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Post by isthisit on Mar 29, 2021 2:05:09 GMT -5
My sympathies, depression is a miserable thing to live with and removes the colour from one’s life. Just grim. About your question, my view is that each element of sexlessness (and the emotional disconnection that goes along with it) and low mood can begin to influence the other towards a self fulfilling prophecy of hopelessness and low resilience. Unfortunately the lower down that spiral you go, the less equipped you become to get out of the SM, and before you know it decades have slipped by and you’re wondering when your life is going to start. The good news is depression can be effectively treated with SSRI’s and counselling. But, you have to want to do it. When you are at the bottom of that spiral it can feel impossible and not worth the risk of trying. Enormous reserves of resilience are needed here which not everyone can find without support. It is also worth mentioning that there are lots of people mightily cheesed off with their SM who are not clinically depressed, so maybe look a little wider for a full inventory of your individual situation. For deadzone75 only: if you didn’t want to go the meds and counselling route you could try the Costa Rica/ isthisit / sadkat / sandwich filling treatment option. Just to rule out the SM aspect of your ill health. An experiment. For science. I came to revisit the cream filling. I mean the sandwich filling. The SFT option. Just (partially) kidding. You mentioned wondering when life is going to start. I know it's a glass-half-empty view, but I don't wait for my life to start, but to end. That's not as ominous as it sounds. I only mean that ship has sailed away with my better days, and now I am left to wonder when it will end, and what I might be able to salvage before it ends. How much shit that I have always wanted to do can be crammed into the final act? Now is mayonnaise bad for the skin, because I'm going to be slathered in it. My dear deadzone75 your acceptance of your reality is pretty bleak, and it worried me. I am afraid that I have a different view. It is not inevitable that the rest of your life looks like today. You are fairly young I think, with another lifetime to live and with plenty of time to fit in all the shit you have always wanted to do. But that isn’t going to come in the post. Getting there will involve some tricky choices and probably challenging times in the short term for the long term gain. Possibly aggressively going at the MH issues you mentioned with the associated bumps and bruises down that path. Possibly some testing emotional times examining how resusc-able your marriage is and making changes if it is DNR. Certainly financial challenges associated with the above. Do you have anyone who can support you during such a tricky journey? That has to make it a little easier. I guess you have to keep your eyes on the prize. Which is living your life, not the life someone else wants you to lead. It’s all doable but you have to want it enough. If you don’t and there’s nothing wrong with that, stick in life rather than twist. |
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Post by mirrororchid on Mar 30, 2021 6:03:42 GMT -5
The good news is depression can be effectively treated with SSRI’s and counselling. A useful phrase for neurotypicals is: "Clinical depression is being sad for no reason." (anger and exhaustion are common extra experiences) SM sufferers most definitely have reasons for being sad. I dare say taking antidepressants without solving existing, tangible issues is a grave mistake. You're asking medicine to do too heavy a list, largely asking your brain to deny reality. That's not what they're for. For clinically depressed folks (they can surely be in SMs too, but very often on the refuser side), SSRIs are one of your less effective anti-depressants. Enough for some lucky few. (placebo effect is a thing, so the efficacy of some SSRIs is judged higher than they deserve credit for) * Some psychiatrists will prescribe three or four SSRIs in a row because they have fewer side effects. Other clinically depressed folks may improve with tri- or tetra-cyclic antidepressants, lithium, MAO inhibitors, SNRIs, Bupropion, psychedelics, or any number of physical interventions. This is a partial list largely listing antidepressant classes. My daughter saw too many doctors who were giving her largely the same medicine over and over and we didn't know any better than to repeatedly expect failure. I had to do a deep dive into the realm of psychiatry and...it's a shit show. All these drugs get substantially enhanced with talk therapy no insurance wants to pay for. (esp. DBT, CBT) (Talk ain't cheap, despite what you may have heard.) I bring all this up due to my older daughter's 15 round slugfest with treatment resistant depression. Clinical depression is the one disease that stops you from trying to get better. It's effing evil and if someone out there has a loved one who is depressed, kindly understand it's one of the worst possible things to happen to a person. Imagine having the flu, and never getting better. You don't just "snap out of" the flu. You can't explain why getting up and taking charge of your life is impossible. It just is. Get back to me on the sandwich therapy, so I can add it to the list.
*EDIT:
Calling myself out. Found the documentation I had in mind and my memory served me poorly. iliasm.org/thread/5887/efficacy-antidepressants-placeboParoxetine, for example, is classified as an SSRI and ranked well in efficacy. I need to retract my incorrect claim. Be nice. Humility is hard for me. |
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Post by catlover on Mar 30, 2021 7:33:08 GMT -5
Speaking as someone who has longstanding treatment-resistant depression, I can say without fear of contradiction that it truly a horrible illness. In my case, not as horrible as the wife's slowly progressing terminal illness, but can also be life-threatening (in fact it is, I have attempted suicide a few times. Not in recent years though, with the help of (mostly) 'shock' therapy. )
In my case, I will start a new antidepressant, it will seem to have an effect at first and then just peters out (my psychiatrist says there is a medical term called "poop-out")
It has basically destroyed my career and robbed my life of a lot, and, combined with the wife's illness is debilitating at times. There is a new treatment which I am hoping to go on pretty soon using Ketamine in, obviously, very carefully monitored treatment. I have high hopes for this, but I am also fearful that the effects will just peter out as other meds have done.
What relevance does this have you may ask? Quite simply, I think until I have my own shit sorted out I have zero chance of resurrecting anything in the marriage.
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Post by isthisit on Mar 30, 2021 10:35:41 GMT -5
I think only qualified and registered health professionals should be commenting on the efficacy and appropriateness of treatment options. Caution is required where this is not the case.
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Post by isthisit on Mar 30, 2021 10:37:22 GMT -5
Speaking as someone who has longstanding treatment-resistant depression, I can say without fear of contradiction that it truly a horrible illness. In my case, not as horrible as the wife's slowly progressing terminal illness, but can also be life-threatening (in fact it is, I have attempted suicide a few times. Not in recent years though, with the help of (mostly) 'shock' therapy. ) In my case, I will start a new antidepressant, it will seem to have an effect at first and then just peters out (my psychiatrist says there is a medical term called "poop-out") It has basically destroyed my career and robbed my life of a lot, and, combined with the wife's illness is debilitating at times. There is a new treatment which I am hoping to go on pretty soon using Ketamine in, obviously, very carefully monitored treatment. I have high hopes for this, but I am also fearful that the effects will just peter out as other meds have done. What relevance does this have you may ask? Quite simply, I think until I have my own shit sorted out I have zero chance of resurrecting anything in the marriage. Good luck with your emerging treatment option. I hope it is effective for you. |
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Post by saarinista on Mar 30, 2021 11:35:57 GMT -5
I did a lot of amateur research (reading, not experimentation) on ketamine a while back and almost got into a clinical trial for it. In the end I did not. My take: it's a promising new direction for psychopharmacology. Of course I'm not a health care professional, but I've read a lot. catlover I hope it works for you if you try it. If you've done ect and that hasn't helped, you might be a candidate for it. I'm not sure less depression can resurrect a dead marriage but who knows? At a bare minimum, it might give you enough optimism to find a new relationship. |
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Post by mirrororchid on Mar 30, 2021 20:22:14 GMT -5
I think only qualified and registered health professionals should be commenting on the efficacy and appropriateness of treatment options. Caution is required where this is not the case. I think efficacy of treatment options should be determined by peer-reviewed research, not professionals that may or may not be up to date. Where the two agree, all the better. Perhaps worthy of its own thread on the "Off-Topic" board. Curious that catlover found results from ElectroConvulsiveTherapy (ECT) and is now planning to try ketamine. A common anesthetic for ECT? Ketamine. Ketamine has only recently been FDA approved for major depressive disorder. So an antidepressant was being given before ECT and yet ketamine alone was not an approved treatment. Failure to isolate variables is basic violation of scientific method. A key example of the shit show that is (was?) the field of psychiatry. I happily have seen improvement in the field in the last decade. |
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Post by isthisit on Mar 30, 2021 20:26:58 GMT -5
I think only qualified and registered health professionals should be commenting on the efficacy and appropriateness of treatment options. Caution is required where this is not the case. I think efficacy of treatment options should be determined by peer-reviewed research, not professionals that may or may not be up to date. Where the two agree, all the better. Perhaps worthy of its own thread on teh "Off-Topic" board, Professionals only use peer reviewed research. I was referring to uninformed members of the public producing misinformation which can be harmful in ways that cannot be known. |
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Post by catlover on Mar 31, 2021 7:52:36 GMT -5
I hope nobody thought I was trying to give medical advice, I have been merely referring to my own experience and (lack of) results. At this time I feel like all other options have been exhausted as far as depression treatment goes (translated - I will try anything). Anybody tried happy mushrooms?
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Post by isthisit on Mar 31, 2021 11:46:56 GMT -5
I hope nobody thought I was trying to give medical advice, I have been merely referring to my own experience and (lack of) results. At this time I feel like all other options have been exhausted as far as depression treatment goes (translated - I will try anything). Anybody tried happy mushrooms? Not at all, you made it very clear that you were simply telling your story, which is why we are all here. Depression is miserable. Hang in there. ❤️ |
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Post by saarinista on Mar 31, 2021 20:19:06 GMT -5
I hope nobody thought I was trying to give medical advice, I have been merely referring to my own experience and (lack of) results. At this time I feel like all other options have been exhausted as far as depression treatment goes (translated - I will try anything). Anybody tried happy mushrooms? I'm sorry, I can't recall but have you tried psychotherapy? Talk therapy? |
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Post by catlover on Apr 1, 2021 13:28:16 GMT -5
I hope nobody thought I was trying to give medical advice, I have been merely referring to my own experience and (lack of) results. At this time I feel like all other options have been exhausted as far as depression treatment goes (translated - I will try anything). Anybody tried happy mushrooms? I'm sorry, I can't recall but have you tried psychotherapy? Talk Yup, tried all that (exhaustively). DBT, CBT. therapy?. You get to a point where you start thinking, “maybe I am just a useless, grumpy, lazy bastard” |
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Post by saarinista on Apr 1, 2021 16:03:33 GMT -5
catlover That's the depression talking. Plus, if you feel like crap from depression, you're going to get feeling crappier and crappier, in my experience. Being sexually refused doesn't make us feel and better, usually. Please keep trying.
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Post by tiredoftears on Apr 1, 2021 20:36:10 GMT -5
They won't give the covid vaccine to kids under 16 until they have done some trials. Pfizer just started a trial on children 2 days ago. You will have to depend on herd immunity at some point? or not. Don't need to answer. We just brainstorm and take what you like and leave the rest. Best to make sure you do everything to check then strengthen immunity and protect yourself and your child. I would think you would have some idea of your child's immunity based on previous years. It is an easy study. I liked Worksforyou2's comments/suggestions, if not for you, for someone else. The average weight gain in USA was 20-30lbs. You are not alone. I also gained weight I need to dump. One of our UK members is awesome at weight loss. This difference is I gained 40 pounds from December to now. That's A LOT for three months. I'm going to start smoking weed. See if that helps lower my stress. |
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Post by tiredoftears on Apr 1, 2021 20:36:53 GMT -5
From CNN Health www.cnn.com/2021/03/24/health/weight-gain-during-covid-wellness/index.html"On average, people gained about 0.6 pounds every 10 days or 1.8 pounds per month during shelter in place (Feb to June 2020) orders," said cardiologist Dr. Gregory Marcus, one of the authors of the research and a professor of medicine at The University of California, San Francisco I gained forty from December till now. Three months. |
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