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Post by carl on Jul 3, 2020 23:46:26 GMT -5
I don’t know if my wife is gay or not. But sadly I imagine that sexual orientation plays a part in some sexless marriages. My thoughts really are with the straight partner who has been, as the thread says, lied to. Nobody who believes they are gay has to marry anybody let alone a straight girl. They have the freedom to choose who they marry so it doesn’t make sense at all that they would “have to marry.” I guess the straight girl can choose if and who she marries. Well she can at least choose if she marries. Maybe not who she marries if she’s getting lied to. Anybody can lie. It’s not hard. Down to choice. There is not need to hide. Acceptance of how you are made is the key to being in a fulfilling satisfying relationship.
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fish
Junior Member
Posts: 29
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by fish on Jul 4, 2020 2:20:57 GMT -5
This is an interesting topic. I'm bisexual and told my wife about it on our second date, so never hid it. She thought it was exciting and we had a MMF threesome, she even encouraged me to go out and have sex with men (I did once or twice). Of course I thought that I had found the perfect partner who understood me completely and wanted me to be happy, and I loved her for that. Then she went off sex after we got married and announced that she had been humiliated by my bisexuality and wished she had never encouraged me, and said that she never wanted me to talk about it ever again. She completely shut down a big part of my personality and made me ashamed of who I am. I am sure that everyone is on the scale of bisexuality to some extent, we just choose how much of that we admit to ourselves. Sex is fun and healthy, and variety makes life more interesting. I never felt more in love with my wife than after I had sex with another man and told her all about it. I felt more accepted, understood and loved by her than ever, and it definitely brought us closer, and the sex we had after was just mind blowing. That's a distant memory now. I would have, and still would, encourage her to have sex outside the marriage as I think with full honesty and discussion it is a positive thing. If my wife came out as bi or lesbian I would cry with relief. It would mean some honesty at last and an explanation for the hell of the last 16 years, and some hope. blueguy I find the concept of asexuality hard to accept. Sexuality is such a fundamental and necessary human form of expression. I'm sure that asexuality comes from a variety of underlying causes, all of which are unhealthy, either a hormonal imbalance, or a psychological problem, and it is not just a natural state. Everyone has the ability to be sexual in the right circumstances. My wife would probably describe herself as asexual now, but she used to be very sexual when she wanted me to marry her and wanted to fall pregnant. I think that asexuality is an excuse. Much easier to say 'I'm asexual!!' than have to face looking for a reason why your libido is zero, which may be painful. In the mean time partners suffer, and the 'asexual' person misses out on a wonderful part of life.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 4, 2020 7:07:19 GMT -5
My expectation for an answer to this question would be that it is a pretty small number. The % of the population that is homosexual or bi sexual is fairly small. It is now legal for same sex couples to marry and in many states to adopt children and lead normal lives for the most part. Although it might be true that homosexuality is still regarded as a deviant behavior by many, it isn't something that is likely to prevent anyone from achieving their goals in life, at least here in the US. I expect that what few cases of hidden agendas in this forum are centered around hiding one's sexuality, it's far more likely to be where the one party sees marriage as a means to financial or social status or to please one's parents than it is to snooker the hetero partner, although the hetero partner does get snookered when it happens.
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Post by saarinista on Jul 4, 2020 13:03:49 GMT -5
Please remember that LGBTQ individuals have only gained the right to marry in the US where I live during last five or six years. That's very recent. When most of us last hot laid or certainly married, Greenwich Village and Haight-Asbury were the only place peoples could be openly gay. 🙄 (Okay, maybe it hasn't been QUITE that long since we had sex or got hitched, but still, you get my drift.) Let us revisit recent key dates moving us toward equality of marriages-hopefully filled with sex!- for non-heteronormative persons. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_same-sex_marriage?wprov=sfla1Here are some key dates in lieu of the long Wikipedia article. -In 2001, the dependably uber-progressive locales of the Netherlands and Finland made same sex marriage legal. -From the mid 00s forward, same-sex marriage laws started gaining approval in scattered municipalities, mainly liberal, urban enclaves, in various Westernized nations. -In October of 2014, I provided spectacular floral arrangements for the pastoral blessing ceremony of a civil union and the subsequent reception at my Episcopalian church located in metro Atlanta, Georgia. -On 14 May 2015, same sex marriage became legal in the Pitcairn Islands, as it is in most other British Overseas Territories. God save the Queen! 😌🤔😉 (Fun fact: this is where I plan to move if things don't get better in the US. I won't be moving there to marry a girl, though! I just plan to escape all in craziness by isolating in the middle of the Pacific. 🤦♀️) -On 26 June 2015, same-sex marriage became legal in the entire United States of America as a result of the Supreme Court ruling Obergefell v. Hodges. Marriages started immediately-except in Louisiana and Mississippi.🙁 I think Louisiana and Mississippi have caught up now, though it make still be tough to find a friendly wedding cake baker or florist in rural areas thereof. Haha. I'm a writer at heart. Anyway, I couldn't be happier about all of the above. Loving with integrity and honesty is the only way to go. God nows I'm trying to live up to that statement, however imperfectly. To summarize: until quite recently, LGBTQ individuals still had plenty of motivation to enter into heteronormative institutions because they didn't have anything even APPROACHING equal opportunities to form committed relationships respectful of their actual sexuality. In most places, it's much more difficult for them to be parents than it is for straight couples. In some parts of the world, openly gay people are at risk for the death penalty. LGBTQ individuals still are somewhere on the spectrum of gaining full acceptance of their humanity.
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Post by Handy on Jul 4, 2020 16:33:59 GMT -5
Saarinista Pitcairn Islands, as it is in most other British Overseas Territories. God save the Queen! 😌🤔😉 (Fun fact: this is where I plan to move if things don't get better in the US. I won't be moving there to marry a girl, though! I just plan to escape all in craziness by isolating in the middle of the Pacific.
No Walmart on Pitcairn Island and the mail takes a long time to get there.
How about considering New Zealand instead? You could maybe visit Petrushka.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 4, 2020 16:46:27 GMT -5
Saarinista...You have to be careful when you consider relocating to an island. After I graduated from college I heard that a teacher that I had up and moved to the Falklands. This teacher was rabidly anti war. He relocated to the Falklands around the end of 1981 so as to live out the rest of his life in tranquility. Can you guess what happened in April of 1982?
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Post by saarinista on Jul 4, 2020 17:07:29 GMT -5
Saarinista...You have to be careful when you consider relocating to an island. After I graduated from college I heard that a teacher that I had up and moved to the Falklands. This teacher was rabidly anti war. He relocated to the Falklands around the end of 1981 so as to live out the rest of his life in tranquility. Can you guess what happened in April of 1982? Wow interesting. Of course I remember the Falklands. So did he end up moving back to the US?
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Post by saarinista on Jul 4, 2020 17:08:44 GMT -5
Handy I have heard a 500k investment is required to move to New Zealand. I don't have it.
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Post by Handy on Jul 4, 2020 17:25:18 GMT -5
Saarinista go to NZ as a student. I think the 500K is for almost instant residency or citizenship. $500K, that is a lot of aluminum soda cans to pick up. I wonder if they allow multiple wives on Pitcairn Island. Maybe you could be an extra wife or maybe there are more single men than women on the island. Just kidding. I would want something better for you. I think way back when, extra women were something the island men wanted. While I have watched videos of Pitcairn Island, I really do not know that much about the island.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 4, 2020 18:07:38 GMT -5
Saarinista...You have to be careful when you consider relocating to an island. After I graduated from college I heard that a teacher that I had up and moved to the Falklands. This teacher was rabidly anti war. He relocated to the Falklands around the end of 1981 so as to live out the rest of his life in tranquility. Can you guess what happened in April of 1982? Wow interesting. Of course I remember the Falklands. So did he end up moving back to the US? I have no idea where he ended up. It was just something I heard.
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Post by lessingham on Jul 5, 2020 3:04:19 GMT -5
My wife never wears xresses, has short hair anx loves male shirts. But has never once shown any gay tendencies. She is probably asexual more than anything.
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Post by warmways on Jul 15, 2020 13:36:42 GMT -5
As I gain more time and distance from that sexless touchlessnaffection less everything less marriage I ow have behind me, I feel more and more strongly that he is gay. It just keeps adding up.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 17, 2020 10:13:25 GMT -5
As I gain more time and distance from that sexless touchlessnaffection less everything less marriage I ow have behind me, I feel more and more strongly that he is gay. It just keeps adding up. So, what does this, 'revelation' do to you? Mentally I would think, it takes you down ,even another notch? It would be easy to feel even more rejected,and that you are somehow to blame for this? That you let yourself be fooled, that you where to codependent and had to "save/help" him? The bright part of this is that "it is now the past". No longer your monkeys, not your circus!. You are now much better equipped to handle,avoiding such a situation again!
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Post by warmways on Jul 17, 2020 22:34:38 GMT -5
It’s weird. I don’t have a strong reaction. . It explains a lot which is good but as time passes I think or worry less and less about it. I don’t feel any blame at all for not realizing it. I don’t blame myself for being fooled or being codependent.
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