Revelation that got me wondering...
Apr 23, 2020 14:17:50 GMT -5
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northstarmom, ironhamster, and 3 more like this
Post by tiredofbeinglonely on Apr 23, 2020 14:17:50 GMT -5
We are a bit stuck due to COVID...but I am in the process of divorce. In this process, the kids and I have learned that my husband/their father was never emotionally available...he is on the autism spectrum. The person I knew in the beginning was simply a puppet/robot...regurgitating back what he thought a relationship, marriage should be. For a period of time, he was successful. Over time, and as the kids got older, he could not keep up the lie. He became self absorbed, greedy, angry, mean. He did horrible things to us...and things that hurt us financially. I realized there was a problem, but really thought it was more about mental illness...because he was once a loving and caring person...or so I thought. We forgave many things, offered fresh starts. How I wish I could go back in time and leave...sooner than now. I wish I had shielded my kids from the emotional emptiness and greed he displayed. They have suffered greatly due to his actions/words...and lack of availability. So have I.
A therapist pointed me to reading that brought to light a lot for me. We suffered for a lifetime from Cassandra's Phenomenon. It's basically like PTSD for those who live a life of fear, anxiety, emotion deprivation, etc. It will take time to undo.
It made me start to wonder...how many of us are in the same boat? Sex is rarely important, or wanted, to those on the spectrum. What started as weekly...became a few times a year, quickly became never. The ability to disconnect like that...how many are suffering as I did? I remember a few years ago, bringing the idea of aspergers to his therapist, and he disagreed. Really, my husband was just good at playing parts and appearing "like everyone else".
It was devastating to know that the marriage has all been a lie...even what I thought was love. I truly hope that one day I will know real love and that my kids will see past this...to what a real marriage should be.
A therapist pointed me to reading that brought to light a lot for me. We suffered for a lifetime from Cassandra's Phenomenon. It's basically like PTSD for those who live a life of fear, anxiety, emotion deprivation, etc. It will take time to undo.
It made me start to wonder...how many of us are in the same boat? Sex is rarely important, or wanted, to those on the spectrum. What started as weekly...became a few times a year, quickly became never. The ability to disconnect like that...how many are suffering as I did? I remember a few years ago, bringing the idea of aspergers to his therapist, and he disagreed. Really, my husband was just good at playing parts and appearing "like everyone else".
It was devastating to know that the marriage has all been a lie...even what I thought was love. I truly hope that one day I will know real love and that my kids will see past this...to what a real marriage should be.
