|
|
Post by sweetplumeria on Dec 8, 2020 6:22:58 GMT -5
I am awake its 3 in the morning.... I ponder if its worth it to stay... worth it to leave... I really don't have answers.
The kids are growing up and all I can say to them is do it better than me.
Would I be asleep if I felt comfort from the man next to me?
|
|
|
|
Post by sadkat on Dec 8, 2020 11:41:50 GMT -5
Sleep was elusive to me in my SM. I didn’t sleep for years. It affected my mood, my health, and my overall sense of well being. Insomnia is not good at all. I thought it was just one of those things that afflicted me and I’d just have to live with it..... until my blood pressure got so high my doctor immediately put me on Ambien. I was on it for a little over 6 months. During that time, I broke the news to H that our marriage wasn’t working, I told my son I was leaving his dad, I sold my house and moved across the country. Today, I sleep alone but I’m sleeping like a baby most nights.
|
|
|
|
Post by alwaysdenied on Dec 8, 2020 15:52:18 GMT -5
I don't know if you'd be asleep.
In fact, when I come to bed I'm forbidden to make contact with my wife because she will wake up and NOT go back to sleep. Of course she won't let me touch her when she's awake either so guess she's always on her guard to keep me at an arm's length. I don't know why some people can't sleep. I feel for you. I could sleep through an atomic bomb and my wife hates me for it. But I've learned to do everything I can to not touch the sleeping bear.
|
|
|
|
Post by isthisit on Dec 8, 2020 16:23:35 GMT -5
Sleep was elusive to me in my SM. I didn’t sleep for years. It affected my mood, my health, and my overall sense of well being. Insomnia is not good at all. I thought it was just one of those things that afflicted me and I’d just have to live with it..... until my blood pressure got so high my doctor immediately put me on Ambien. I was on it for a little over 6 months. During that time, I broke the news to H that our marriage wasn’t working, I told my son I was leaving his dad, I sold my house and moved across the country. Today, I sleep alone but I’m sleeping like a baby most nights. I was just the same. Years of insomnia and poor quality of sleep when I did catch some. At the time I attributed this to a long term health condition which was not the problem at all. It was the unhappiness associated with my dysfunctional marriage. Today I sleep alone and just love my sleeping space. Gone is the tension, sense of uncertainty and rejection, and the mind-fuck of possibilities which go unrecognised. I am self indulgent and well rested in a safe and comfortable space. It will have to be a special man to get back in here now. Maybe I would consider a part-time applicant. 🤔 |
|
|
|
Post by baza on Dec 8, 2020 22:53:24 GMT -5
I dunno if this helps or not Sister sweetplumeria - quite likely it doesn't, but I offer it as something to think about. This "I ponder if its worth it to stay... worth it to leave... I really don't have answers" question. You actually DO have the answer, right here and right now. You choose to stay, and you've made that choice many many times over the last XX years. The sums have kept adding up to staying being preferable to leaving. And, it is a perfectly valid choice. Assorted Sisters have made the same choice - elynne ballofconfusion northstarmom @elle choosinghappy as a few examples. All of them chose to stay ..... right up to when they did the sums again, and came up with a different answer, which compelled a different choice. So don't feel too down about it. Just about every newbie here is staying. And those examples above were likewise staying, and stayed right up to when they chose different. |
|
|
|
Post by elynne on Dec 9, 2020 1:56:59 GMT -5
I dunno if this helps or not Sister sweetplumeria - quite likely it doesn't, but I offer it as something to think about. This "I ponder if its worth it to stay... worth it to leave... I really don't have answers" question. You actually DO have the answer, right here and right now. You choose to stay, and you've made that choice many many times over the last XX years. The sums have kept adding up to staying being preferable to leaving. And, it is a perfectly valid choice. Assorted Sisters have made the same choice - elynne ballofconfusion northstarmom @elle choosinghappy as a few examples. All of them chose to stay ..... right up to when they did the sums again, and came up with a different answer, which compelled a different choice. So don't feel too down about it. Just about every newbie here is staying. And those examples above were likewise staying, and stayed right up to when they chose different. It took me ages to realize something was wrong (about 10 years in I was at a gala without my husband. A recently divorced man was flirting with me. I kept it light-hearted. I was committed to my marriage. He had asked me what my favorite painting was - As I explained my answer a tear slid down my cheek - I wasn’t crying but it was quite a sincere and heartfelt answer. He reached out and brushed the tear away. It was in that moment, being touched after almost a decade of a sexless marriage that changed everything. I decided it was time to head to my hotel. But inside I melted. My body had reacted to being touched with yearning, desire. I went to bed. Alone. Had intense sexual dreams, woke up orgasming. Went home the next morning and tried to connect with my husband, to displace all of these feelings of longing and desire to the man I was married to. He literally pushed me away. I ended up having a six month affair with the man from the gala. Telling my husband that I was extremely unhappy and if things didn’t change I would have to leave. We entered a year and a half of torturous therapy. My ex was (in addition to being unaffectionate) abusive. It took a year and a half of soul searching, difficult questions, and heartache to come to my realization that divorce was my best option. I can’t explain how terrified I was. I can’t honestly recall how scared I was. It seems almost as if the emotions belong to a different person. My ex had subtly threatened to kill me if I left. He’s a doctor. He mentioned over breakfast that he knew the perfect way to kill someone without a trace, no evidence. Explained it in detail. Stared at me for a long pause. Smiled. Then finished his breakfast. Fast forward two years: I’m dating an incredible man. Literally the best sex of my life. When I was going through therapy with my ex he said to me “If you get your PhD that is a breaking point. It is definitely divorce.” Yesterday had an orientation meeting with the PhD department of the Royal Academy of Art in The Hague. My boyfriend supports me unconditionally. I can’t begin to explain how awful things were or how much easier and more joyful life is now. My relationship with my children has improved dramatically. I sleep well. My self confidence is back. I’m cheerful. I’m excited about the future. There are bits that are hard. Family holidays without family in a foreign country kind of suck. But for me, it was the right choice. For each person it will be different. Just wanted to share that in the middle of my marriage I couldn’t see clearly - I didn’t understand just how bad it was or how much better life could be. I did have a sense that if I didn’t leave when I did that I would not have survived or ever find the strength to leave. |
|
|
|
Post by snowman12345 on Dec 9, 2020 21:14:56 GMT -5
I dunno if this helps or not Sister sweetplumeria - quite likely it doesn't, but I offer it as something to think about. This "I ponder if its worth it to stay... worth it to leave... I really don't have answers" question. You actually DO have the answer, right here and right now. You choose to stay, and you've made that choice many many times over the last XX years. The sums have kept adding up to staying being preferable to leaving. And, it is a perfectly valid choice. Assorted Sisters have made the same choice - elynne ballofconfusion northstarmom @elle choosinghappy as a few examples. All of them chose to stay ..... right up to when they did the sums again, and came up with a different answer, which compelled a different choice. So don't feel too down about it. Just about every newbie here is staying. And those examples above were likewise staying, and stayed right up to when they chose different. It took me ages to realize something was wrong (about 10 years in I was at a gala without my husband. A recently divorced man was flirting with me. I kept it light-hearted. I was committed to my marriage. He had asked me what my favorite painting was - As I explained my answer a tear slid down my cheek - I wasn’t crying but it was quite a sincere and heartfelt answer. He reached out and brushed the tear away. It was in that moment, being touched after almost a decade of a sexless marriage that changed everything. I decided it was time to head to my hotel. But inside I melted. My body had reacted to being touched with yearning, desire. I went to bed. Alone. Had intense sexual dreams, woke up orgasming. Went home the next morning and tried to connect with my husband, to displace all of these feelings of longing and desire to the man I was married to. He literally pushed me away. I ended up having a six month affair with the man from the gala. Telling my husband that I was extremely unhappy and if things didn’t change I would have to leave. We entered a year and a half of torturous therapy. My ex was (in addition to being unaffectionate) abusive. It took a year and a half of soul searching, difficult questions, and heartache to come to my realization that divorce was my best option. I can’t explain how terrified I was. I can’t honestly recall how scared I was. It seems almost as if the emotions belong to a different person. My ex had subtly threatened to kill me if I left. He’s a doctor. He mentioned over breakfast that he knew the perfect way to kill someone without a trace, no evidence. Explained it in detail. Stared at me for a long pause. Smiled. Then finished his breakfast. Fast forward two years: I’m dating an incredible man. Literally the best sex of my life. When I was going through therapy with my ex he said to me “If you get your PhD that is a breaking point. It is definitely divorce.” Yesterday had an orientation meeting with the PhD department of the Royal Academy of Art in The Hague. My boyfriend supports me unconditionally. I can’t begin to explain how awful things were or how much easier and more joyful life is now. My relationship with my children has improved dramatically. I sleep well. My self confidence is back. I’m cheerful. I’m excited about the future. There are bits that are hard. Family holidays without family in a foreign country kind of suck. But for me, it was the right choice. For each person it will be different. Just wanted to share that in the middle of my marriage I couldn’t see clearly - I didn’t understand just how bad it was or how much better life could be. I did have a sense that if I didn’t leave when I did that I would not have survived or ever find the strength to leave. I recall when you first came on this board - you seemed so frazzled. It is always a delight when people find a choice that works for them and makes them happy. |
|
|
|
Post by saarinista on Dec 9, 2020 21:43:33 GMT -5
It took me ages to realize something was wrong (about 10 years in I was at a gala without my husband. A recently divorced man was flirting with me. I kept it light-hearted. I was committed to my marriage. He had asked me what my favorite painting was - As I explained my answer a tear slid down my cheek - I wasn’t crying but it was quite a sincere and heartfelt answer. He reached out and brushed the tear away. It was in that moment, being touched after almost a decade of a sexless marriage that changed everything. I decided it was time to head to my hotel. But inside I melted. My body had reacted to being touched with yearning, desire. I went to bed. Alone. Had intense sexual dreams, woke up orgasming. Went home the next morning and tried to connect with my husband, to displace all of these feelings of longing and desire to the man I was married to. He literally pushed me away. I ended up having a six month affair with the man from the gala. Telling my husband that I was extremely unhappy and if things didn’t change I would have to leave. We entered a year and a half of torturous therapy. My ex was (in addition to being unaffectionate) abusive. It took a year and a half of soul searching, difficult questions, and heartache to come to my realization that divorce was my best option. I can’t explain how terrified I was. I can’t honestly recall how scared I was. It seems almost as if the emotions belong to a different person. My ex had subtly threatened to kill me if I left. He’s a doctor. He mentioned over breakfast that he knew the perfect way to kill someone without a trace, no evidence. Explained it in detail. Stared at me for a long pause. Smiled. Then finished his breakfast. Fast forward two years: I’m dating an incredible man. Literally the best sex of my life. When I was going through therapy with my ex he said to me “If you get your PhD that is a breaking point. It is definitely divorce.” Yesterday had an orientation meeting with the PhD department of the Royal Academy of Art in The Hague. My boyfriend supports me unconditionally. I can’t begin to explain how awful things were or how much easier and more joyful life is now. My relationship with my children has improved dramatically. I sleep well. My self confidence is back. I’m cheerful. I’m excited about the future. There are bits that are hard. Family holidays without family in a foreign country kind of suck. But for me, it was the right choice. For each person it will be different. Just wanted to share that in the middle of my marriage I couldn’t see clearly - I didn’t understand just how bad it was or how much better life could be. I did have a sense that if I didn’t leave when I did that I would not have survived or ever find the strength to leave. I recall when you first came on this board - you seemed so frazzled. It is always a delight when people find a choice that works for them and makes them happy. Beyond frazzled? elynne you were in a state of near despair from what i saw. Now reading your story, I applaud your fortitude in getting out and getting on with life. I also can't help but wonder if I've chosen the wrong path in staying for now. True, the pandemic has halted my job search which is a major factor to me, but I still have to think perhaps I should have decamped to a rented room to get my head together a lot sooner instead of "planning" and getting my ducks in a row. Sigh. Anyway, good for you with your progress. You're an inspiration. |
|
|
|
Post by elynne on Dec 10, 2020 4:16:25 GMT -5
I recall when you first came on this board - you seemed so frazzled. It is always a delight when people find a choice that works for them and makes them happy. Beyond frazzled? elynne you were in a state of near despair from what i saw. Now reading your story, I applaud your fortitude in getting out and getting on with life. I also can't help but wonder if I've chosen the wrong path in staying for now. True, the pandemic has halted my job search which is a major factor to me, but I still have to think perhaps I should have decamped to a rented room to get my head together a lot sooner instead of "planning" and getting my ducks in a row. Sigh. Anyway, good for you with your progress. You're an inspiration. I was really at the end of my rope. Hanging on by a thread. I still miss my old house. I miss gatherings of the extended family. I’m angry that my ex seems to be kind to his new girlfriend. Why the fuck couldn’t he be nice to me?! Asshole!!😅 But despite all of that I wouldn’t go back to the way things were. My current partner and I live an hour away from each other. Weeks that I have the kids he usually comes for dinner one evening, we go to our dancing lessons and he spends the night. Weeks that I don’t have the kids we spend more time together. Last weekend we had the house to ourselves, had an amazing dinner, cuddled, watched a film, had marathon sex. He holds me, he loves to hug and cuddle. He strokes my hair. I wish I could describe the feeling- but I feel safe, warm, protected. Unconditionally loved. Amazing how much one’s perspective changes once you begin to heal from the dysfunctional patterns. I used to put 80% of my waking energy into thinking about my ex, trying to fix things, to understand, to please him, to connect, to be noticed. I’ve reached the point where I ask why I stayed so long. Why I tried so hard. He was a crap husband. He was a terrible partner. What was I working so hard to save? The new question turns things upside down. I didn’t fail at the marriage. He failed spectacularly! He failed with a partner who was willing to try anything and kept trying for over a decade. But!!! And this is huge! I wasn’t ready to leave earlier. I didn’t have the support network or friends or courage or financial means to leave earlier. There were a lot of hurdles. I was scared. I didn’t have the right to stay in the country post-divorce. I shook and my palms sweated as I secretly copied financial information to take to my secret meeting with a lawyer to ask if I could divorce my husband. We all make the choices that are correct for us in the moment. We all have different pressures and factors that weigh our decisions. But it was almost impossible for me to see the situation clearly from inside. The actual leaving was a leap of faith. I had support here in ILIASM that was invaluable. I had financial support from my parents for my legal fees. I had a fantastic therapist. I had friends that checked in on me and listened. Focus on the future and what you want. Then make decisions that are consistent with your vision. You’ll get there. |
|
|
|
Post by elynne on Dec 10, 2020 4:19:06 GMT -5
It took me ages to realize something was wrong (about 10 years in I was at a gala without my husband. A recently divorced man was flirting with me. I kept it light-hearted. I was committed to my marriage. He had asked me what my favorite painting was - As I explained my answer a tear slid down my cheek - I wasn’t crying but it was quite a sincere and heartfelt answer. He reached out and brushed the tear away. It was in that moment, being touched after almost a decade of a sexless marriage that changed everything. I decided it was time to head to my hotel. But inside I melted. My body had reacted to being touched with yearning, desire. I went to bed. Alone. Had intense sexual dreams, woke up orgasming. Went home the next morning and tried to connect with my husband, to displace all of these feelings of longing and desire to the man I was married to. He literally pushed me away. I ended up having a six month affair with the man from the gala. Telling my husband that I was extremely unhappy and if things didn’t change I would have to leave. We entered a year and a half of torturous therapy. My ex was (in addition to being unaffectionate) abusive. It took a year and a half of soul searching, difficult questions, and heartache to come to my realization that divorce was my best option. I can’t explain how terrified I was. I can’t honestly recall how scared I was. It seems almost as if the emotions belong to a different person. My ex had subtly threatened to kill me if I left. He’s a doctor. He mentioned over breakfast that he knew the perfect way to kill someone without a trace, no evidence. Explained it in detail. Stared at me for a long pause. Smiled. Then finished his breakfast. Fast forward two years: I’m dating an incredible man. Literally the best sex of my life. When I was going through therapy with my ex he said to me “If you get your PhD that is a breaking point. It is definitely divorce.” Yesterday had an orientation meeting with the PhD department of the Royal Academy of Art in The Hague. My boyfriend supports me unconditionally. I can’t begin to explain how awful things were or how much easier and more joyful life is now. My relationship with my children has improved dramatically. I sleep well. My self confidence is back. I’m cheerful. I’m excited about the future. There are bits that are hard. Family holidays without family in a foreign country kind of suck. But for me, it was the right choice. For each person it will be different. Just wanted to share that in the middle of my marriage I couldn’t see clearly - I didn’t understand just how bad it was or how much better life could be. I did have a sense that if I didn’t leave when I did that I would not have survived or ever find the strength to leave. I recall when you first came on this board - you seemed so frazzled. It is always a delight when people find a choice that works for them and makes them happy. And incredible sex is a huge bonus too!!!! 😊 |
|
|
|
Post by sadkat on Dec 10, 2020 15:17:38 GMT -5
Beyond frazzled? elynne you were in a state of near despair from what i saw. Now reading your story, I applaud your fortitude in getting out and getting on with life. I also can't help but wonder if I've chosen the wrong path in staying for now. True, the pandemic has halted my job search which is a major factor to me, but I still have to think perhaps I should have decamped to a rented room to get my head together a lot sooner instead of "planning" and getting my ducks in a row. Sigh. Anyway, good for you with your progress. You're an inspiration. I was really at the end of my rope. Hanging on by a thread. I still miss my old house. I miss gatherings of the extended family. I’m angry that my ex seems to be kind to his new girlfriend. Why the fuck couldn’t he be nice to me?! Asshole!!😅 But despite all of that I wouldn’t go back to the way things were. My current partner and I live an hour away from each other. Weeks that I have the kids he usually comes for dinner one evening, we go to our dancing lessons and he spends the night. Weeks that I don’t have the kids we spend more time together. Last weekend we had the house to ourselves, had an amazing dinner, cuddled, watched a film, had marathon sex. He holds me, he loves to hug and cuddle. He strokes my hair. I wish I could describe the feeling- but I feel safe, warm, protected. Unconditionally loved. Amazing how much one’s perspective changes once you begin to heal from the dysfunctional patterns. I used to put 80% of my waking energy into thinking about my ex, trying to fix things, to understand, to please him, to connect, to be noticed. I’ve reached the point where I ask why I stayed so long. Why I tried so hard. He was a crap husband. He was a terrible partner. What was I working so hard to save? The new question turns things upside down. I didn’t fail at the marriage. He failed spectacularly! He failed with a partner who was willing to try anything and kept trying for over a decade. But!!! And this is huge! I wasn’t ready to leave earlier. I didn’t have the support network or friends or courage or financial means to leave earlier. There were a lot of hurdles. I was scared. I didn’t have the right to stay in the country post-divorce. I shook and my palms sweated as I secretly copied financial information to take to my secret meeting with a lawyer to ask if I could divorce my husband. We all make the choices that are correct for us in the moment. We all have different pressures and factors that weigh our decisions. But it was almost impossible for me to see the situation clearly from inside. The actual leaving was a leap of faith. I had support here in ILIASM that was invaluable. I had financial support from my parents for my legal fees. I had a fantastic therapist. I had friends that checked in on me and listened. Focus on the future and what you want. Then make decisions that are consistent with your vision. You’ll get there. Well said! I agree 💯 with this! |
|
|
|
Post by jerri on Dec 10, 2020 16:42:24 GMT -5
I am awake its 3 in the morning.... I ponder if its worth it to stay... worth it to leave... I really don't have answers. The kids are growing up and all I can say to them is do it better than me. Would I be asleep if I felt comfort from the man next to me? The answers will come in time. Cortisol levels can be lowered with phosphatidylserine at bedtime. Cortisol levels will cause excessive thinking at night |
|
|
|
Post by flyingsolo on Mar 26, 2021 20:25:33 GMT -5
I am awake its 3 in the morning.... I ponder if its worth it to stay... worth it to leave... I really don't have answers. The kids are growing up and all I can say to them is do it better than me. Would I be asleep if I felt comfort from the man next to me? So, I like you was in this situation, sleeping alone, my wife choosing to sleep in another bedroom, in an absolutely sexless marriage for four years. If I looked deeper the sexless marriage went back over ten years but she'd throw in a lay now or then to appease me when I complained enough, maybe once every three months or so. I finally asked myself what, exactly and specifically I was getting out of this marriage that enriched my life and made me happy to be with her. I'm a physical touch/words of affirmation love language kind of guy. I got neither. I couldn't tell you the last time my wife gave me a compliment, despite me "bringing home the bacon" and supporting her financially for over 20 years, basically making her a millionaire through very little effort of her own. She was quick to criticize and her negative comments just got to be ridiculous. I looked long and hard for reasons to stay. Other than keeping my family together and avoiding a financial upheaval in dealing with a divorce, I couldn't ultimately find any more reasons to stay. I'm not in love with my wife. I don't find her sexually attractive any longer. If she suddenly wanted to sex me up tomorrow, I'd honestly say no. I've done the counseling, I've worked on myself, I know who I am and what I want in life. A life full of intimacy and being with someone who appreciates me and that I love with all my heart in return were at the top of my list. I filed for divorce about a month ago and honestly it feels like a huge relief. My kids are still reeling a bit, but I know in time they will adjust. Ask yourself why you really stay and are you really happy. Can you honestly live the rest of your life like this? Once you make the decision that you aren't happy and are going to get out of this sexless relationship to ultimately allow yourself to be happy for the rest of your life, it's very liberating. I am sure there will be some bumps along my journey, but I feel like a huge weight has been lifted and I've taken control of my life again. My refuser is not going to dictate my happiness any longer. |
|
|
|
Post by blueguy on Apr 14, 2021 22:17:36 GMT -5
I am awake its 3 in the morning.... I ponder if its worth it to stay... worth it to leave... I really don't have answers. The kids are growing up and all I can say to them is do it better than me. Would I be asleep if I felt comfort from the man next to me? So, I like you was in this situation, sleeping alone, my wife choosing to sleep in another bedroom, in an absolutely sexless marriage for four years. If I looked deeper the sexless marriage went back over ten years but she'd throw in a lay now or then to appease me when I complained enough, maybe once every three months or so. I finally asked myself what, exactly and specifically I was getting out of this marriage that enriched my life and made me happy to be with her. I'm a physical touch/words of affirmation love language kind of guy. I got neither. I couldn't tell you the last time my wife gave me a compliment, despite me "bringing home the bacon" and supporting her financially for over 20 years, basically making her a millionaire through very little effort of her own. She was quick to criticize and her negative comments just got to be ridiculous. I looked long and hard for reasons to stay. Other than keeping my family together and avoiding a financial upheaval in dealing with a divorce, I couldn't ultimately find any more reasons to stay. I'm not in love with my wife. I don't find her sexually attractive any longer. If she suddenly wanted to sex me up tomorrow, I'd honestly say no. I've done the counseling, I've worked on myself, I know who I am and what I want in life. A life full of intimacy and being with someone who appreciates me and that I love with all my heart in return were at the top of my list. I filed for divorce about a month ago and honestly it feels like a huge relief. My kids are still reeling a bit, but I know in time they will adjust. Ask yourself why you really stay and are you really happy. Can you honestly live the rest of your life like this? Once you make the decision that you aren't happy and are going to get out of this sexless relationship to ultimately allow yourself to be happy for the rest of your life, it's very liberating. I am sure there will be some bumps along my journey, but I feel like a huge weight has been lifted and I've taken control of my life again. My refuser is not going to dictate my happiness any longer. I could have written this exact thing flyingsolo! You just described nearly everything that is my marriage and my feelings as well. I am just so afraid at what a divorce would do both to my kids and to my finances. I make considerably more than my wife does and I don’t think I could survive financially from a divorce. I’m looking at either that, or 9 more years until my youngest is an adult. 😢. I feel like I’m in a no win scenario. |
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on May 5, 2021 16:17:50 GMT -5
So, I like you was in this situation, sleeping alone, my wife choosing to sleep in another bedroom, in an absolutely sexless marriage for four years. If I looked deeper the sexless marriage went back over ten years but she'd throw in a lay now or then to appease me when I complained enough, maybe once every three months or so. I finally asked myself what, exactly and specifically I was getting out of this marriage that enriched my life and made me happy to be with her. I'm a physical touch/words of affirmation love language kind of guy. I got neither. I couldn't tell you the last time my wife gave me a compliment, despite me "bringing home the bacon" and supporting her financially for over 20 years, basically making her a millionaire through very little effort of her own. She was quick to criticize and her negative comments just got to be ridiculous. I looked long and hard for reasons to stay. Other than keeping my family together and avoiding a financial upheaval in dealing with a divorce, I couldn't ultimately find any more reasons to stay. I'm not in love with my wife. I don't find her sexually attractive any longer. If she suddenly wanted to sex me up tomorrow, I'd honestly say no. I've done the counseling, I've worked on myself, I know who I am and what I want in life. A life full of intimacy and being with someone who appreciates me and that I love with all my heart in return were at the top of my list. I filed for divorce about a month ago and honestly it feels like a huge relief. My kids are still reeling a bit, but I know in time they will adjust. Ask yourself why you really stay and are you really happy. Can you honestly live the rest of your life like this? Once you make the decision that you aren't happy and are going to get out of this sexless relationship to ultimately allow yourself to be happy for the rest of your life, it's very liberating. I am sure there will be some bumps along my journey, but I feel like a huge weight has been lifted and I've taken control of my life again. My refuser is not going to dictate my happiness any longer. I could have written this exact thing flyingsolo! You just described nearly everything that is my marriage and my feelings as well. I am just so afraid at what a divorce would do both to my kids and to my finances. I make considerably more than my wife does and I don’t think I could survive financially from a divorce. I’m looking at either that, or 9 more years until my youngest is an adult. 😢. I feel like I’m in a no win scenario. I made significantly more than my ex and, yes, she did better than I in the divorce from a financial perspective (I wanted to keep things amicable). But for the love of God, it's just stuff. It's been about 4 years since I left and today I'm doing OK financially. As for the kids, from what I've observed, if they know they are loved by both parents they will also be OK. My older daughter had a rougher time than her brother 4 years her junior. |
|
