jealous if your spouse found another?
Apr 4, 2021 1:47:56 GMT -5
itme, mirrororchid, and 2 more like this
Post by lwoetin on Apr 4, 2021 1:47:56 GMT -5
So as to not hijack another's thread link even more, let me shift here to continue topic about asexuality.org with mirrororchid and others....
Great to hear the progress that you and w are making. She is making an effort and she is enjoying it. And you are Pretty Pleased.
I am one of the few who want to grow to adore their spouse. I'm still waiting for the reset. haha. She is taking the asexual choice #1: Stay and figure out how to be acceptably physical. And hoping I become an asexual like her. I'm hoping for the opposite cause it is not acceptably physical at this time.
I don't feel the need for a rescue line. Perhaps because the fall won't be fatal? But I don't want to fall either cause it will hurt terribly.
Maybe it's not fatal because I don't think I will be jealous if she finds another more suitable.
Apocrypha mentioned "a celibate partner's demand of monogamy would be more aptly described as a demand for celibacy, if they want to get real about it. So, it's down to "Have a different sexual partner" (in or out of the marriage) or "Let's be celibate forever." " which describes my dearest asexual. OK, neither choice is appealing so it needs to change to include another option. I'm not looking to check out. I'm married to my soulmate, a wonderful woman, and life is good but I can't eat my cake(?).
Apr 1, 2021 6:52:30 GMT -4 mirrororchid said:
My profile explains my SM is in remission. (no official definition....we should come up with one.)
Pretty sure she likes what I do. She's highly engaged when she's pleasing me. I would like the frequency up a notch, but I might make it to the finish line if nothing changed. (Medical problems make progress a special challenge.)
Stories I've read here make re-engagement by the refused spouse difficult due to fear of a return to deprivation (failed reset), poor effort by the refuser (starfish, or only slightly better), or resentment that the starvation went for so damn long when they key was apparently within reach, but wasn't used.
Some refused partners decide to stay on the splitting trajectory. Their refusing partner having become someone they see as having been outright hostile to them and therefore unsuitable to love.
A few want to reverse the resentment and grow to adore their spouse. This is a risky path full of fear and I've not heard the outcome of efforts of this type. We surely hear of failed resets. This may be a result of passion returning and refusers seeing the gestures of love as an "all clear" sign and a chance to resume the celibacy the want more than their partner's affection.
I compartmentalize like its my superpower, so were I in that situation and to decide to take that route, a small part of me would hold aside a mental "panic room" where my cynical self could hide and most of me could relish the bliss of being one with one's betrothed, with a rescue line attached to me if the little guy in the panic room feels the line go limp. I'm not brave enough (foolish enough?) to give my entire soul to my wife again. Look at my wedding picture to find the guy who believed in "Happily Ever After". What we got now is "Pretty Pleased at the Moment".
My profile explains my SM is in remission. (no official definition....we should come up with one.)
Pretty sure she likes what I do. She's highly engaged when she's pleasing me. I would like the frequency up a notch, but I might make it to the finish line if nothing changed. (Medical problems make progress a special challenge.)
Stories I've read here make re-engagement by the refused spouse difficult due to fear of a return to deprivation (failed reset), poor effort by the refuser (starfish, or only slightly better), or resentment that the starvation went for so damn long when they key was apparently within reach, but wasn't used.
Some refused partners decide to stay on the splitting trajectory. Their refusing partner having become someone they see as having been outright hostile to them and therefore unsuitable to love.
A few want to reverse the resentment and grow to adore their spouse. This is a risky path full of fear and I've not heard the outcome of efforts of this type. We surely hear of failed resets. This may be a result of passion returning and refusers seeing the gestures of love as an "all clear" sign and a chance to resume the celibacy the want more than their partner's affection.
I compartmentalize like its my superpower, so were I in that situation and to decide to take that route, a small part of me would hold aside a mental "panic room" where my cynical self could hide and most of me could relish the bliss of being one with one's betrothed, with a rescue line attached to me if the little guy in the panic room feels the line go limp. I'm not brave enough (foolish enough?) to give my entire soul to my wife again. Look at my wedding picture to find the guy who believed in "Happily Ever After". What we got now is "Pretty Pleased at the Moment".
I am one of the few who want to grow to adore their spouse. I'm still waiting for the reset. haha. She is taking the asexual choice #1: Stay and figure out how to be acceptably physical. And hoping I become an asexual like her. I'm hoping for the opposite cause it is not acceptably physical at this time.
I don't feel the need for a rescue line. Perhaps because the fall won't be fatal? But I don't want to fall either cause it will hurt terribly.
Maybe it's not fatal because I don't think I will be jealous if she finds another more suitable.
Apocrypha mentioned "a celibate partner's demand of monogamy would be more aptly described as a demand for celibacy, if they want to get real about it. So, it's down to "Have a different sexual partner" (in or out of the marriage) or "Let's be celibate forever." " which describes my dearest asexual. OK, neither choice is appealing so it needs to change to include another option. I'm not looking to check out. I'm married to my soulmate, a wonderful woman, and life is good but I can't eat my cake(?).
