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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 4, 2021 15:58:41 GMT -5
Maybe the best thing for your daughter is "outside" help? Another mother figure that can "redirect" her thinking about herself and her mother. And possibly an older man who could redirect her in realizing what a sane, unselfish father would have been like? ( it doesn't sound like the gov't. is much help)
As you say, " "she can't feel her inner conflict". Ending the conflict would be great. Maybe when she is 21? Then comes getting the help she needs. Facing her fears and inner conflict- who knows how long that will take? (I wonder the same thing for my own daughter and children)
It's really sad the way an ex manipulates the children, relatives, friends,employers,etc...against you. Continue to be thankful that YOU are not like them! And never will stoop to such a level of cowardice,and hate. They are the ones with "DEEP problems" We will not spend our time thinking about them ( that's exactly what a manipulator wants us to do) instead we rize above and find our own truth, respect and joy!
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Post by saarinista on Mar 4, 2021 16:43:44 GMT -5
tamara68 is there extreme religion or cultic stuff involved in your daughter's distancing, or is your ex just manipulating her for some other reason? I'm unclear from your past posts why she's hanging with him because he sounds like a total mess.
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 4, 2021 16:45:38 GMT -5
A few months ago my daughters bank card arrived at my address. My daughter has chosen not to communicate or live with me. I texted my ex, asking for her new address so I could mail it. (my ex has moved and given me zero info. about it) My ex responded "No. We will come by to pick it up Sat. Morn. What time is good for you?" I responded " please give me the address so I can mail it." No response from my ex. Instead , my ex and my daughter showed up on my front door Sat. Morning. I was gone. My thoughts where, if my daughter wants to visit her dad she is welcome any time. She knows where I live. She knows everything, my phone no. email, work schedule etc.. I am not going to force her to have to speak to me just so she can get something. It's rightfully hers. I also don't want her to be forced to 'pretend' she cares about me, by asking " how are you doing dad" when she comes to get her things like the last time. While her mother waits in the car. I would have said to my daughter" if you are truly concerned about my well being, you can contact me anytime. The only reason you are here is for yourself". Sigh... I know, I know... I can hear it " dad's just mad and angry". That's the manipulative spin my daughter has been spoon fed by her mother. I looked up my ex's voter registration. Got her new address, and mailed it to my daughter. I have read that the odds ( 60% and greater) are in my favor that kids do " come around- see the light" and relationships can be rebuilt. However.. there is also the sad reality that it may never happen, ( the other 40%) no matter what I do. I choose to press forward with myself. Not to steal your thunder tamara68 just sharing a similar story on a simpler level. |
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Post by tamara68 on Mar 4, 2021 17:49:12 GMT -5
tamara68 is there extreme religion or cultic stuff involved in your daughter's distancing, or is your ex just manipulating her for some other reason? I'm unclear from your past posts why she's hanging with him because he sounds like a total mess. My ex is insane. He had a lot of fears in the past and was especially afraid of all kind of risks. He wanted to keep uncontrollable things to a minimum, so he tried to control everything. Therefore everything had to be done in certain ways. He was very demanding. He didn't have a job, so I was the one who had to provide. That means that I was away from home for work and he was with my daughter the most. So naturally his influence on her was big. That influence was increased because he always brainwashed her with repeatedly stating that he knew how things should be done. He was right and mum was wrong. He also used my daughter to enforce his own opinions. That is called a pathological symbiotic relationship. That means that it is not her free choice to be with him, but her self is not allowed to develop. Similar happens in cults. My ex did reactivate his religious beliefs shortly before I left. But religion is not the main influence here. |
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Post by tamara68 on Mar 4, 2021 17:53:02 GMT -5
Maybe the best thing for your daughter is "outside" help? Another mother figure that can "redirect" her thinking about herself and her mother. And possibly an older man who could redirect her in realizing what a sane, unselfish father would have been like? ( it doesn't sound like the gov't. is much help) As you say, " "she can't feel her inner conflict". Ending the conflict would be great. Maybe when she is 21? Then comes getting the help she needs. Facing her fears and inner conflict- who knows how long that will take? (I wonder the same thing for my own daughter and children) It's really sad the way an ex manipulates the children, relatives, friends,employers,etc...against you. Continue to be thankful that YOU are not like them! And never will stoop to such a level of cowardice,and hate. They are the ones with "DEEP problems" We will not spend our time thinking about them ( that's exactly what a manipulator wants us to do) instead we rize above and find our own truth, respect and joy! Any contact with other, more 'normal' people would be great. A job or school would be a good opportunity, but it seems that she is more or less constantly at home with her dad. I asked the care workers if they couldn't arrange a sort of work or apprentice place somewhere and invite her to do that. She used to do some voluntary work in a library before they went back to the Netherlands. It is difficult for care workers to get any response from my ex and daughter at all. |
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