the two aren't exclusive and some (pointless?) blame may be applicable. Erections are not teh only way to provide intimate contact. He may have other hangups, may be oblivious to teh need, or aware but indifferent. The same issues some ILIASM members have with their refusers who are not on medication. This is teh choosing to stay forum where we don't talk about teh d-word, but is outsourcing within boundaries? The name isn't familiar, nuttymontgomery. Perhaps you've seen jerri 's SM story/answer? |
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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 30, 2021 8:35:59 GMT -5
This type of situation is probably the hardest to address for this forum. Spouses who are seemingly uninterested in intimacy are not doing so for the usual reasons found here. One cannot fault a SM that is brought on by medical conditions or medications taken to treat the illness. You are dealing with a difficult situation. You will read here about others who have spouses with various physical and mental conditions that result in a SM and how they cope. I hope in your reading you find some help or value here. True, but the two aren't exclusive and some (pointless?) blame may be applicable. Erections are not teh only way to provide intimate contact. He may have other hangups, may be oblivious to teh need, or aware but indifferent. The same issues some ILIASM members have with their refusers who are not on medication. This is teh choosing to stay forum where we don't talk about teh d-word, but is outsourcing within boundaries? The name isn't familiar, nuttymontgomery. Perhaps you've seen jerri 's SM story/answer? \nuttymontgomery was not specific about the exact medications and what they were for. The medications may have been related to specific physical illness or for something else, such as a mental condition like depression. Without specifics I made my comments along a general path of comment. Is blame applicable? Without specific information I would be extremely hesitant in assigning blame. And just like why chasing in a SM, one is p*ssing into the wind speculating what his real illness, condition or hang ups might be. nuttymongomerry gave me the impression her post was much about venting her feelings, frustrations and sadness in the marriage and seemed to me to be just hoping for some empathy, rather than a search for advice.. I hope my response provided a bit of that to her. |
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Post by baza on Jul 30, 2021 22:37:30 GMT -5
This is NOT a cheap shot at Sister nuttymontgomery , rather it is an observation made from some years observation (on the old EP group and this ILIASM group) Fact is, that 8 out of 10 new posters are never heard of again after their initial post. Of the 2 out of 10 that remain involved in the group, 1 of them drops off after a few months and are also never heard of again. There's only 1 in 10 that hang around for extended periods. If Sister nuttymontgomery is 'typical' of new posters, then this posting of hers will be her one and only. I hope we do hear more from Sister nuttymontgomery - and other new members - but the chances are that we won't. |
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Post by Handy on Jul 31, 2021 2:33:56 GMT -5
I check out new names and lately I have noticed several new people registering but mostly no posts by the new people.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 31, 2021 9:36:36 GMT -5
I check out new names and lately I have noticed several new people registering but mostly no posts by the new people. I have had several occasions to scroll thru the members pages. One thing I noted was just how many of the people there have never posted. And how many joined the forum, never to visit the site again. It seems 2016 and 2017 could easily be referred to here as the year(s) of the joiners. |
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Post by Handy on Jul 31, 2021 11:02:40 GMT -5
The first forum I looked at, I didn't register or post for over a month or two. I just read the entries thinking that I had no right to air our marriage issues. It was almost like tattling on a best friend and being disloyal.
I found some book titles about personality types and only after reading the whole book did I decide to tell my story. I still felt disloyal but I also recognized that even good people can be miss-matched in a relationship. That took the some of the mental self imposed disloyal pressure off of me.
I suppose some one time or infrequent people that register have similar issues but I can also imagine there are maybe hundreds of reasons people do not post about their life and feelings.
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Post by isthisit on Jul 31, 2021 15:12:21 GMT -5
I too get frustrated by this, but equally I remember the sheer psychological weight of the realisation that actually the sexless aspect of my marriage was the least of my problems. The whole thing was throughly knackered, which I had somehow overlooked. I lurked with interest seeking a ‘fix’ and came away with an awful lot more to think about. That news was burdensome and hard to come to terms with, so I understand why some folks cannot face coming back.
Also, I wonder if some lurkers create an account simply to read the none public parts of the forum to gain access to more stories. I did that, my curiosity got the better of me, but I never intended to participate.
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Post by Handy on Jul 31, 2021 20:11:16 GMT -5
Isthisit
I wonder if some lurkers create an account simply to read the none public parts of the forum to gain access to more stories.I am guessing some people that sign up but never or rarely post have similar issues. I am also guessing some people read some of the posts and think "what a bunch of screwed up people." I have read other forums, from a forum that "anything can be fixed" to "you should have divorced a long time ago."
My point is there are about as many reasons as there are posters and readers. There are too many reasons to list.
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Post by catlover on Jul 31, 2021 21:02:52 GMT -5
This is NOT a cheap shot at Sister nuttymontgomery , rather it is an observation made from some years observation (on the old EP group and this ILIASM group) Fact is, that 8 out of 10 new posters are never heard of again after their initial post. Of the 2 out of 10 that remain involved in the group, 1 of them drops off after a few months and are also never heard of again. There's only 1 in 10 that hang around for extended periods. If Sister nuttymontgomery is 'typical' of new posters, then this posting of hers will be her one and only. I hope we do hear more from Sister nuttymontgomery - and other new members - but the chances are that we won't. Hey, I’m one of the 1 in 10 group 😃 |
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Post by jerri on Aug 1, 2021 2:18:54 GMT -5
Looks like you were right. We will see if she returns.
I often check if a newcomer has been online and I just won't post if they haven't.
Readers come visit us!😃
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Post by baza on Aug 1, 2021 4:23:34 GMT -5
On a related matter, you might be interested to see that in the whole month of July 2021, a paltry 14 new people joined the group.
Only 3 of this 14 have posted something
And 11 of them have posted nothing.
So, whereas new members do not tend to post much - if anything - there is the added fact that new members are becoming an endangered species.
There were 1,762 members of this group at the end of June 2021
New members in July - 14
Increase for the month is 00.79%
The site is in decline, probably terminal decline.
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Post by jerri on Aug 1, 2021 23:30:47 GMT -5
Wow, thanks for the info. I try to keep it alive and it only takes a few members to enjoy each other.  |
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