Sort of wondering about this and the "Just GO!" command. If and when the spouse tells you to leave, what do you do? Do you go? Sit tight and weather the shit storm of abuse? Or pack a bag and go? What goes in the bag, a suitcase of clothes and essentials? Do you hire a van and take your stuff, or collect it from the lawn? If you saw the writing on the wall would you start to move items into a storage facility. I assume you would not have a place to go to so would be living in a hotel or whatever. Are the subsequent revisits to collect battlefields or are you allowed to go when tbe house is empty? Weird, the things you think about at 3am
If my wife told me to leave and I wasn't ready to, I'd tell her that this is my house too and she can't force me out of it. I'd also tell her she is welcome to leave if she wants.
If I WAS leaving, it would be for good. No going back later to get my stuff. I have sold and thrown out a lot of my things over the last two years. My personal belongings are now quite few and easily fit into my one room apartment in my basement. I've become a minimalist in the process. I predict I could fit everything I care about in two minu van loads. I'd move out in one day and never come back.
Giving an angry spouse full unsupervised control over your things even for a short period of time is just asking for trouble and a front yard bonfire of your things.
I think a secretive well planed preparation ahead of time is much wiser. Then tell them and leave and be separated never to return. It just makes it harder for everyone when it takes months to get all your stuff.
It seems that part of a well developed exit plan would cover what needs to be taken. Put all important papers in one spot to be grabbed easily. Decide what is a must have that can be taken quickly. Keep a secret stash of extra cash. Your fishing poles or your Hummel figurines may have current value to you today but are they of high importance when making a quick getaway?
"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."
Like Brother jim44444 says, these questions Brother lessingham raises are really self interrogatives.
As you get your legal advice, knock your exit strategy into shape, get feedback from your support network etc, then "YOU" start finding YOUR answers to these questions.
You may - or may not - ever action your plan, but it is imperative that you have such a plan, for one good reason, that being that ALL marriages end, every last one of them. Death or divorce see to that.
Under current worldwide conditions, death may be a bigger factor than it was say a year ago.
ScottinTN If my wife told me to leave and I wasn't ready to, I'd tell her that this is my house too and she can't force me out of it. I'd also tell her she is welcome to leave if she wants. ...................................................................................... Giving an angry spouse full unsupervised control over your things even for a short period of time is just asking for trouble and a front yard bonfire of your things.
^^^^^^^ This is good advice!
OTH, "IF" yu want to leave that bad, you might miss some legal issues at your expense if you suddenly left the family home on a whim or impulse.
If I left my W in a hurry I would take some things so I could get some sleep, copies of all assets and financial-legal documents and things that are near and dear to you, should your wife take revenge on your possessions Some women have been know to set fire to a leaving spouse's things or just dump the possessions on the sidewalk or in the yard-alley or trash.
What you might consider is renting a storage unit and placing your stuff worth keeping there a couple of weeks before you leave.
Still the best advice is what I bolded above.
One thing I have slowly learned is to stand up for myself more than I did 5 years ago. If you don't often times the shit sandwich you have now could repeat itself with someone new.
Some people are never happy so learn how to deal with that type of person now. It will be to your advantage in the long run.
Another thing I have done to downsize is to digitize (scan) every important document in the house. I was able to get rid of 3 or 4 totes of papers that way. And now they are easily accessible from anywhere. At least by me that is. Lol
Also makes it easier in the future. If she needs copies of things, I can just email her a copy and avoid hand delivering them wondering if I'll ever get them back.
A friend of mine told me of his grandfather. At the end of WW2 he fled Lithuania to avoid the Red Army. He arrivex at tbe line between the East and American zones of partitioned Germany, carrying his worldly goods in a suitcase. The GI refused him passage as no refugees were allowed without papers. "I am not a refugee I went for a walk and got lost." "What's that?" asked the GI, pointing to the case. His grandfather, without hesitation, threw it over a wall. "What's what?" Laughing, the GI let him through. That ability to throw away mere stuff for a life awed me. I can leave with a suitcase of clothes, my Kindle and my car. The rest is "stuff."
Sort of wondering about this and the "Just GO!" command. If and when the spouse tells you to leave, what do you do? Do you go? Sit tight and weather the shit storm of abuse? ...would you start to move items into a storage facility. I assume you would not have a place to go to so would be living in a hotel or whatever. ...
0:48 addresses your question.
As for the "shitstorm of abuse"? Elaborate.
Time to give you some ammo. I get the feeling your wife is used to you just accepting punches (maybe just verbal ones, but husband beaters exist and it's her shame, not the husband's). Time for her to get a nasty shock. (legal or rhetorical.)
I'm tired of hearing you this miserable. Let's level up.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
petrushka: One of my favourite quotes for the last 30 years: "don't ever look a sheep in the eyes, the intellectual vacuum may suck your brains out". Well, let's all drink to the sheeple! (besides, alcohol is a good disinfectant).
Mar 14, 2020 6:31:26 GMT -5
frednsa: so...............i'd like to tell her when she "attempts to placate me": have you ever been invited to a party where you knew for certain that you WEREN'T wanted ?
Mar 19, 2020 15:57:05 GMT -5
worksforme2: Former Miss Hawaii tests positive. Being the gallant lad that I am I have offered her the use of my guest bedroom to "shelter in place"..
Mar 23, 2020 20:34:21 GMT -5
worksforme2: Hey tamara68, there is a covid19 positive cat in Belgium, watch out for it.
Mar 30, 2020 14:05:56 GMT -5
tamara68: @worksforme I think I have to be more careful for all infected people. Most likely I already have Covid19
Apr 1, 2020 3:29:42 GMT -5
worksforme2: tamara68.....it's been a couple weeks since you posted you may have the covid19 virus. hopefully you are feeling better and are on your way to renewed health
Apr 11, 2020 5:31:38 GMT -5
tamara68: @worksforme thanks, yes I am feeling better. How is it in the USA?
Apr 14, 2020 1:57:26 GMT -5
worksforme2: some better and some worse,..virus seems to be slowing down, but people are beginning to refuse to stay inside,...worst thing I see is Biden leading in the election poles,...but that could be fake news
Apr 20, 2020 16:56:22 GMT -5
mirrororchid: Politics? Is that what we want to happen here?
Apr 21, 2020 6:21:24 GMT -5
petrushka: Certainly not American style politics. Toxic echo chambers.
Apr 23, 2020 16:21:52 GMT -5
petrushka: However, I feel that sexual politics, including political moves that impact the relationships between gender (misogynist, misandrist, etc) definitely deserve room in this context.
Apr 23, 2020 16:22:59 GMT -5
fred: just calculated that i've spent somewhere near 19,000 days (& nights) as a "rejectee".AND that allows for 2,000+ days (& nights) on business travel apart from her. i've chosen to "stay" .....would never do that again, and can't as you see doing the math
May 15, 2020 18:01:15 GMT -5
worksforme2: 19000 days and nights,....damn dude, that's 52 yrs.
Jun 17, 2020 9:19:10 GMT -5
fred: you're a little short works - was thinking this AM, there has NEVER been a day when she indicated desire for me physically (other than for heavy lifting or finance)........LOL...........earlier, i had enough libido for both of us, now i'm left with guilt
Jun 20, 2020 13:11:12 GMT -5
fred: over imposing myself on her rather than simply leaving .....DAMN LOVE ANYWAY !
Jun 20, 2020 13:12:12 GMT -5
mesulina: update everyone, still has not happened. I have now come to accept that I will live with out. It is just different now.
Jun 29, 2020 19:32:31 GMT -5
worksforme2: Sorry mesulina,... but on the positive side you did stock up on toys a short time back,..now might be the time to go for the gusto
Jun 30, 2020 17:42:54 GMT -5
grower: Embrace a change, you will wonder why you waited so long
Jul 9, 2020 11:22:56 GMT -5
grower: Your life clock is ticking away, don't waste all your time. Live some.
Jul 24, 2020 9:53:20 GMT -5
fred: blue guy, i was where you are 30 years ago. stayed.................nothing changed. if i didn't love this nice lady so much i'd be in deep regret. if she doesn't think of you in a hundred "other" ways (as does my wife) GET OUT ! Life is short
Aug 10, 2020 17:43:15 GMT -5