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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 18, 2021 10:43:56 GMT -5
melmagazine.com/en-us/story/reddit-horny-scale-sexFor many of us who know far too much about a SM, on the horny scale we were easily on a 5, while our partner remained on a 1! Instead of having a "horny scale" it's time for a "disappointment scale". What would you put on a "disappointment scale" ranking from 1 to 5? And are you ready and willing to present such a scale to yourself? ( forget trying to change your partner)
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 18, 2021 11:11:27 GMT -5
Here's my 2 cents:
1) Having decent sex ( both reach orgasm) then nothing the next day, and the next, etc... Your partner participated just to shut you up,and fed you a crumb.
2) Realizing, later, that it was just for procreation.
3) Your partner gives you starfish, are you done yet, sex.
4) The excuses. I have a headache, I'm exhausted, someone will hear us, etc....
5) Flat out refusal. Moving to a different room/bed. The wall of pillows. Coming out of the closet. Affairs with someone else.Admitting they are assexual, etc..
An example of a 1-5 disappointment SM scale.
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Post by Handy on Feb 18, 2021 11:53:37 GMT -5
3) Your partner gives you starfish, are you done yet, sex. 4) The excuses. I have a headache, I'm exhausted, someone will hear us, etc.... 5) Flat out refusal. Moving to a different room/bed.....
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Post by jerri on Feb 19, 2021 1:02:00 GMT -5
He gets a 5 on sex. Now he has ED and there are a lot of women who are sexless just because the man with ED won't do anything about it. So I have two challenges. He doesn't want me but doesn't want me to go out and shag a man. I recently asked if after the pandemic was over if I could just walk out the door and go on a date with another man. He scoffed. So I told him I would still be lying to him about what I am doing because I deserve a private sex life. He just clammed up. A far cry from his usual floundering mixed with anger. He mentioned divorcing. Inside I am petrified of divorce, but I know I could handle it. It would be really hard to trust someone financially, and how do I know if the guy would be kind in the long run? And to step up for sex/intimacy when so many go without sex. Fear would keep me stuck. Financially, I would need to go back into RE Sales to build back up my retirement. It would be hard and I am not the type to celebrate divorce.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2021 13:05:22 GMT -5
I'm permanently at 5. Sometimes it makes me long for the days of 1 through 4, especially 4 when I didn't know any better.
I have my own bedroom and enjoy that. I'm also grateful that the resentment (mostly) and longing (completely) are gone too.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2021 13:08:28 GMT -5
He gets a 5 on sex. Now he has ED and there are a lot of women who are sexless just because the man with ED won't do anything about it. So I have two challenges. He doesn't want me but doesn't want me to go out and shag a man. I recently asked if after the pandemic was over if I could just walk out the door and go on a date with another man. He scoffed. So I told him I would still be lying to him about what I am doing because I deserve a private sex life. He just clammed up. A far cry from his usual floundering mixed with anger. He mentioned divorcing. Inside I am petrified of divorce, but I know I could handle it. It would be really hard to trust someone financially, and how do I know if the guy would be kind in the long run? And to step up for sex/intimacy when so many go without sex. Fear would keep me stuck. Financially, I would need to go back into RE Sales to build back up my retirement. It would be hard and I am not the type to celebrate divorce. I get all of this (will, not the ED part) but my W's Menopause-sex-life-is-over approach is the same. For people who do bail completely, I support their decision. But, it's also hard to explain for people in my position that I'm just a little too far down the trail to abandon the trail. We get along, life is decent, obviously there's an intimacy (not just sex but all intimacy) gap but I've mostly learned to manage. |
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Post by jerri on Feb 20, 2021 16:43:12 GMT -5
He gets a 5 on sex. Now he has ED and there are a lot of women who are sexless just because the man with ED won't do anything about it. So I have two challenges. He doesn't want me but doesn't want me to go out and shag a man. I recently asked if after the pandemic was over if I could just walk out the door and go on a date with another man. He scoffed. So I told him I would still be lying to him about what I am doing because I deserve a private sex life. He just clammed up. A far cry from his usual floundering mixed with anger. He mentioned divorcing. Inside I am petrified of divorce, but I know I could handle it. It would be really hard to trust someone financially, and how do I know if the guy would be kind in the long run? And to step up for sex/intimacy when so many go without sex. Fear would keep me stuck. Financially, I would need to go back into RE Sales to build back up my retirement. It would be hard and I am not the type to celebrate divorce. I get all of this (will, not the ED part) but my W's Menopause-sex-life-is-over approach is the same. For people who do bail completely, I support their decision. But, it's also hard to explain for people in my position that I'm just a little too far down the trail to abandon the trail. We get along, life is decent, obviously there's an intimacy (not just sex but all intimacy) gap but I've mostly learned to manage. Shoot, if I had built a home where you did. It would be hard to pull me away! On the intimacy, he has surprised me and come to me for kisses goodnight! I'm missing a lot but have edged in to keep intimacy and his love languages alive. He expresses his love by doing some of his love languages. |
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Post by petrushka on Feb 21, 2021 19:39:17 GMT -5
Non sequitur: 10 on the disappointment scale of 1-5 over just how stupid and ignorant a large number of sheeple are. THAT
is the disappointment that gets me and keeps me exasperated these days.
I'm 67 (so proboard can't add up) and have type II diabetes so ED is an issue with a disappointment factor of maybe 3.
If I had a willing sex partner, something would be done about it! Besides, my kink is sensuality and oral sex, penetrative
has never held the same attraction for me. (the good news is that my eyes, my kidneys and my toes
remain completely unaffected by the diabetes).
However, looking around me, I would say that my relationship with my wife has a very high degree of intimacy and caring
so after 18 years of no-sex that particular disappointment just about fades into the background noise. Got it managed.
I've been looking for the last 12 years, and I simply haven't found a woman with whom I'd like to strike up another intimate physical relationship:
I'm picky, and, these days, slow to trust enough to give my heart away. As far as any FWB relationship of mine is concerned, Friend comes first, trust and compatibility come second, and carnal benefits come last - are, in fact, the icing on the cake.
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Post by jerri on Feb 23, 2021 12:06:40 GMT -5
Non sequitur: 10 on the disappointment scale of 1-5 over just how stupid and ignorant a large number of sheeple are. THAT is the disappointment that gets me and keeps me exasperated these days. I'm 67 (so proboard can't add up) and have type II diabetes so ED is an issue with a disappointment factor of maybe 3. If I had a willing sex partner, something would be done about it! Besides, my kink is sensuality and oral sex, penetrative
has never held the same attraction for me. (the good news is that my eyes, my kidneys and my toes remain completely unaffected by the diabetes). However, looking around me, I would say that my relationship with my wife has a very high degree of intimacy and caring so after 18 years of no-sex that particular disappointment just about fades into the background noise. Got it managed. I've been looking for the last 12 years, and I simply haven't found a woman with whom I'd like to strike up another intimate physical relationship: I'm picky, and, these days, slow to trust enough to give my heart away. As far as any FWB relationship of mine is concerned, Friend comes first, trust and compatibility come second, and carnal benefits come last - are, in fact, the icing on the cake. What? Penetration doesn't do it for you? I love this because it makes it more acceptable that H may think his mattress texture is better than penetration. Although, FWB liked it and if there's one thing I learned from sex outside and in past R's is that l am desirable even if l don't think I am good looking. I never even looked at that as a possibility. I thought sensuality automatically went with penetrative connectedness. My ego is bruised too, especially as I get older. |
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Post by petrushka on Feb 23, 2021 12:35:54 GMT -5
Non sequitur: 10 on the disappointment scale of 1-5 over just how stupid and ignorant a large number of sheeple are. THAT is the disappointment that gets me and keeps me exasperated these days. I'm 67 (so proboard can't add up) and have type II diabetes so ED is an issue with a disappointment factor of maybe 3. If I had a willing sex partner, something would be done about it! Besides, my kink is sensuality and oral sex, penetrative
has never held the same attraction for me. (the good news is that my eyes, my kidneys and my toes remain completely unaffected by the diabetes). However, looking around me, I would say that my relationship with my wife has a very high degree of intimacy and caring so after 18 years of no-sex that particular disappointment just about fades into the background noise. Got it managed. I've been looking for the last 12 years, and I simply haven't found a woman with whom I'd like to strike up another intimate physical relationship: I'm picky, and, these days, slow to trust enough to give my heart away. As far as any FWB relationship of mine is concerned, Friend comes first, trust and compatibility come second, and carnal benefits come last - are, in fact, the icing on the cake. What? Penetration doesn't do it for you? I love this because it makes it more acceptable that H may think his mattress texture is better than penetration. Although, FWB liked it and if there's one thing I learned from sex outside and in past R's is that l am desirable even if l don't think I am good looking. I never even looked at that as a possibility. I thought sensuality automatically went with penetrative connectedness. My ego is bruised too, especially as I get older. Oh, I have had plenty of penetrative sex, I am not at all adverse. What I am saying is that oral (particularly if I am going down on a lady friend) is more fun for me. One does not preclude t'other, jerri ! |
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Post by jerri on Feb 25, 2021 2:08:02 GMT -5
Fair enough, I am just the opposite cunnilingus doesn't move me and is last on the list, but I do understand getting pleasure from watching others get pleasure! Yummy!
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