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Trust.
Oct 1, 2020 13:42:03 GMT -5
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Post by DryCreek on Oct 1, 2020 13:42:03 GMT -5
I definitely get this. There is no upside. Best case scenario is that it doesn't result in an argument. I’ve tried to explain this, and she just doesn’t get it. When the range of outcomes is between neutral and Very Bad... doing nothing is a much safer, reliable path. That’s not the person I want to be. But it is the person she’s trained me to be.
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Post by snowman12345 on Oct 12, 2020 18:35:29 GMT -5
For me it got way worse before it got better. I didn't know if it was ok to snuggle, touch, kiss... even though we had been together for a long time I felt like I had just met him and I didn't know what he liked or wanted. I would also come in and out of anger, but I just suppressed it. Anger turned into depression when I felt like I had no control and was just stuck. I went through the phase where I didn't want him if he didn't want me. I pulled away and he started pulling me closer little by little we got intimacy without sex. Then I decided l would do my best to be kind and considerate. I was able to be kinder when I was getting sex elsewhere! So much resentment just melted. It was really nice to work on our marriages with another sexless man! I no longer felt alone. It was also nice to work with a mentor who was sexless because of his wife's terminal cancer, but she encouraged and helped him look for a playmate. Fast forward another decade and we are very kind and loving to each other. I don't think I will get sex, and that's okay because I can get it elsewhere. ETA: At first, when I was getting shagged elsewhere because of the backwards way I did it. (Blurting out Ione morning that I could no longer go without intimacy and sex, he was beyond angry and we switched roles. l was calm and collected and the only one being kind at the time. "I was able to be kinder when I was getting sex elsewhere!" I am the same way now. At first the sex I got elsewhere caused resentment - finally getting what I had been robbed of, it made me angry. Now, I can be kinder to her, but I am also less caring about what I say as I don't have to worry about saying something that will prevent me from getting laid. I can't bring myself to trust her - she views our relationship as a competition that she must win. So, why give her fuel for the fire?
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Post by jerri on Oct 12, 2020 19:08:25 GMT -5
For me it got way worse before it got better. I didn't know if it was ok to snuggle, touch, kiss... even though we had been together for a long time I felt like I had just met him and I didn't know what he liked or wanted. I would also come in and out of anger, but I just suppressed it. Anger turned into depression when I felt like I had no control and was just stuck. I went through the phase where I didn't want him if he didn't want me. I pulled away and he started pulling me closer little by little we got intimacy without sex. Then I decided l would do my best to be kind and considerate. I was able to be kinder when I was getting sex elsewhere! So much resentment just melted. It was really nice to work on our marriages with another sexless man! I no longer felt alone. It was also nice to work with a mentor who was sexless because of his wife's terminal cancer, but she encouraged and helped him look for a playmate. Fast forward another decade and we are very kind and loving to each other. I don't think I will get sex, and that's okay because I can get it elsewhere. ETA: At first, when I was getting shagged elsewhere because of the backwards way I did it. (Blurting out Ione morning that I could no longer go without intimacy and sex, he was beyond angry and we switched roles. l was calm and collected and the only one being kind at the time. "I was able to be kinder when I was getting sex elsewhere!" I am the same way now. At first the sex I got elsewhere caused resentment - finally getting what I had been robbed of, it made me angry. Now, I can be kinder to her, but I am also less caring about what I say as I don't have to worry about saying something that will prevent me from getting laid. I can't bring myself to trust her - she views our relationship as a competition that she must win. So, why give her fuel for the fire? Good for you! Empwering
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