more people have been driven mad by guilt than by hoariness.
I can see the connection between guilt and hoariness. You feel a strong sex drive, lust for sex with some one but feel having sex with someone other than your partner is wrong so the guilt builds up for thinking about a random sex partner.
The"just say No" mentality comes with guilt messages for sex and drugs. The anti-sex drive messages many of us hear year after year that tries to say people need to be logical and for men to not think with their "little head" because we should know better and be rational humans and not animals or have a better mental capacity of a dog.
jerri One thing I miss in the write-up by Dr. Mark D. White is the word "implicit". I looked, I looked again, and I don't think I saw it once.
We regularly enter into contracts without writing reems of fine print, because we consider some things to be implicit. One thing
implicit in a marriage contract (an oral contract, people making promises and oaths to each other) is that that some income is
shared. One promise, albeit vague, is to support each other. One is, unless explicitly (!) stated, cohabitation. Often there are promises of
'making you happy'. (wow, that's a tall one!).
Can we safely assume that one implicit promise is "there shall be sex"?
I think we all here can probably agree on the latter. So, does that throw a different light on Dr. White's wondering out loud if non delivery
of sex is as big a fraud as going outside the relationship?
I have pondered this from time to time (usually in the middle of a sleepless night). I manage to be gracious about it 99% of the time, but
occasionally, when I'm feeling a little depressed, the thought intrudes: "I've been rolled".
It's absurd to expect sex from someone who doesn't want to have it with you. It's absurd to expect that sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with you is going to result in good sex.
It's more likely that it will end up being used as a demonstration of how little that person wants sex with you. It will also be a demonstration to the aversely inclined person that you are more than willing to have sex with anyone - given that you would have sex with someone who doesn't want it. It becomes proof of your perversion and a further weapon to be used to justify how ill-suited you are as a partner.
I think you need to go bigger than Dr. White's thesis as to whether or not someone who withdraws sex has transgressed some obligation. This implies that something as simple as a change of behaviour is needed.
To me, going bigger means : Does the relationship you have - from your perspective and hers - resemble a marriage? Would either of you say a celibate partnership is a marriage? If not that, what is it?
In my case, my direction became much more clear and the suffering of indecision eased, when I realized the marriage was a fantasy we were both lying about. The reality was that the marriage part of the relationship was over, and whatever was left more resembled a somewhat amicable or cooperative close separation. Taking sex out of the equation - meaning recognizing what had already happened - that I no longer had a sexual relationship with that woman - changed my expectations of the relationship and prevented a perpetual state of fresh disappointment and injury. It allowed me to move beyond a state of perpetual grievance - which I don't think Dr. White's thesis allows.
jerri: Anyone with a birthday in November? worksforme2 has one on the 28th Yay!! @missunnybunny, Hope it was grand!!!
Oct 30, 2021 3:29:31 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: jerri, I had a wonderful birthday, thank you! Wishing everyone here a Happy Halloween!
Oct 31, 2021 15:29:33 GMT -5
worksforme2: Moving right along,..received my 1st Moderna booster this morning,...Fauci is going to have to work harder to kill me
Nov 4, 2021 9:45:10 GMT -5
worksforme2: Happy Birthday tiredoftears,.....I hope life is treating you well....
Nov 8, 2021 6:07:34 GMT -5
worksforme2: It's 6:30am and looking out the window I see the dark forms of my trees against the pale blue background of the sky....I like it....
Nov 8, 2021 6:33:22 GMT -5
mirrororchid: It begins again. *REFUSED* Season 2 - refusedpodcast.com - Trailer and Episode 14 "Only So Good", now available for download.
Nov 8, 2021 19:24:13 GMT -5
worksforme2: Hey mirrororchid,....Happy Birthday...and don't try to get out of it
Nov 11, 2021 12:31:11 GMT -5
mirrororchid: Much thanks, WorksForMe2. T'was pretty good. Little celebrations three days in a row, this year.
Nov 12, 2021 4:32:23 GMT -5
jerri: worksforme2 you paint a lovely picture and Happy Birthday on the 28th!! Let's don't forget his birthday he looks for ours up here almost every day! Thanks, mirrororchid.
Nov 17, 2021 3:34:35 GMT -5
worksforme2: Happy Birthday baza, I hope you can dodge the lockdown long enough to go out for dinner....
Nov 22, 2021 8:44:29 GMT -5
jerri: Happy Birthday, Baza!!!! yay
Nov 23, 2021 3:12:48 GMT -5
worksforme2: Happy Thanksgiving to one and all...
Nov 25, 2021 7:27:40 GMT -5
jerri: Happy Birthday, worksforme2 Hope it's a great one!!!
Nov 28, 2021 3:54:39 GMT -5
worksforme2: Thanks jerri....I will be preparing meals for a food ministry that my church helps sponsor...
Nov 28, 2021 11:49:30 GMT -5
mirrororchid: Missed it by a day, Jerri. (I'm typically offline weekends.) Happy Birthday, WorksForMe2. Thank you for the kind wishes you send to everyone in our dysfunctional-but-getting-better family.
Nov 29, 2021 4:46:45 GMT -5
worksforme2: Thanks mirrororchid..I'm having my extendeen famil over thius weekend for Thanksgiving, no competition with the moms and grandmoms that way....the bad part, giving the whole house a good cleaning so the kids can play all over the place
Nov 30, 2021 5:02:35 GMT -5
mirrororchid: WorksForMe2, Our cleanup just got junked up by piling Xmas decorations everywhere in living room. Difficult come, easy go.
Dec 6, 2021 12:49:48 GMT -5