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Post by h on Jan 9, 2021 7:08:56 GMT -5
She renaged. Said she forgot and there was now no time. Then it was my fault as I was upsetting her by being angry. So, it becomes all on me. I am not in a good place over this but I am recovering and will get over it. But not forget it. She broke a promise to you. Stay on that. Make her confront that specific issue. It doesn't matter that it was about sex. Bottom line, she failed to keep her word and is untrustworthy. |
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Post by baza on Jan 9, 2021 17:45:03 GMT -5
Brother h makes the key point. The issue here is her trustworthiness. Instead of the usual - "everything is great, bar the sex" lament seen in this group - an ILIASM situation would be more accurately be - "everything is great, bar the untrustworthiness" |
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Post by deadzone75 on Jan 10, 2021 1:29:44 GMT -5
I don't believe I have had holiday sex in 16 years. I can't think of a single time, and I'm pretty sure I'd remember it if I had. I don't think of it as a time when people are more apt to get it on, and that is surely by conditioning. My W never tiptoed around the holidays like she did on birthdays and anniversaries. You know...those occasions where there is some happiness or celebration during the day, and then as the day grows long in the tooth, they start to appear uneasy and turn into pumpkins at dusk, victims to headaches and upset stomachs and what not.
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Post by snowman12345 on Jan 10, 2021 16:55:34 GMT -5
I did have holiday sex, just not with my spouse...
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Post by mirrororchid on Jan 11, 2021 7:12:07 GMT -5
I don't believe I have had holiday sex in 16 years. I can't think of a single time, and I'm pretty sure I'd remember it if I had. I don't think of it as a time when people are more apt to get it on, and that is surely by conditioning. My W never tiptoed around the holidays like she did on birthdays and anniversaries. You know...those occasions where there is some happiness or celebration during the day, and then as the day grows long in the tooth, they start to appear uneasy and turn into pumpkins at dusk, victims to headaches and upset stomachs and what not. You'd think dreading celebratory days would be a reason for refusers to leave. 'My refused spouse kills my holiday spirit.' They figure it'd be the same with any future spouse, so they accept it? The logic may be sound if sex has never been appealing. |
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Post by jim44444 on Jan 11, 2021 8:22:43 GMT -5
Did we get holiday sex?
Nope, but sex did take a holiday.
Sorry I said that, not sorry.
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Post by alwaysdenied on Jan 11, 2021 14:03:04 GMT -5
I actually got some Early December. Yesterday my wife said to me... 'we haven't had sex all year'. She meant it as a joke. I told her that I wasn't really expecting it. She had a bit of a surprised look on her face like I got a little too close to the truth, then realized there was only one way to prove me wrong. Of course she didn't want to prove me wrong THAT much. I don't really care about if I get it or not anymore. If I do get it, it's starfish bad sex anyway. I'd rather just do it myself.
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Post by mirrororchid on Jan 11, 2021 21:49:15 GMT -5
I actually got some Early December. Yesterday my wife said to me... 'we haven't had sex all year'. She meant it as a joke. I told her that I wasn't really expecting it. She had a bit of a surprised look on her face like I got a little too close to the truth, then realized there was only one way to prove me wrong. Of course she didn't want to prove me wrong THAT much. I don't really care about if I get it or not anymore. If I do get it, it's starfish bad sex anyway. I'd rather just do it myself. As happens so frequently, I gave you the thumbs up button and it was weird. It sucks you get so little. It's great you are so clear-eyed. On balance? The grasp on reality FTW |
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Post by jerri on Jan 13, 2021 3:25:20 GMT -5
I did have holiday sex, just not with my spouse... We try to make sure we get sex after holidays, on our birthdays and anniversaries! I know it sounds cold, but i long for sex on those occasions! I just don't want to go without any longer! |
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Post by jerri on Jan 13, 2021 3:33:57 GMT -5
I actually got some Early December. Yesterday my wife said to me... 'we haven't had sex all year'. She meant it as a joke. I told her that I wasn't really expecting it. She had a bit of a surprised look on her face like I got a little too close to the truth, then realized there was only one way to prove me wrong. Of course she didn't want to prove me wrong THAT much. I don't really care about if I get it or not anymore. If I do get it, it's starfish bad sex anyway. I'd rather just do it myself. But why do they just lay there? What happened to all these women who fake orgasms to make their partners feel good about it? Why not at least do that? Blows my mind! I just don't understand starfish. I wondered if they enjoyed the dominated take over, like you see in FetLife? |
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Post by alwaysdenied on Jan 13, 2021 9:15:36 GMT -5
I actually got some Early December. Yesterday my wife said to me... 'we haven't had sex all year'. She meant it as a joke. I told her that I wasn't really expecting it. She had a bit of a surprised look on her face like I got a little too close to the truth, then realized there was only one way to prove me wrong. Of course she didn't want to prove me wrong THAT much. I don't really care about if I get it or not anymore. If I do get it, it's starfish bad sex anyway. I'd rather just do it myself. But why do they just lay there? What happened to all these women who fake orgasms to make their partners feel good about it? Why not at least do that? Blows my mind! I just don't understand starfish. I wondered if they enjoyed the dominated take over, like you see in FetLife? I guess it's a hangup about sex or intimacy. Here's the thing, I know she gets off. I mean she thinks she has this big secret which is funny to me. I don't get why she feel the need to deny anything.
I'm a very willing person. Whatever she was in to or wanted to do to get off, I'd happily do what she liked. Imagine that for a second... Whatever your fantasy or kink is... I'm down. But she's unwilling to share any of her orgasms with me. I can't imagine the amount of counseling and hypnosis it would take to fix that much of a sexual hangup. She knows there is a problem. But she had 1 call to a therapist and said the right things (lying) and said, I don't need any therapy because she was able to fool the therapist. Which is the exact opposite of what should have happened.
But even faking it would be better than 'hurry up and get it over with'.
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Post by jerri on Jan 14, 2021 2:15:58 GMT -5
But why do they just lay there? What happened to all these women who fake orgasms to make their partners feel good about it? Why not at least do that? Blows my mind! I just don't understand starfish. I wondered if they enjoyed the dominated take over, like you see in FetLife? I guess it's a hangup about sex or intimacy. Here's the thing, I know she gets off. I mean she thinks she has this big secret which is funny to me. I don't get why she feel the need to deny anything.
I'm a very willing person. Whatever she was in to or wanted to do to get off, I'd happily do what she liked. Imagine that for a second... Whatever your fantasy or kink is... I'm down. But she's unwilling to share any of her orgasms with me. I can't imagine the amount of counseling and hypnosis it would take to fix that much of a sexual hangup. She knows there is a problem. But she had 1 call to a therapist and said the right things (lying) and said, I don't need any therapy because she was able to fool the therapist. Which is the exact opposite of what should have happened.
But even faking it would be better than 'hurry up and get it over with'.
Sometimes I like to get still and quiet and meditate on the sensation. (It really heightens the sensation, but I tell him I will be very still...) It is intense, but later I wonder if I should have broke the meditation, but it is such a rush to orgasm! Love that sensation. Very interesting! I think therapists let the lies go? They automatically lose the client if they call them out on bs. They are better than judges when it comes to the micromovement of facial expressions. They're face to face. |
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Post by petrushka on Jan 14, 2021 3:48:12 GMT -5
jerri a trained therapist does not let the lies go. By the same token, they do not 'call them out'. Their skill lies in asking questions that make the [patient] realize motivations and actions that they were not necessarily aware of when they did whatever they did, or said whatever they said. You question. You try to make them more self aware through questions. You never tell them what to do, and you never call them out directly. You ask questions that make them think of possible approaches to their problems for themselves. Everybody knows that if they think of something themselves, they are much more likely go put effort into it than if someone tells them what to do (except maybe genuine submissives).
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Post by jerri on Jan 14, 2021 4:07:52 GMT -5
jerri a trained therapist does not let the lies go. By the same token, they do not 'call them out'. Their skill lies in asking questions that make the [patient] realize motivations and actions that they were not necessarily aware of when they did whatever they did, or said whatever they said. You question. You try to make them more self aware through questions. You never tell them what to do, and you never call them out directly. You ask questions that make them think of possible approaches to their problems for themselves. Everybody knows that if they think of something themselves, they are much more likely go put effort into it than if someone tells them what to do (except maybe genuine submissives). Wait, that's healthy! Hahaha 😹 |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2021 16:16:46 GMT -5
I did have holiday sex, just not with my spouse... We try to make sure we get sex after holidays, on our birthdays and anniversaries! I know it sounds cold, but i long for sex on those occasions! I just don't want to go without any longer! It only makes sense, those are the occasions where we mark time, celebrate, perhaps contemplate life. It makes sense if your HL anyway. I'm certain just the thought of sex at a predetermined time (holiday, anniversary, whatever) was difficult for my W. |
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