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Post by jerri on Jan 26, 2021 1:11:21 GMT -5
Maybe just post a few details? Vent? Say Hi, we understand you are busy. Any books you like, anything you want to add to the resources section?  If not ((((tight hugs))))
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Post by baza on Jan 26, 2021 2:24:31 GMT -5
If you (as a lurker) have derived any benefit by being in this group, it would be nice to see you contribute.
Whereas Covid19 probably has not helped very much, "new" postings have dropped off to a trickle over the past 12 months.
It looks like this group is in serious decline.
So if you have derived some benefit out of the group in the past - or at present - then now might be a good idea to become a contributing member.
Without fresh input (from current "lurkers" - and/or "new" members) the future of this ILIASM group looks decidedly sick, terminally so.
If you ascribe any value to the site, then supporting it is worth considering.
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Post by jerri on Jan 26, 2021 16:01:04 GMT -5
Yes, hear, hear. Maybe most are trying to get their new years goals in order? Sometimes a small group is better because posts do not get lost in a long feed? anyone paying for our spot on the web or is it free? I ask because I have seen one group and all it's contents because no one had paid the bill. A hacker volunteered to remove our private content so to speak.
That lady who was chastising us for not helping her and then making an exit was memorable. Maybe we are busy too and everything can't be handed to you.
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Post by petrushka on Jan 26, 2021 16:26:55 GMT -5
Indeed, don’t be like your refuser spouse and go “not tonight”! Get a login - it’s completely anonymous unlike you’re as unafraid as me - and post your thoughts here and there, or tell a little of your own story. It’s cathartic and may even help you get a clearer picture of your situation simply by putting it into words, putting it ‘on paper’. {{big hug}} for jerri for this initiative
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Post by jerri on Jan 26, 2021 20:58:06 GMT -5
Right, "not tonight, not ever?" You can't say that you cant relate to anyone.]\\\1]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]87 , <--------My cat walking across the screen. {{{BIGGER, tighter, hug}}}} petrushkaMaybe everyone wants to just be active on FB etc...
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Post by Dan on Jan 27, 2021 12:42:23 GMT -5
Maybe just post a few details? Vent? Say Hi, we understand you are busy. Any books you like, anything you want to add to the resources section? The rumors that Dan had moved on To glory or fame or success Were alas a bit of a fiction As he's pretty much in the same mess.
But he's found some comfort in knowing That despite the lack of a sex life That loving his kids and and cooking and music Brings joy where there mostly was strife.
Seek out your passion, continue to learn, Grow from your long sacrifice Own all your choices and be your own person Would be his enduring advice.
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Post by jerri on Jan 27, 2021 17:07:25 GMT -5
Maybe just post a few details? Vent? Say Hi, we understand you are busy. Any books you like, anything you want to add to the resources section? The rumors that Dan had moved on To glory or fame or success Were alas a bit of a fiction As he's pretty much in the same mess.
But he's found some comfort in knowing That despite the lack of a sex life That loving his kids and and cooking and music Brings joy where there mostly was strife.
Seek out your passion, continue to learn, Grow from your long sacrifice Own all your choices and be your own person Would be his enduring advice.Big welcome if only for a small moment in time.
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Post by Anonymous Steve on Jan 27, 2021 21:04:40 GMT -5
Long-time, but actually fairly sporadic lurker here. Not to put too fine a point on it, but the likely reason that this board is in decline is because it's virtually impossible to find, and even if you can find it, it's not too easy to work out what the board is really for. Back when it was on Experience Project, I'm pretty sure I stumbled on it while Googling some stuff around sexless marriage. Now, the only way of getting it to come up in the first page of Google search results is by explicitly including the word "forum", which is kind of specific. Even then, the search results look like:  I'm pretty sure I would be clicking on one of the other links if I didn't know this site. If this board wants new blood, it'll probably need to do some soul-searching and ask, "why would a new user come to this board and how would they get here?" You may also want to ask some of the newer users how, in fact, they did end up here. My perception of this board is that of all the "schools" of sexless marriage thought, this is one of the most fatalistic that I have seen. There is no hope for any sexless marriage to be found here, so it is a place to vent and get some needed validation while you count down the days to your divorce or death, whichever comes first. Advice is mostly limited to issues surrounding divorce, although some of the stuff around having the Talk is also useful, even though few people here have been successful at anything other than gaining clarity around the hopeless nature of their situation. I am an exception to this, which is a big reason why I post so little and don't come here very much. Fatalistic venting is not of much use to me at the moment, and if I thought my experiences would be useful to other people (and had the time and inclination to write them down in a coherent way), there would probably be better places to post them than here. I did get value from lurking on the board and reading the stories and posts, but I can't quite articulate what that value was. Maybe it was just comforting to know that my situation is a common problem without any easy solutions. There are plenty of people for whom the kind of support this board offers would be useful, but I find it hard to see how they would make their way here unless by word-of-mouth.
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Post by baza on Jan 27, 2021 23:06:03 GMT -5
Brother Anonymous Steve makes some valid points, particularly in regard to the difficulties in finding the site. If you go to the Forum Page and scroll down, you'll come to a bit titled "Forum and Statistics" There's some interesting stuff there. For example - - Right now, there are 3 members on line. - Over the last 24 hours there have been 33 members and 203 guests on the site - The total membership is 1,714 (it's been pretty static for at least a year) The "guests" part interests me. Whenever I have a look at the Statistics page there's always about 200 - 220 guests who have been on the site over the previous 24 hours. That indicates that a few people (very few) do actually "find" the ILIASM site What is unknown is how many of those few make the transition to members. The stats seem to indicate "not many". The other thing about the 200 - 220 Guests is - Are they pretty much the same 200 -220 who lurk on the site quite a lot ? or are they first time guests who have a look around once and never come back ? What does seem pretty obvious is that the number of new members is very low. Equally obvious is the fact that of the members there are heaps who never make a post. Anyway, people tend to vote with their feet, and if this site does wither on the vine (as appears to be happening) it will be because people can't find it - and or people who can find the site, but don't find the content relevant.
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Post by jim44444 on Jan 28, 2021 15:18:10 GMT -5
First, as to number of guests vs members. I believe it is a flawed statistic. If I connect I am a guest until I log in. If I connect 3 times today that is 3 guests but I am counted once.
Second, as to new members. I wonder if it is a matter of demographics. Are potential new members put off by length and depth of threads? I compare Iliasm to other forums and our replies are much longer. And by that nature we have better advise although I fear the TL:DR mentality of the internet will turn new people away. Looking at other forums the questions and answers are short and mostly worthless but they appeal to those looking for a quick fix.
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Post by Anonymous Steve on Jan 28, 2021 15:54:21 GMT -5
Second, as to new members. I wonder if it is a matter of demographics. Are potential new members put off by length and depth of threads? I compare Iliasm to other forums and our replies are much longer. And by that nature we have better advise although I fear the TL:DR mentality of the internet will turn new people away. Looking at other forums the questions and answers are short and mostly worthless but they appeal to those looking for a quick fix. I doubt that this is true, and even if it is, I doubt that it matters much. The people who post on this board (and therefore also the people this board will help) are generally those who have been wrestling with sexless marriage issues for years if not decades. It is pretty unlikely that any person (even a millennial with the attention span of a hamster) in this situation really believes in quick fixes any more. Regardless, somebody who is merely looking for an end to a 3 month dry spell is unlikely to find much here that is useful. I wouldn't worry too much about this forum being unattractive to users who aren't going to get value out of being here anyway.
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Post by Handy on Jan 28, 2021 16:52:09 GMT -5
I originally found 3 other relationship forums because of books that had web sites and Youtube videos.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jan 31, 2021 8:06:04 GMT -5
Does anybody else plug this forum elsewhere on the web? I do, on occasion... I used to plug this forum back when I was still in the marriage and when I just got out. But I don't frequent other SM forums any more as I have found them to be generally useless.
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Post by dallasgia on Jan 31, 2021 10:06:33 GMT -5
I’ve been a lurker/infrequent poster here for a few years. Been here so long I don’t know if I’m a “member” or “guest” as I only access through my phone and I never have to “sign in”. I’m probably not alone in that the only “secure” avenue to the web for me is my phone. All other computers/tablets/etc have many eyes on them and my tech savvy is not such that I could ever go to this site on those things for fear of leaving a trail back to my postings.
However, for me Just knowing y’all are here. Just knowing I’m not alone. Is comfort. Knowing I have a tiny piece of recorded timeline /diary of feelings - all these are important.
Dark dark days were days I posted. I’m positive that advice received here jerked me out of destructive, perhaps fatal, despair. I love your unseen faces. I even pray for you by name (screen name - lol) I am forever grateful to this group.
Feb 15 - will mark 2 continuous yrs sexlessness (with spouse). I wouldn’t even entertain a thought of a roll in the sack with him anymore. The damage has been done. My entire 40’s sexually abandoned by him is not something that I will forgive. Through this group I gained a confidence. An awareness. An education. A belonging that I didn’t previously have or understand. Most of all I gained courage.
Blessings and comfort be upon each one of you.
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Post by Handy on Jan 31, 2021 16:55:28 GMT -5
I listed a link to ILIASM a few times on other forums. Some other forums will remove links to here and give me a warning not to do it again.
I was on another forum and so was Jerri. She found her way here.
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