|
|
Post by lessingham on Oct 29, 2020 7:05:59 GMT -5
My sisters have set up a whatsapp group this year to keep in touch. From the get go it has been difficult, they accusing me of being sexist and a buffoon. Everything I say is wrong or flippant. I have struggled with it but today gave up. I do not know who is right or wrong, maybe they are right but it has driven me to distraction. Everything they believe is golden, my views are bigoted. All men are bastards, all women superstars. Mum was a saint, she fucked me up but they care not.
I do not know who is right or wrong. My son gave up on them years ago when they never visited him at college, though he was 20 miles away. Hell, they would not even drive him to the station when he visited.
Who is right, who needs to take a long look in the mirror? I try hard to be honest and truthful, I try hard to be sympathetic but feel angry being cut from the loop. My sister was married to a right bastard but never told me. When she left him she Did not tell me. And suddenly I am supposed to be full on sympathy from knowing nothing! I offered to survey her house for her when she bought it, she did not even reply. The family has "secrets" that only they are allowed to know and then I get attacked for not knowing. I only discovered my brother's suicide attempt of 30 years ago last year. The stuff was not given over my breakdown and five years in therapy.
Maybe I am a shit and they do not feel I deserve to know. But I am sick of being on the outside of the tent, trying to get in.
But I can no longer talk to them and I am no longer visiting the site. I have driven them away or they me.
Judt need to get this off my chest.
|
|
|
|
Post by baza on Oct 29, 2020 18:22:16 GMT -5
Good to get it off your chest Brother lessingham . Quoting you here - "Who is right, who needs to take a long look in the mirror?"In these dysfunctional situations, it doesn't matter a rats arse who is "right" (or "wrong") But it is YOUR job to look in YOUR mirror, and THEIR job to look into THEIR mirror. It is NOT your job to look in their mirror, nor is it their job to look in to yours. It's not your job to try and convince these dickheads that they are "wrong" (or "right") either. Nor is it your job to take on board their views in lieu of yours. Sort your own shit out Brother, that's all you can do. Sort it out, and you'll get a truth based outcome. And the truth is neither "right" (or "wrong") - it is just the truth. Some relationships will be enhanced as a result of that process. Some relationships will be redefined as a result of that process. Some relationships will falter under that process. Some relationships will end as a result of that process. |
|
|
|
Post by mirrororchid on Oct 29, 2020 20:24:47 GMT -5
My sisters have set up a whatsapp group this year to keep in touch. From the get go it has been difficult, they accusing me of being sexist and a buffoon. Everything I say is wrong or flippant. I have struggled with it but today gave up. I do not know who is right or wrong, maybe they are right but it has driven me to distraction. Everything they believe is golden, my views are bigoted. All men are bastards, all women superstars. Mum was a saint, she fucked me up but they care not. I do not know who is right or wrong. My son gave up on them years ago when they never visited him at college, though he was 20 miles away. Hell, they would not even drive him to the station when he visited. Who is right, who needs to take a long look in the mirror? I try hard to be honest and truthful, I try hard to be sympathetic but feel angry being cut from the loop. My sister was married to a right bastard but never told me. When she left him she Did not tell me. And suddenly I am supposed to be full on sympathy from knowing nothing! I offered to survey her house for her when she bought it, she did not even reply. The family has "secrets" that only they are allowed to know and then I get attacked for not knowing. I only discovered my brother's suicide attempt of 30 years ago last year. The stuff was not given over my breakdown and five years in therapy. Maybe I am a shit and they do not feel I deserve to know. But I am sick of being on the outside of the tent, trying to get in. But I can no longer talk to them and I am no longer visiting the site. I have driven them away or they me. Just need to get this off my chest. Sisters that dump on you? Wife that dumps on you? Do I see a pattern here? Lately, you've meant to hold some boundaries firm with the Mrs. With practice, you may find the confidence needed to include your sisters in your life (to whatever degree you're interested in.) How goes your efforts building a more egalitarian marriage with the wife? Still finding the nerve to identify your own willingness to engage and stop when unreasonable requests arise? It may translate well with others inclined to exploit your indulgence. Someday, perhaps you'll sign on to Whatsapp, they'll misunderstand you aren't the cringing brother anymore and you'll sign off two minutes later, "Well, that was uncalled for. Catch you next time." See if they get the hint. If there's no improvement, it seems safe to assume it's deliberate and hostile and you're well off creating distance. These relations have grown accustomed to a toxic dynamic you have the power to reject. If they value it, they should be willing to compromise to a new relationship that doesn't depend on kicking you around. Always be ready to leave. It was how my wife finally taught my daughter to stop being nasty. It shouldn't have been necessary, but slowly, it worked. |
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Oct 30, 2020 12:52:24 GMT -5
My divorce shed light on the fact that my now ex wife took a lot of advice and influence from her older sister and mother. Even though she "claimed" to "not be like them".
What's that saying? " The apple doesn't fall far from the tree".
|
|
|
|
Post by lessingham on Nov 2, 2020 4:10:55 GMT -5
Mirrors are dangerous. There is the danger you look into one from the Snow Queen and all that is good is distorted. You can look into the wrong message from therapy and see only good, the bad is other people's opinions. But the question of what is true has bothered us siblnce Socrates and Plato.
I can only go by the sense of relief from not reading my sister's comments and the suspicion I was hearing my mother's views of me from a younger generation
|
|
|
|
Post by deadzone75 on Jan 9, 2021 1:22:54 GMT -5
Anytime you look in a mirror, you can find reasons to not like who is looking back at you.
|
|
