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Post by lessingham on Aug 1, 2020 2:55:59 GMT -5
Sort of wondering about this and the "Just GO!" command. If and when the spouse tells you to leave, what do you do? Do you go? Sit tight and weather the shit storm of abuse? Or pack a bag and go?
What goes in the bag, a suitcase of clothes and essentials? Do you hire a van and take your stuff, or collect it from the lawn? If you saw the writing on the wall would you start to move items into a storage facility.
I assume you would not have a place to go to so would be living in a hotel or whatever.
Are the subsequent revisits to collect battlefields or are you allowed to go when tbe house is empty?
Weird, the things you think about at 3am
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Post by ScottDinTN on Aug 1, 2020 10:55:25 GMT -5
If my wife told me to leave and I wasn't ready to, I'd tell her that this is my house too and she can't force me out of it. I'd also tell her she is welcome to leave if she wants.
If I WAS leaving, it would be for good. No going back later to get my stuff. I have sold and thrown out a lot of my things over the last two years. My personal belongings are now quite few and easily fit into my one room apartment in my basement. I've become a minimalist in the process. I predict I could fit everything I care about in two minu van loads. I'd move out in one day and never come back.
Giving an angry spouse full unsupervised control over your things even for a short period of time is just asking for trouble and a front yard bonfire of your things.
I think a secretive well planed preparation ahead of time is much wiser. Then tell them and leave and be separated never to return. It just makes it harder for everyone when it takes months to get all your stuff.
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Post by jim44444 on Aug 1, 2020 16:04:23 GMT -5
It seems that part of a well developed exit plan would cover what needs to be taken. Put all important papers in one spot to be grabbed easily.
Decide what is a must have that can be taken quickly. Keep a secret stash of extra cash. Your fishing poles or your Hummel figurines may have current value to you today but are they of high importance when making a quick getaway?
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Post by baza on Aug 1, 2020 18:34:14 GMT -5
Like Brother jim44444 says, these questions Brother lessingham raises are really self interrogatives. As you get your legal advice, knock your exit strategy into shape, get feedback from your support network etc, then "YOU" start finding YOUR answers to these questions. You may - or may not - ever action your plan, but it is imperative that you have such a plan, for one good reason, that being that ALL marriages end, every last one of them. Death or divorce see to that. Under current worldwide conditions, death may be a bigger factor than it was say a year ago. |
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Post by Handy on Aug 1, 2020 19:47:23 GMT -5
ScottinTN
If my wife told me to leave and I wasn't ready to, I'd tell her that this is my house too and she can't force me out of it. I'd also tell her she is welcome to leave if she wants.
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Giving an angry spouse full unsupervised control over your things even for a short period of time is just asking for trouble and a front yard bonfire of your things. ^^^^^^^ This is good advice! OTH, "IF" yu want to leave that bad, you might miss some legal issues at your expense if you suddenly left the family home on a whim or impulse. If I left my W in a hurry I would take some things so I could get some sleep, copies of all assets and financial-legal documents and things that are near and dear to you, should your wife take revenge on your possessions Some women have been know to set fire to a leaving spouse's things or just dump the possessions on the sidewalk or in the yard-alley or trash. What you might consider is renting a storage unit and placing your stuff worth keeping there a couple of weeks before you leave. Still the best advice is what I bolded above. One thing I have slowly learned is to stand up for myself more than I did 5 years ago. If you don't often times the shit sandwich you have now could repeat itself with someone new. Some people are never happy so learn how to deal with that type of person now. It will be to your advantage in the long run. I can suggest a book "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" by Susan Jeffers www.amazon.com/Feel-Fear-Do-Anyway/dp/0345487427
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 1, 2020 23:09:25 GMT -5
In some places legally you’d be considered to have abandoned your spouse if you leave without obtaining a legal separation. Get leg advice before moving out.
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Post by ScottDinTN on Aug 2, 2020 8:32:56 GMT -5
Another thing I have done to downsize is to digitize (scan) every important document in the house. I was able to get rid of 3 or 4 totes of papers that way. And now they are easily accessible from anywhere. At least by me that is. Lol
Also makes it easier in the future. If she needs copies of things, I can just email her a copy and avoid hand delivering them wondering if I'll ever get them back.
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Post by lessingham on Aug 3, 2020 5:30:03 GMT -5
A friend of mine told me of his grandfather. At the end of WW2 he fled Lithuania to avoid the Red Army. He arrivex at tbe line between the East and American zones of partitioned Germany, carrying his worldly goods in a suitcase. The GI refused him passage as no refugees were allowed without papers.
"I am not a refugee I went for a walk and got lost."
"What's that?" asked the GI, pointing to the case.
His grandfather, without hesitation, threw it over a wall. "What's what?"
Laughing, the GI let him through.
That ability to throw away mere stuff for a life awed me.
I can leave with a suitcase of clothes, my Kindle and my car. The rest is "stuff."
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Post by mirrororchid on Aug 4, 2020 11:07:22 GMT -5
Sort of wondering about this and the "Just GO!" command. If and when the spouse tells you to leave, what do you do? Do you go? Sit tight and weather the shit storm of abuse? ...would you start to move items into a storage facility. I assume you would not have a place to go to so would be living in a hotel or whatever. ... 0:48 addresses your question. As for the "shitstorm of abuse"? Elaborate. Time to give you some ammo. I get the feeling your wife is used to you just accepting punches (maybe just verbal ones, but husband beaters exist and it's her shame, not the husband's). Time for her to get a nasty shock. (legal or rhetorical.) I'm tired of hearing you this miserable. Let's level up. |
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Post by lessingham on Aug 8, 2020 9:48:32 GMT -5
I can imagine a woman who wants you out of the house and you refuse can make your life hell on esrth, hence the term shit storm of abuse.
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 8, 2020 11:56:05 GMT -5
Worse would be losing everything because the court views your leaving without a legal separation as abandonment.
Anyway, you already get what most would view as a shit storm of abuse.
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Post by mirrororchid on Aug 10, 2020 6:21:28 GMT -5
I can imagine a woman who wants you out of the house and you refuse can make your life hell on esrth, hence the term shit storm of abuse. Okay. Like what? Insults? Throwing things? Burning your stuff? Badmouthing you to kids? What's she done before? No sweetiepie has you this penned in. She's done stuff before. She'll just do more of the same. Maybe take it up a notch or two. We're busting you out. There's a shit storm coming? Fine. Let's get you an umbrella, some disinfectant, a gas mask, and a truckload of COVID-contraband, septic safe TP. On another thread, Handy posted a Google Search link that may be relevant. I picked out one of the results: www.hg.org/legal-articles/constructive-desertion-in-maryland-34880#:~:text=A%20constructive%20desertion%20is%20when,the%20other%20spouse%20to%20leave. |
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Post by Chatter Fox on Oct 7, 2020 15:33:40 GMT -5
As others have mentioned, definitely get legal advice on whether physically leaving the house is wise. I read a book called "the 10 stupidest mistakes men make when faced with divorce" and physically leaving the home was one of the 10 mistakes.
I'd suggest picking up that book. It has a lot of good stuff in there. (And no I'm not being paid to say that. Lol)
If you decide you want to leave, then do so by filing for divorce but staying in the home until the divorce is final.
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