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Post by angeleyes65 on Nov 9, 2020 21:16:35 GMT -5
Holidays are still a bit of a struggle for me.
Little back story. I don't live near family so unless we went "home," holidays was just my kids and my ex. Even when they were adults but add in their significant others
Now the kids have to go to 3 houses we are as flexible as we can be to take some pressure off them . I guess it's just so different now. Awkward , no real traditions. Trying to make new ones. My boyfriend isn't my kids father so they don't exchange gifts. Although they like each other it just feels weird to me. My grandson isn't his grandson.
He does Thanksgiving with me and my kids. Then he does it again with his kids at a restaurant because his daughter will not come to " our " house and has no desire to meet me. Luckily his son is more flexible but the daughter controls the holidays with her refusal to bend. And their mom's plans always come first because she's alone. And then the son has his girlfriends family in another state.
Anyone else out and happy but dread the holidays?
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Post by worksforme2 on Nov 9, 2020 21:26:48 GMT -5
More of the same here except no hostility in the blended and extended families. I don't try to compete with the grandmothers and ex-wives. I usually pick a date when my house is the only stop that day. One of the benefits of being retired.
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Post by worksforme2 on Nov 10, 2020 6:22:49 GMT -5
I probably dreaded them more when I was still hooked to the ball + chain, but I do sorta still dread them... What adult male does not dread the holiday's? Santa maybe...... |
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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 30, 2020 20:23:08 GMT -5
Holidays are still a bit of a struggle for me. Little back story. I don't live near family so unless we went "home," holidays was just my kids and my ex. Even when they were adults but add in their significant others Now the kids have to go to 3 houses we are as flexible as we can be to take some pressure off them . I guess it's just so different now. Awkward , no real traditions. Trying to make new ones. My boyfriend isn't my kids father so they don't exchange gifts. Although they like each other it just feels weird to me. My grandson isn't his grandson. He does Thanksgiving with me and my kids. Then he does it again with his kids at a restaurant because his daughter will not come to " our " house and has no desire to meet me. Luckily his son is more flexible but the daughter controls the holidays with her refusal to bend. And their mom's plans always come first because she's alone. And then the son has his girlfriends family in another state. Anyone else out and happy but dread the holidays? My holidays are getting better. How? More the 'norm' that I want! This year I decided to buy myself a Christmas tree. Not one for the whole family, like it's been for my entire life. I purchased a white,small pre lit ,more modern looking tree. One that fits MY style of decorating. Due to my divorce I left behind 25 yrs of Christmas decorations. And all the memories, good and bad. It didn't take a divorce to do this. I would have wanted to downsize, a smaller house/apartment, no longer all about the kids, more about us. H and W. The couple. However..... the 'couple' portion ended LONG ago! So now, me and my woman have a new beginning....together. OH yes.... the sex and intimacy!!! So different than the decades of putting myself last. Holidays do get better! |
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Post by angeleyes65 on Nov 30, 2020 20:40:40 GMT -5
greatcoastal- funny story. I also left my tree and ornaments. My son got the most important ornaments out of the house for me. Then I had a " 2018 couple ornament made. And my daughter made me one for my grandson. They all got lost in the move. That's not the funny part. At Thanksgiving my bf ex gave the kids ( adults) a box for him stuff she wanted out of the house. It was all the drum/ music related ornaments including one she cross stitched for him. I hung it on the tree. I have the feeling she had a chuckle when she put it in the box but jokes on her didn't bother me at all.
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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 30, 2020 21:00:10 GMT -5
greatcoastal - funny story. I also left my tree and ornaments. My son got the most important ornaments out of the house for me. Then I had a " 2018 couple ornament made. And my daughter made me one for my grandson. They all got lost in the move. That's not the funny part. At Thanksgiving my bf ex gave the kids ( adults) a box for him stuff she wanted out of the house. It was all the drum/ music related ornaments including one she cross stitched for him. I hung it on the tree. I have the feeling she had a chuckle when she put it in the box but jokes on her didn't bother me at all. Personally I thought our tree ended up being too... eclectic? 16 ft. tall, years and years of kids homemade/church/school/ ornaments ( that they no longer cared about,and acted embarrassed to see them every year) a small collection of different Hallmark Star Trek ornaments, larger ornaments,that looked better on a bigger tree,after we moved to a house with such a big room and tall 2 story ceiling,etc... All the other...stuff (decorations for every room) It's a nice change to come to grips with the thought that "it doesn't have to be like that" and the house can still be decorated. I'm glad you hung it on the tree, make it brand new again. Give the old a new life! What I do now won't bother anyone, because my old, past family,wont be a part of it. Life goes on...pleasantly! I did bring my big 4 x 8' yard signs with me PEACE JOY LOVE. Those where 100% my doing, and I wanted to continue a tradition that I created. Not something I felt forced to do, to please "the family". { Not to sound mad and angry about 'family'..far from it! Instead there's peace in coming to the realization that not all families are all wonderful. Some can become down right toxic....Here's to new beginnings} |
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Post by ironhamster on Dec 11, 2020 4:31:10 GMT -5
This year, holidays are going to be weird. Nobody will be traveling back to my hometown, except by Zoom meeting. My ex has seen fit to poison our kids minds, so I have no contact with them. I will send a gift to my youngest, who will not respond, and my eldest has not given me any forwarding address or any other contact info. I'm hoping the ChiCom flu has subsided by next Christmas. Less likely, I am still hopeful my kids will think through things and restore contact with me. Time will tell.
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Post by angeleyes65 on Dec 11, 2020 14:12:43 GMT -5
Just to give you some hope my friend also on this forum has 4 kids the boys were fine. The one daughter was not talking to him and the other daughter was leaning that way heavily and my just recently it all turned around for the better!
And my bf didn't have to fight to see his daughter this Thanksgiving and she gave him a Christmas wish list so that's looking up.
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Post by saarinista on Dec 11, 2020 14:22:23 GMT -5
Even if you stay married, kid relationships in a strained marriage can suck, too.
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 12, 2020 10:27:40 GMT -5
This year, holidays are going to be weird. Nobody will be traveling back to my hometown, except by Zoom meeting. My ex has seen fit to poison our kids minds, so I have no contact with them. I will send a gift to my youngest, who will not respond, and my eldest has not given me any forwarding address or any other contact info. I'm hoping the ChiCom flu has subsided by next Christmas. Less likely, I am still hopeful my kids will think through things and restore contact with me. Time will tell. I can relate. Yes it's weird, and perplexing. It can really be a complete mind f*** ,if you let it. I think back ,how my ex said " your father divorced me first". ( trying to shift all the blame on me, and away from her) And yet she found it perfectly fine to tell me, " I detached myself from you years ago". Such double standards. You and I are in the same boat, after 25 yrs of being Mr stay at home dad/homeschooler, and having my daughters appear to lean towards relating much better with their dad, it all ended...... Still a big mystery. ( the poisoning of the mind. Lord knows how much more, it will continue) I expect zero communication from my 5 kids (adult children) while my troubled son (bipolar) lives with me. Will our kids, eventually 'see the light' and think things through? I have read articles that say the odds are in our favor. Also to be ready for the possibility that they will never come back. The bad part about "time will tell" is all of that lost time, that you will not get back. What gives me peace, is to not feel the gult, and shame for it, because It's their decision. My door remains open. Fortunately there are others in my life to help make things complete. I'm at home wrapping gifts for my son and my woman, and placing them under the tree in my own living room. Good times ahead! Side note: If it makes you feel any better, pat yourself on the back for all the years that you hung in there and smoothed over a rough situation, for the good of 'the family'. Also there's comfort in knowing that they are now old enough to not be home anymore and aren't really that interested in mom and dad's problems, as they deal with their own. I gave my kids that freedom. I look forward to the day when they can be glad for their dad and that I am treated much better in my new relationship. And for them to see a good example of how I treat my woman. |
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Post by sadkat on Dec 14, 2020 20:45:52 GMT -5
Xmas time coping strategy: Xmas Parodies! This was very entertaining! 😂😂 |
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 27, 2020 9:50:15 GMT -5
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