Post by baza on Jun 3, 2016 3:39:20 GMT -5
(It might be worthwhile to read my previous story "Dysfunctional Marriage Does Your Head In" so you can put this offering below in to context)
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Here you are, having googled this group, read a bit, and joined.
You are not at your best, having been ground down by your ILIASM shithole and are not terribly well placed to do anything about it.
Your self esteem and your ability to make fully informed choices has taken a real belting.
You are in the stage that everyone starts off at - "Staying in the ILIASM shithole"
Numerically, you are in good company, near enough to 40% of members are in your situation, and most of them are going to stay right where they are indefinitely.
Further, there is another 50% of members who are presently staying, although they are considering leaving (though they have not actually taken any steps to transfer this thinking in to action). None the less, they are staying too, at present.
That's near enough to 90% of members who are staying.
And you are one of them.
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So what's next ??
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That is pretty much up to you.
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If you put your story up here, you'll get plenty of feedback.
Some of that feedback you might find useful, and it might prompt you to challenge your thinking about whether you want to remain in the "staying" group, or not.
You may challenge your thinking and still end up choosing to stay.
You may stick with the staying choice for months. Or forever.
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Or, you might move over to the "staying but considering leaving" group.
This, is probably the most painful and difficult group to be in, where you have a foot in both camps, the camps are drifting further apart, and you are doing a painful version of the splits.
You haven't been able to accept your marital situation without resentment - and you haven't been able to really, REALLY, take a real good objective look at the leaving option.
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So, suggestion at this point.
Acknowledge that you are choosing to stay. And take ownership of that choice. Don't try and deflect the responsibility for your staying on to your spouse, or anyone / thing else. Own the fact that today, you are staying.
That might not be your choice in days or months ahead, but it IS your choice today.
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This "owning your choices" is the building block for everything that follows from here.
It is a pivotal point for the next stage of your process ("if" you want to go there).
-
Here you are, having googled this group, read a bit, and joined.
You are not at your best, having been ground down by your ILIASM shithole and are not terribly well placed to do anything about it.
Your self esteem and your ability to make fully informed choices has taken a real belting.
You are in the stage that everyone starts off at - "Staying in the ILIASM shithole"
Numerically, you are in good company, near enough to 40% of members are in your situation, and most of them are going to stay right where they are indefinitely.
Further, there is another 50% of members who are presently staying, although they are considering leaving (though they have not actually taken any steps to transfer this thinking in to action). None the less, they are staying too, at present.
That's near enough to 90% of members who are staying.
And you are one of them.
-
So what's next ??
-
That is pretty much up to you.
-
If you put your story up here, you'll get plenty of feedback.
Some of that feedback you might find useful, and it might prompt you to challenge your thinking about whether you want to remain in the "staying" group, or not.
You may challenge your thinking and still end up choosing to stay.
You may stick with the staying choice for months. Or forever.
-
Or, you might move over to the "staying but considering leaving" group.
This, is probably the most painful and difficult group to be in, where you have a foot in both camps, the camps are drifting further apart, and you are doing a painful version of the splits.
You haven't been able to accept your marital situation without resentment - and you haven't been able to really, REALLY, take a real good objective look at the leaving option.
-
So, suggestion at this point.
Acknowledge that you are choosing to stay. And take ownership of that choice. Don't try and deflect the responsibility for your staying on to your spouse, or anyone / thing else. Own the fact that today, you are staying.
That might not be your choice in days or months ahead, but it IS your choice today.
-
This "owning your choices" is the building block for everything that follows from here.
It is a pivotal point for the next stage of your process ("if" you want to go there).
