Sexless in the Suburbs
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Post by Sexless in the Suburbs on Jan 9, 2021 16:57:40 GMT -5
I’ve been married almost 8 years and for the last 5 years or so, we’ve had sex about once or twice a year. I was a virgin when I married and my husband was not. I have brought up the issue of wanting to have sex more frequently and my husband’s latest response was that he feels he does all of the “work”. I don’t know how to get better at sex of I never had it. Please help with any suggestions you have!
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Post by jim44444 on Jan 10, 2021 18:35:08 GMT -5
I’ve been married almost 8 years and for the last 5 years or so, we’ve had sex about once or twice a year. I was a virgin when I married and my husband was not. I have brought up the issue of wanting to have sex more frequently and my husband’s latest response was that he feels he does all of the “work”. I don’t know how to get better at sex of I never had it. Please help with any suggestions you have! Welcome. First, if your husband considers sex "work" then he has an issue. Especially so since you are only having sex 1 or 2 times per year. Second, to get better at sex you need experience. Unfortunately it doesn't seem as if your H will help there. Some people might suggest you watch pornography but that would be detrimental to your progress. Porn is scripted and unrealistic. There are legitimate video courses designed to help couples improve their sexual skills. The Sinclair Institute has a "Better Sex" video series for couples. |
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Post by jerri on Jan 11, 2021 3:04:53 GMT -5
^^^^^This^^^^^
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Post by mirrororchid on Jan 11, 2021 7:20:23 GMT -5
I’ve been married almost 8 years and for the last 5 years or so, we’ve had sex about once or twice a year. I was a virgin when I married and my husband was not. I have brought up the issue of wanting to have sex more frequently and my husband’s latest response was that he feels he does all of the “work”. I don’t know how to get better at sex of I never had it. Please help with any suggestions you have! This is an uncommonly mentioned complaint (not sure how common the problem is. Maybe very. Don't know.) My first thought was "Female Superior position?" |
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Post by deadzone75 on Jan 16, 2021 0:07:52 GMT -5
Have it with someone better.
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Post by baza on Jan 16, 2021 1:07:28 GMT -5
Like Brother deadzone75 says - if you are looking for a robust sex life, the first prerequisite is to have a willing and engaged partner. If you haven't got a willing and engaged partner then your chances of a robust sex life hover at around zero. |
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Post by isthisit on Jan 16, 2021 17:30:01 GMT -5
I’ve been married almost 8 years and for the last 5 years or so, we’ve had sex about once or twice a year. I was a virgin when I married and my husband was not. I have brought up the issue of wanting to have sex more frequently and my husband’s latest response was that he feels he does all of the “work”. I don’t know how to get better at sex of I never had it. Please help with any suggestions you have! I am sorry you find yourself in this situation. The problem is not with you. It is so easy to think that it is, but if you can please try to remember that it is not. Sexual intimacy is the single factor which differentiates a marriage from any other relationship and a very reasonable expectation. You are not the problem. Whatever the nature of your H’s difficulty (and you will see the full spectrum described here) does not really matter. It will feel for a bit that it does, but it doesn’t. Your options remain the same and the why doesn’t matter. You’ve invested much less time in your marriage before you came by the realities provided here. Please use that fact wisely to prevent further slippage of time to a miserable existence. I wish I had that benefit. I wish you contentment as it’s a crappy place to find yourself. Good luck. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 20, 2021 16:58:14 GMT -5
Getting better at anything requires practice. If you're having sex twice per year, that's an hour PER YEAR which doesn't indicate you can put in the time needed with this H.
Anyway, that isn't the issue. Push him more on the why, it's not because he's working so hard at sex.
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Post by jerri on Jan 21, 2021 13:35:21 GMT -5
Any of Lou Paget's work is great. I think Handy found a free pdf I will post it in the resources. How to be a great lover, Lou Paget |
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Post by flounder on Jun 19, 2021 11:50:51 GMT -5
Getting better at anything requires practice. This doesn’t apply to my golf swing. |
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Post by Handy on Jun 19, 2021 12:58:30 GMT -5
Free registration required. I did not register so I do not know the obligations/consequences of registering.
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Post by ironhamster on Jul 9, 2021 1:41:47 GMT -5
I don't think there is any one solution for how to be a great lover, but you can get there with communication.
Two years ago, I had a conversation with a guy about women and my post-divorce experience. He backed off his statement that pussy was pussy when I replied, "oh, but they're all different. Some women like rough play, some like it delicate,..." On this forum, I've scratched the surface of some things I can do now that I could not do for most of the years I was married. The reviews were mixed. Relentless pounding and cervical massage aren't going to be every woman's path to happiness, for instance, but for women that like that, it's good to find a hard man.
So, talk to your husband and figure out what he wants. If he doesn't know, consider one thing that might sound extreme. Take him to a swingers club or a sex club. You don't have to swing to go there. There are "monogamish" couples that ARE monogamous but like the highly sexually charged atmosphere and company. Get his, and your, imagination going. Feel free to watch if the doors are open. Some people are exhibitionistic in nature, and they WANT you to watch.
IMO, if he is describing sex as "work", you might have an impossible situation, but, that is my recommended course of action.
And, if, after repeated trying, you can't get him interested, it's not you. Trust me.
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Post by tamara68 on Jul 18, 2021 4:35:26 GMT -5
Besides everything that is said above, your H tries to make you feel inadequate. And you are thinking you are doing it wrong. Don't believe him. He is manipulating you. Believe you are worth it. With a willing partner it would be good. With your H, that is not possible.
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