Trust.

For me it got way worse before it got better. I didn't know if it was ok to snuggle, touch, kiss... even though we had been together for a long time I felt like I had just met him and I didn't know what he liked or wanted.

I would also come in and out of anger, but I just suppressed it. Anger turned into depression when I felt like I had no control and was just stuck. I went through the phase where I didn't want him if he didn't want me.

I pulled away and he started pulling me closer little by little we got intimacy without sex.
Then I decided l would do my best to be kind and considerate. I was able to be kinder when I was getting sex elsewhere! So much resentment just melted. It was really nice to work on our marriages with another sexless man! I no longer felt alone. It was also nice to work with a mentor who was sexless because of his wife's terminal cancer, but she encouraged and helped him look for a playmate.

Fast forward another decade and we are very kind and loving to each other. I don't think I will get sex, and that's okay because I can get it elsewhere.

ETA: At first, when I was getting shagged elsewhere because of the backwards way I did it. (Blurting out Ione morning that I could no longer go without intimacy and sex, he was beyond angry and we switched roles.  l  was calm and collected and the only one being kind at the time.