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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2016 19:57:15 GMT -5
So recently he and I were talking and he said, "Hon, we were in an unhappy marriage. You were the only one with the guts to leave."
This is the most he has said about his perspective on our marriage probably since we went to our first marriage counseling 15 years ago. It's surprisingly freeing. And perspective-changing. Instead of a selfish "sex-fiend" (really not, I don't want an abnormal quality or quantity, I just want an existent, non-starfish sexlife), I am a person with guts. It helps alot with the self-recrimination/loathing and second-guessing.
The longer we're apart the more he and I are returning to our usual sibling-like roles, much kinder to each other than in years though. I hope we can maintain this even through new relationships. Maybe I am delusional, but that is helping alot with the transition for now, I think for both of us but he never talks about his thoughts so who knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Post by angryspartan on May 31, 2016 20:02:32 GMT -5
I think he told you quite a bit. He knew it was a dead relationship, but didn't have the ability to end it. If I'm reading the tone correctly, I'd say he's at peace with your choice. Good luck to you as you move forward.
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Post by baza on May 31, 2016 20:18:55 GMT -5
After the initial kerfuffle when I left my deal, my ex missus and I forged a new relationship based on the reality of the situation, and were on reasonably good terms.
And I am sooo thankful for that.
Because she died suddenly and unexpectedly in April 2015.
I think if we had not already "made the peace", I would have had a much harder time dealing with that.
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2016 21:15:49 GMT -5
@helentishappy, I hope this helps you feel better about the whole thing.
I admit, I have mixed feelings about the fact that my now-ex did not seem to have too much trouble letting me go.
On the one hand - it hurts to think maybe he stopped loving me a long time ago, and just didn't have the guts to tell me.
On the other hand - I hate big scenes full of emotional trauma. And at least we are on fairly good terms now.
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Post by JMX on May 31, 2016 21:29:24 GMT -5
@helentishappy - yes ma'am! You have the guts to walk away and get out. I am happy it made you feel better  Big hugs! |
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Post by petrushka on May 31, 2016 21:38:18 GMT -5
@helentishappy , I hope this helps you feel better about the whole thing. I admit, I have mixed feelings about the fact that my now-ex did not seem to have too much trouble letting me go. On the one hand - it hurts to think maybe he stopped loving me a long time ago, and just didn't have the guts to tell me. On the other hand - I hate big scenes full of emotional trauma. And at least we are on fairly good terms now. It's just so sad when your partner disengages and doesn't bother to let you know, just happy to let things slide at _their_ new, lower, level of [dis]engagement. They're not even engaged enough any more to let us know. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. And it was the woman whom I considered to be the love of my life, nearly 40 years ago. |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Jun 9, 2016 13:37:02 GMT -5
Yay, Helen! It is really great to hear it FROM HIM and realize that many of the things we tell ourselves are in fact - true! You're strong = true! You have initiative = true! It took guts to make the first move to end a mediocre (or bad) relationship = true!
You're broken = NOT true. Unlovable = NOT true. Must be the refused has issues = NOT true.
Brave. Courageous. Prepared to do what it takes to find, build, and nurture a relationship that is worthy of the energy you have to give it. THAT is Helen. True. :-)
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Post by Deleted on Jun 9, 2016 16:37:01 GMT -5
This is really beautiful, @helentishappy. Good for you guys. But especially for you knowing when to pull the plug and move you both on to greener pastures and a healthier relationship apart. I hope it does last. It sounds like a very real possibility. There's hope on the other side!!
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 12, 2016 14:30:29 GMT -5
You did him a great service. Now comes the time to find your own joy. Test the waters put your toe in the pool.
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