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Post by jerri on Jan 15, 2021 0:09:46 GMT -5
We try to make sure we get sex after holidays, on our birthdays and anniversaries! I know it sounds cold, but i long for sex on those occasions! I just don't want to go without any longer! It only makes sense, those are the occasions where we mark time, celebrate, perhaps contemplate life. It makes sense if you are HL anyway. I'm certain just the thought of sex at a predetermined time (holiday, anniversary, whatever) was difficult for my W. It pained me not to have sex during holidays each year, so I decided l no longer would be in pain after the sex didn't 'cum' especially my birthday! I don't consider myself HL. I think HLs are tortured much more than I was! |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2021 10:54:38 GMT -5
It only makes sense, those are the occasions where we mark time, celebrate, perhaps contemplate life. It makes sense if your HL anyway. I'm certain just the thought of sex at a predetermined time (holiday, anniversary, whatever) was difficult for my W. It pained me not to have sex during holidays each year, so I decided l no longer would be in pain after the sex didn't 'cum' especially my birthday! I don't consider myself HL. I think HLs are tortured much more than I was! It pains me to read this again and realize that I used your instead of you're. |
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Post by thefullmoon on Jan 15, 2021 20:47:17 GMT -5
I did not have sex with my husband for 11 years and never want it again...he has a lot of health issues though...Hopefully will have sex with someone else...as soon as covid restrictons lifted up🙂...Never lose hope!
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Post by jerri on Jan 16, 2021 2:30:51 GMT -5
I did not have sex with my husband for 11 years and never want it again...he has a lot of health issues though...Hopefully will have sex with someone else...as soon as covid restrictons lifted up🙂...Never lose hope! That was my story! I told my H you had it your way the first part of our marriage and I will have it my way the rest of our marriage. I wasn't getting any younger! The more I went without the more I wanted it. Good luck! |
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Post by thefullmoon on Jan 18, 2021 21:09:19 GMT -5
I did not have sex with my husband for 11 years and never want it again...he has a lot of health issues though...Hopefully will have sex with someone else...as soon as covid restrictons lifted up🙂...Never lose hope! That was my story! I told my H you had it your way the first part of our marriage and I will have it my way the rest of our marriage. I wasn't getting any younger! The more I went without the more I wanted it. Good luck! I did not say anything to my husband... |
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Post by jerri on Jan 19, 2021 0:50:13 GMT -5
That was my story! I told my H you had it your way the first part of our marriage and I will have it my way the rest of our marriage. I wasn't getting any younger! The more I went without the more I wanted it. Good luck! I did not say anything to my husband... , I think you will get there and then you will tell him if appropriate, in your own way. Maybe even just telling him a simple "I will be getting sex somewhere and its not my intention to hurt you, but I can't go without intimacy for the rest of my life". I don't think anyone who is withholding sex with a partner who is willing and has tried her/his best can really be surprised to find that we stepped out to get our needs fulfilled. <3 |
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Post by worksforme2 on Jan 19, 2021 6:22:19 GMT -5
I did not say anything to my husband... , I think you will get there and then you will tell him if appropriate, in your own way. Maybe even just telling him a simple "I will be getting sex somewhere and its not my intention to hurt you, but I can't go without intimacy for the rest of my life". I don't think anyone who is withholding sex with a partner who is willing and has tried her/his best can really be surprised to find that we stepped out to get our needs fulfilled. <3 They may not be surprised but they may not be willing to go along with your plan. I had several talks with my now X about opening up our marriage. She was adamant that she didn't want that so she began being sexual again. This lasted for about 3 months and then she began refusing again. This was probably the 4th or 5th reset by her, and it was the last. W I took off my ring and shortly later she did the same and we began discussing separation and divorce. She preferred divorce to an open marriage. |
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Post by thefullmoon on Jan 19, 2021 11:41:01 GMT -5
I did not say anything to my husband... , I think you will get there and then you will tell him if appropriate, in your own way. Maybe even just telling him a simple "I will be getting sex somewhere and its not my intention to hurt you, but I can't go without intimacy for the rest of my life". I don't think anyone who is withholding sex with a partner who is willing and has tried her/his best can really be surprised to find that we stepped out to get our needs fulfilled. <3 He has dementia...he needs a carrier, no point to go into deep discussion...For years we were talking very basic- his pains, food and changing clothes...For a year he was nearly unconscious and admitted into nursing home as he needed medical attention around the clock...now he is back home and much better, but still fully depends on me... Anyway I am not going to leave him or change our life style in any shape and form...At this present time I only communicate with my lover on-line... Sure I can make myself completely open and honest and tell my husband that I have a lover...but what for? It will hurt him no doubts...Though our sexlessness started long before he fallen ill, but at that time I did not want him and it was a relief for me... |
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Post by jerri on Jan 19, 2021 15:18:10 GMT -5
thefullmoon , I think you will get there and then you will tell him if appropriate, in your own way. Maybe even just telling him a simple "I will be getting sex somewhere and its not my intention to hurt you, but I can't go without intimacy for the rest of my life". I don't think anyone who is withholding sex with a partner who is willing and has tried her/his best can really be surprised to find that we stepped out to get our needs fulfilled. <3 He has dementia...he needs a carrier, no point to go into deep discussion...Fir years we were taliking very basic- his pains, food and changing clothes...For a year he was nearly unconscious and admitted into nursing home as he needed medical attention around the clock...now he is back home and much better, but still fully depends on me... Anyway I am not going to leave him or change our life style in any shape and form...At this present time I only communicate with my lover on-line... Sure I can make myself completely open and honest and tell my husband that I have a lover...but what for? It will hurt him no doubts...Though our sexlessness started long before he fallen ill, but at that time I did not want him and it was a relief for me... yes, no reason to tell him. You both have enough on your plate. |
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Post by jerri on Jan 19, 2021 15:33:14 GMT -5
thefullmoon , I think you will get there and then you will tell him if appropriate, in your own way. Maybe even just telling him a simple "I will be getting sex somewhere and its not my intention to hurt you, but I can't go without intimacy for the rest of my life". I don't think anyone who is withholding sex with a partner who is willing and has tried her/his best can really be surprised to find that we stepped out to get our needs fulfilled. <3 They may not be surprised but they may not be willing to go along with your plan. I had several talks with my now X about opening up our marriage. She was adamant that she didn't want that so she began being sexual again. This lasted for about 3 months and then she began refusing again. This was probably the 4th or 5th reset by her, and it was the last. W I took off my ring and shortly later she did the same and we began discussing separation and divorce. She preferred divorce to an open marriage. It's not a talk. I used to be in an infidelity forum with my mentor, who was also in an open marriage. They have the very best ways to keep it simple and discreet. It's a statement that one makes and then don't follow through with for some time. It's simple and to the point and it really doesn't matter what the refuser wants or does't. The only thing that matters at that point is what the person who has constantly gone without wants. Why should the refuser only get what they want?There is 40% of marriages impacted by infidelity, how many do you think are philanderers in a sexless marriage? I think that number's higher. Sexless wasn't in our vows. They at some point don't have a right to dictate if I get sex or not. Don't give the refuser a choice, they didn't give us a choice. It also doesn't mean being a jerk about it. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2021 14:37:58 GMT -5
I almost received a kiss this morning with only a slight head-turn to avoid actually touching lips. I think the corners of our lips may have actually touched. So, I've got that going for me.
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Post by catlover on Feb 19, 2021 22:03:03 GMT -5
My wife gave up sex for lent, I didn't find out till after Easter :-)
Dumb me still holds out the hope that birthdays, Christmas, New Year holds the promise of some fun, then of course I am bitterly disappointed when it doesn't happen. (FFS, I have been hoping like hell for the last 40 years that I could bring in the New Year with a bang. HaHa, dream on pal
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Post by deadzone75 on Feb 20, 2021 3:07:03 GMT -5
My wife gave up sex for lent, I didn't find out till after Easter :-) Dumb me still holds out the hope that birthdays, Christmas, New Year holds the promise of some fun, then of course I am bitterly disappointed when it doesn't happen. (FFS, I have been hoping like hell for the last 40 years that I could bring in the New Year with a bang. HaHa, dream on pal There's a new offense around every corner when you have hope in a SM. For years I thought there was a magic button that I need only find to make my W like sex. You wouldn't believe the dumb shit I thought up to find this button. Every idea, suggestion was shot down with a complimentary dose of shame. Slowly every holiday and special event approached like a blade, and left me celebrating resentment and awkwardness until I finally quit giving a shit. Today, I'd self-pleasure myself to Gibraltar and back before I'd touch my W in an intimate way. My happiness lies elsewhere. |
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Post by mirrororchid on Feb 22, 2021 7:17:17 GMT -5
My wife gave up sex for lent, I didn't find out till after Easter :-) Dumb me still holds out the hope that birthdays, Christmas, New Year holds the promise of some fun, then of course I am bitterly disappointed when it doesn't happen. (FFS, I have been hoping like hell for the last 40 years that I could bring in the New Year with a bang. HaHa, dream on pal My wife has reset over the past year. While it's splendid and I'm grateful to the Almighty, it's odd how our coupling has no relation to any holiday where you and I and so many ILIASM members get thoughts of celebrating with joy. If we enjoy marital intimacy on a holiday some day, I'll be pretty sure it was a statistical inevitability, not a conscious decision. Not a complaint, just a gobsmacking observation of the differences in our thought processes. I don't get it. In my dating life, birthday sex was a must! No one was thinking it was in question! Frankly, I gotta wonder, is the first sexless birthday or anniversary a spouse's consistent red flag or danger ahead? Sexlessness can be so slow in its evolution, it's hard to remember how it happened and when. |
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Post by catlover on Feb 23, 2021 13:47:50 GMT -5
My wife gave up sex for lent, I didn't find out till after Easter :-) Dumb me still holds out the hope that birthdays, Christmas, New Year holds the promise of some fun, then of course I am bitterly disappointed when it doesn't happen. (FFS, I have been hoping like hell for the last 40 years that I could bring in the New Year with a bang. HaHa, dream on pal My wife has reset over the past year. While it's splendid and I'm grateful to the Almighty, it's odd how our coupling has no relation to any holiday where you and I and so many ILIASM members get thoughts of celebrating with joy. If we enjoy marital intimacy on a holiday some day, I'll be pretty sure it was a statistical inevitability, not a conscious decision. Not a complaint, just a gobsmacking observation of the differences in our thought processes. I don't get it. In my dating life, birthday sex was a must! No one was thinking it was in question! Frankly, I gotta wonder, is the first sexless birthday or anniversary a spouse's consistent red flag or danger ahead? Sexlessness can be so slow in its evolution, it's hard to remember how it happened and when. If she had to offer (more likely to win the lottery :-) ) I would accept in a heartbeat. Dumb prick that I am |
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