|
|
Post by misssunnybunny on Feb 1, 2021 11:29:11 GMT -5
I hope that this forum is able to continue on, as finding it was a life saver for me. I found it back when it was on the Experience Project, and if I hadn't, I'd likely still be miserable in my SM. I remember when the group first moved to this new hosting site we did something to try and boost its spot on google searches, but I can't remember how....
|
|
|
|
Post by mirrororchid on Feb 1, 2021 12:48:01 GMT -5
... I don't frequent other SM forums any more as I have found them to be generally useless. Intriguing. What do the others lack that you find here? I came here from EP and didn't seek out others. I've heard DeadBedrooms subreddit is relentlessly angry. |
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Feb 1, 2021 19:11:24 GMT -5
... I don't frequent other SM forums any more as I have found them to be generally useless. Intriguing. What do the others lack that you find here? I came here from EP and didn't seek out others. I've heard DeadBedrooms subreddit is relentlessly angry. I have been separated/divorced for over 6 yrs. now so I'll have to jog my memory to answer. I did a lot of reading of articles both from magazines and forum writers who more often than not built their themes around restoring SM that had only been sexless for a relatively short period usually only months or less than a year. Also many of them presupposed that both partners were looking for a way to turn things around. At that time a number of writers framed their fixes based on Biblical teachings. And a number of them were (to me at least) feminist oriented with the causes for a SM centering around the male not being sensitive or empathetic enough or being able/willing to communicate so as to engage his spouses feelings. And there were the "chore play" advocates in droves along with the scheduling sex as a remedy. A romantic get away was often recommended as a way to restart the intimacy. I tried many of the fixes I read at sites and in the articles, all to no avail. It wasn't until I arrived at EP that I got the straight skinny from the posters there that I finally came to realize I was p*ssing into the wind. Even then I spent considerable time still trying to do an end run around the issues while trying to keep the marriage together. I failed of coarse. |
|
|
|
Post by Anonymous Steve on Feb 3, 2021 13:49:00 GMT -5
Does anybody else plug this forum elsewhere on the web? I do, on occasion... I find it difficult to plug a forum where I wish to be anonymous in places where I am not anonymous... |
|
|
|
Post by Anonymous Steve on Feb 3, 2021 14:01:35 GMT -5
I originally found 3 other relationship forums because of books that had web sites and Youtube videos. Original content is a great way of driving people to communities. This forum has plenty of posts that (given enough curation effort) could be compiled into a kind of library that would be much more visible and immediately useful to new users who could then be steered to the forums and community. The podcasts of mirrororchid et al could also help here. |
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Feb 4, 2021 8:25:36 GMT -5
I originally found 3 other relationship forums because of books that had web sites and Youtube videos. Original content is a great way of driving people to communities. This forum has plenty of posts that (given enough curation effort) could be compiled into a kind of library that would be much more visible and immediately useful to new users who could then be steered to the forums and community. The podcasts of mirrororchid et al could also help here. This post is difficult for me to phantom. How specifically are you thinking of compiling the post into a library that would be more visible? My thoughts are that the numerous categories for posting are fairly specific enough while also allowing plenty of leeway for posters to expand or argue for and against a position or statement from others. How would you make it better? It seems to me any forum must require a certain amount of effort or even discipline from the reader. Some folks do arrive here totally lost and confused about the state of their union. Most are looking for the magic bullet that will restore the original premises they thought they had signed on to when entering their marriage. I think these folks are the one's who get the most help from what they find here. Honesty, empathy a commonality of history and even on occasion the tough love required to force them to see the reality of what they are facing. there are few theories or definitive explanations for what happened in specific marriages to the people involved. We aren't therapists as such. My past forays onto other SM forums and articles in magazines has lead me to believe that most are not really helpful, because but the time events have reached a state where SM help becomes the focus of one's reading, it's generally too far gone to bring it back. Maybe you know some sites that can boast of a steady chain of success in turning around such marriages or where people have found approaches that have been genuinely helpful emotionally or psychologically. I had no such luck in my searches. |
|
|
|
Post by mirrororchid on Feb 5, 2021 6:55:20 GMT -5
Original content is a great way of driving people to communities. This forum has plenty of posts that (given enough curation effort) could be compiled into a kind of library that would be much more visible and immediately useful to new users who could then be steered to the forums and community. The podcasts of mirrororchid et al could also help here. This post is difficult for me to phantom. How specifically are you thinking of compiling the post into a library that would be more visible? My thoughts are that the numerous categories for posting are fairly specific enough while also allowing plenty of leeway for posters to expand or argue for and against a position or statement from others. How would you make it better? I took him to mean he's suggesting someone compress threads down into the essential, original reading each contains, or combining similar threads. Baza has suggested when people find an author they identify with to go to their profile page, then their posts and read them in chronological order to follow their story. A person could create biographies of ILIASM members that way and portray trajectories of specific sexless marriages and the result (stay,cheat,open,leave). I've done a little of that for posts about "The Talk". There are a dozen and combining teh gems sprinkled within was rewarding work, but a lot of it, all unpaid. It'd be a service to society, but who's got the time? |
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Feb 5, 2021 9:21:24 GMT -5
I took him to mean he's suggesting someone compress threads down into the essential, original reading each contains, or combining similar threads. Baza has suggested when people find an author they identify with to go to their profile page, then their posts and read them in chronological order to follow their story. A person could create biographies of ILIASM members that way and portray trajectories of specific sexless marriages and the result (stay,cheat,open,leave). I've done a little of that for posts about "The Talk". There are a dozen and combining teh gems sprinkled within was rewarding work, but a lot of it, all unpaid. It'd be a service to society, but who's got the time? You have basically affirmed my thinking of what the poster is asking for. Which is for someone to do most of the work for him. I can do that readily. Stay and do nothing, leave, outsource. Maybe get some therapy along the way if they are really beat down. Now it's nice and concise. Maybe I am getting cantankerous in my old age but I have always been disinclined to do the work for those to lazy to do it themselves. Or perhaps there should be an audio selection where the posts are read out loud to the viewer to spare them the onerous task of all that time consuming effort of educating themselves via the written word. I say this because I can't help but feel that if someone is unwilling to just purview the main headings as a starting point, I can't see them making the effort to search through the biographies of the membership in the hope of finding an identical or reasonable facsimile of their own situation. Seems to me that would be even more work. I can appreciate the posters opinion or suggestions of how the site might become more visible for those desperately seeking help. And I will take his input as a genuine response at improving ILIASM. I just think he gives too little credit to his fellow man /woman as to their ability/ willingness to ferret out the best sources of information available, in addressing a SM. |
|
|
|
Post by gladifoundthisforum on Mar 10, 2021 8:01:29 GMT -5
If you (as a lurker) have derived any benefit by being in this group, it would be nice to see you contribute. Whereas Covid19 probably has not helped very much, "new" postings have dropped off to a trickle over the past 12 months. It looks like this group is in serious decline. So if you have derived some benefit out of the group in the past - or at present - then now might be a good idea to become a contributing member. Without fresh input (from current "lurkers" - and/or "new" members) the future of this ILIASM group looks decidedly sick, terminally so. If you ascribe any value to the site, then supporting it is worth considering. Hello baza, I found this forum after petrushka mentioned it in an answer given in the comments on the (UK) Guardian's problem page. I've just tried to 'pay it forward' by mentioning it myself on the UK Guardian problem page. Perhaps we'll see a rise in people at least *looking* at this site.... |
|
|
|
Post by frustratedcam on Oct 23, 2021 14:53:52 GMT -5
I'm not really sure how I fixated on this sight, I know it was a google search that found it. Reading through the posts has given me renewed strength that I am not in this alone, and has given me new found courage to work on myself and take a laissez faire attitude towards my refuser (I am pretty sure, that the refuser is an undiagnosed narcissist). So as I work on fixing my self esteem, I am using this forum to kickstart my life again. So, thank you emphatically to everyone who does post on here because it gives me extra motivation to carry on fixing me.
|
|
