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Post by curious81 on Nov 27, 2020 9:58:26 GMT -5
I text my husband today telling him I really miss sex with him. He replied “sorry I’ve been so tired, I’ll take some days off work soon”.
I replied asking how he has energy to watch porn and got no response. I ended up crying to myself for the last hour.
I have this dream that I’m going to lose weight, have my hair done and look amazing but I’m too depressed and end up eating more chocolate 😬
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Post by jim44444 on Nov 27, 2020 12:16:13 GMT -5
I text my husband today telling him I really miss sex with him. He replied “sorry I’ve been so tired, I’ll take some days off work soon”. You have been gaslighted again. Look at his words - “sorry I’ve been so tired, I’ll take some days off work soon”.
He has energy for any thing he wants to do but is too tired to fuck you. and how dare you ask him. If he did not name a specific day or days to take off then he has no real plan of action. "Soon" could be anytime between now and the end of time.I replied asking how he has energy to watch porn and got no response. No response is a complete answer. Again he is telling you with his silence to quit asking. I ended up crying to myself for the last hour. I have this dream that I’m going to lose weight, have my hair done and look amazing but I’m too depressed and end up eating more chocolate 😬 If your dream includes him suddenly being passionate and sexual with you then I fear you are having a nightmare. Lose weight, get your hair done and look amazing for you because it is want you want. What he wants only he can decide.
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Post by Handy on Nov 27, 2020 13:11:22 GMT -5
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Post by baza on Nov 27, 2020 17:00:12 GMT -5
I've got a hypothetical for you Sister curious81 - and a couple of questions. Here's the hypothetical - Your spouse decides that he's going to give up porn, and successfully does so. Having done so he then develops an interest in partnered sex with another person. Further, he develops an interest in having sex with a specific person. That's the hypothesis. Here's the question - On what possible basis would you figure that YOU are going to be that specific person ? Chances are that he can not (or chooses not) to forego his preference for porn. But, if by some astounding turnaround he did do so, it doesn't follow that you would reap any benefit out of it. I think you can pretty much discount the porn issue as a subject worth putting any time and effort into. The resolution to your ILIASM situation lies elsewhere. |
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Post by saarinista on Nov 27, 2020 18:32:57 GMT -5
curious81 my advice to you is to eat a little chocolate, walk to get healthier, keep posting and examinine the idea that you deserve happiness and sex, even if you aren't perfect, because no one is.
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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 27, 2020 20:04:26 GMT -5
I text my husband today telling him I really miss sex with him. He replied “sorry I’ve been so tired, I’ll take some days off work soon”. A couple things: All said with LOVE and understanding. Meant for self improvement to you..... a damaged, hurt soul! You texted him... ever stop and deeply consider why? Why it has to be a text? Why not a face to face? Perhaps you already know the answer... and are afraid to face the true reality? The reality that taking some days off from work means: Sex as part of your daily, normal ,every day routine, can no longer exist. Sex ,for him,has become something much more difficult that has to be planned, so it can then be easily dismissed and avoided. With no cost to him, but mentally abusing to you. He hides behind his work, porn, and computer. You hide behind your texts, tears, and chocolate. This has DARVO written all over it. Deny: He denies that there is any problem, by not even mentioning the sex part. Avoid: No commitment of any kind. No time, place, dates, nothing. Reverse: I've been so tired. Flipping the whole conversation back to himself. Victim: All I do is work, work, work, and you don't appreciate it. So tired! Offender: You offend him by not 'understanding/realizing' that he is always so tired, AND has to take time off just for you! shrink4men.com/2019/11/27/darvo-deny-attack-and-reverse-victim-and-offender-video/Please keep posting. You are living in a FOG (Fear Obligation and Guilt) You will easily need months to see your way through this. Hang in there, get the support you need. Friends, co workers, mentors, counselling, and this site. |
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Post by petrushka on Nov 28, 2020 18:29:12 GMT -5
I text my husband today telling him I really miss sex with him. He replied “sorry I’ve been so tired, I’ll take some days off work soon”. I replied asking how he has energy to watch porn and got no response. I ended up crying to myself for the last hour. I have this dream that I’m going to lose weight, have my hair done and look amazing but I’m too depressed and end up eating more chocolate 😬 You DO realize that the physics law of 'conservation of mass' does not apply to chocolate? I find you can eat 100g of chocolate and put on 1 kg of weight 
love chocolate.
Well chocolate is better than sex with some people, but ... on the whole, not so much. Also, good sex lasts longer (inasmuch as I can remember after 17 years of SM)
item: refusers are never, ever, short of an excuse or a 'reason'. Never. I don't remember one instance of a refuser coming out "I just can't be arsed" or "It's too exhausting". Who knows if they're just fooling themselves as well. But then, who cares. It is what it is. Chasing 'why' is an exercise in futility. That is one experience we have distilled out of years and years of discussion here.
The absolute worst are the abusive ones, the controllers and gaslighters who will respond by making fake accusations, putting you down for emotional or physical faults. Yeesh.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 30, 2020 15:09:32 GMT -5
Classic avoidant behavior.
Get healthy for you if you want that...for you. I know everyone is wired differently but I'm just attracted to things you really can't see. Just skin, intimacy, a warm touch, eye contact...damn now I'm horny. Anyway, do what you're going to do for you. You're not going to uncover a magic "why" that unravels all of your concerns.
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Post by snowman12345 on Nov 30, 2020 19:26:02 GMT -5
Classic avoidant behavior. Get healthy for you if you want that...for you. I know everyone is wired differently but I'm just attracted to things you really can't see. Just skin, intimacy, a warm touch, eye contact...damn now I'm horny. Anyway, do what you're going to do for you. You're not going to uncover a magic "why" that unravels all of your concerns. Chances are even if you find out the why it will not change anything. I know very well the what the why in my SM shithole is (say that 5 times fast). I can't change that, but I can change what I do to compensate for the lack of sex. |
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