Post by Chatter Fox on Oct 14, 2020 22:16:50 GMT -5
A bit premature given that it's not truly 3 years yet. I still have about 20 days to hit that milestone but its close enough. Yes, it's been very close to 3 years since our last intimate encounter. And this will most definitely be a new record in our 15 years of marriage.
Sadly, I haven't even asked once over those 3 years.
I dont want her.
Not one bit.
Shes been showing me signs of wanting to have some sort of sexual encounter but that ship has sailed.
I get it.
I dont need any explanation.
And I'm not interested.
It's not her fault. But something is definitely wrong.
Its not my fault either. I'm not perfect but I'm good enough to be deserving of a reasonable sex life.
We had a good sex life before marriage but as i got more devoted, sex dwindled accordingly. It got to the point where she didnt even want sex on the honeymoon. Sex as newlyweds was more akin to sex as seasoned married couples with decades under their belt. Our baseline level of romance has been disappointing to say the least.
I know that I choose to stay. Its voluntary. I have my reasons. They are good reasons. But I'm not interested in trying to "fix" anything until she recognizes the amount of fixing that is required on her end. And asking her to dig deep for real answers is like pulling teeth. So I'm just... done.
The only thing that keeps me going is that I don't believe that the grass is greener on the other side. I'm just soured on romantic relationships in general. So... I'm not sure why I allow myself to fixate on that cute divorved woman in my Facebook friend list that has the sexy smile. Or the woman I met on similarworlds that actually genuinely seemed to be turned on by me.
Clearly I'm confused. Maybe the grass IS greener? Maybe not? ...and this is where those of us in a SM spend the majority of our time residing. The "what if"? Its a strong force and it pulls on us. It tries to tear us from the forces of family that we've built over the years. I don't want to lose the daily interaction with my kids. I dont want to trade a subpar spouse for a world class enemy. ...but God dammit... I'm so lonely and in such need of someone that will just have a genuine desire to run their fingernails gently up and down my bare back as I run my fingers through her hair... and we have a deep meaningful conversation.
Sadly, I haven't even asked once over those 3 years.
I dont want her.
Not one bit.
Shes been showing me signs of wanting to have some sort of sexual encounter but that ship has sailed.
I get it.
I dont need any explanation.
And I'm not interested.
It's not her fault. But something is definitely wrong.
Its not my fault either. I'm not perfect but I'm good enough to be deserving of a reasonable sex life.
We had a good sex life before marriage but as i got more devoted, sex dwindled accordingly. It got to the point where she didnt even want sex on the honeymoon. Sex as newlyweds was more akin to sex as seasoned married couples with decades under their belt. Our baseline level of romance has been disappointing to say the least.
I know that I choose to stay. Its voluntary. I have my reasons. They are good reasons. But I'm not interested in trying to "fix" anything until she recognizes the amount of fixing that is required on her end. And asking her to dig deep for real answers is like pulling teeth. So I'm just... done.
The only thing that keeps me going is that I don't believe that the grass is greener on the other side. I'm just soured on romantic relationships in general. So... I'm not sure why I allow myself to fixate on that cute divorved woman in my Facebook friend list that has the sexy smile. Or the woman I met on similarworlds that actually genuinely seemed to be turned on by me.
Clearly I'm confused. Maybe the grass IS greener? Maybe not? ...and this is where those of us in a SM spend the majority of our time residing. The "what if"? Its a strong force and it pulls on us. It tries to tear us from the forces of family that we've built over the years. I don't want to lose the daily interaction with my kids. I dont want to trade a subpar spouse for a world class enemy. ...but God dammit... I'm so lonely and in such need of someone that will just have a genuine desire to run their fingernails gently up and down my bare back as I run my fingers through her hair... and we have a deep meaningful conversation.