I never thought I would be writing here
May 30, 2016 22:10:37 GMT -5
Isabellas39, DryCreek, and 2 more like this
Post by comfortablynumb on May 30, 2016 22:10:37 GMT -5
In some ways I don't know why I am writing, whether to vent or more likely to seek advice. A lot of what I write I know will be my fault due to my anger issues but like the chicken and egg argument, is my anger the cause or the result? I suppose I would like some feedback from the good people in this forum. I will give history and current status.
I met my wife some 30 years ago. She was getting a divorce and so was I. My first marriage lasted about a year and a half until I realized that I had just gotten married to someone I didn't feel any different about than any other partner I had had. I just felt it was time.
We lived together but did not get married until 6 years ago, We have not had sex in over 15 years. When we met we were in our mid thirties. Things were great, we were both very sexual and enjoyed doing lots of "fun" things like making videos, going to swing clubs, nude beaches, tying up, fisting, dressing up...you get the point...we were fairly uninhibited. I thought she was the hottest thing that ever walked the planet. Not because of her looks, (though she looked great) but because of her sexuality. We would spend hours openly discussing our sexual fantasies and then exploring them during sex by playing into each others fantasies with dialogue.
Somewhere along the line, she seemed to slowly lose interest in our uninhibited behavior. She claimed that I was not affectionate enough during sex and she was right. By then, I started feeling that she was no longer communicative or willing to be adventurous and I was right. I made an effort to be more loving and tender but I either failed at it or she never made the effort to return to her more "sexual" behavior. At some point I remember saying, "you know...we haven't done anything fun lately like make a video" she responded that she wasn't of a mind to do so at that time. The request came up a few more times over the months and she made it clear that she wasn't in the mood. There was less and less discussion of sex, we both put on lots of weight, (not that it would make a difference to me, I am turned on by what's in her head not what a women looks like). I lost interest in making a video or doing anything adventurous. When she finally brought it up, some time later (about talking about sex or doing something adventurous) I said no. When she asked why I told her a story that if a man comes home time after time and asked his wife to make steak and she consistently says that she is not in the mood or has no desire to make it, he eventually loses his desire for steak and it becomes unimportant. And so it has been for the longest time. No discussion of sex. I avoid it and now so does she. I will walk out of the room if there is a sex scene in a movie. I have become angry and intolerant of her and she has become more careless about things like keeping a nice house.
Now tracing back a bit, as discussions (and sex) were waning, she admitted that although she had a few partners during her life, there was nothing especially pleasant about being penetrated. I communicated that sometimes the oohs and aahs that I heard during sex were put on (though she denied that). To this day, if I watch porn on the computer, I HATE the phony OOHS and AAHS and prefer some genuine DIALOGUE during sex. Some of the best sex of my life was when there was sex talk during sex. Big turn on.
So now, every time I even think about initiating with her, I realize I am too angry to do so. As the sex was tapering down over 15 years ago, when I would have sex with her I would feel empty and guilty afterwards. To the point where when she tried to initiate oral sex, I actually stopped her.
Any way, now i am rambling, but the bottom line is that I would like to get back what I had. I have had 2 brief affairs that provided exciting encounters for me but I won't do that anymore because it's just wrong to betray her like that. If she found out it would break her heart and I can't do that to her. She has otherwise been a supportive, kind, understanding person. Everyone loves her, including me but we are no different than a brother and sister living in the same house.
I welcome any observations. Incidentally, we are both now in our mid 60's and I still have a rabid interest in sex.
Thanks
I met my wife some 30 years ago. She was getting a divorce and so was I. My first marriage lasted about a year and a half until I realized that I had just gotten married to someone I didn't feel any different about than any other partner I had had. I just felt it was time.
We lived together but did not get married until 6 years ago, We have not had sex in over 15 years. When we met we were in our mid thirties. Things were great, we were both very sexual and enjoyed doing lots of "fun" things like making videos, going to swing clubs, nude beaches, tying up, fisting, dressing up...you get the point...we were fairly uninhibited. I thought she was the hottest thing that ever walked the planet. Not because of her looks, (though she looked great) but because of her sexuality. We would spend hours openly discussing our sexual fantasies and then exploring them during sex by playing into each others fantasies with dialogue.
Somewhere along the line, she seemed to slowly lose interest in our uninhibited behavior. She claimed that I was not affectionate enough during sex and she was right. By then, I started feeling that she was no longer communicative or willing to be adventurous and I was right. I made an effort to be more loving and tender but I either failed at it or she never made the effort to return to her more "sexual" behavior. At some point I remember saying, "you know...we haven't done anything fun lately like make a video" she responded that she wasn't of a mind to do so at that time. The request came up a few more times over the months and she made it clear that she wasn't in the mood. There was less and less discussion of sex, we both put on lots of weight, (not that it would make a difference to me, I am turned on by what's in her head not what a women looks like). I lost interest in making a video or doing anything adventurous. When she finally brought it up, some time later (about talking about sex or doing something adventurous) I said no. When she asked why I told her a story that if a man comes home time after time and asked his wife to make steak and she consistently says that she is not in the mood or has no desire to make it, he eventually loses his desire for steak and it becomes unimportant. And so it has been for the longest time. No discussion of sex. I avoid it and now so does she. I will walk out of the room if there is a sex scene in a movie. I have become angry and intolerant of her and she has become more careless about things like keeping a nice house.
Now tracing back a bit, as discussions (and sex) were waning, she admitted that although she had a few partners during her life, there was nothing especially pleasant about being penetrated. I communicated that sometimes the oohs and aahs that I heard during sex were put on (though she denied that). To this day, if I watch porn on the computer, I HATE the phony OOHS and AAHS and prefer some genuine DIALOGUE during sex. Some of the best sex of my life was when there was sex talk during sex. Big turn on.
So now, every time I even think about initiating with her, I realize I am too angry to do so. As the sex was tapering down over 15 years ago, when I would have sex with her I would feel empty and guilty afterwards. To the point where when she tried to initiate oral sex, I actually stopped her.
Any way, now i am rambling, but the bottom line is that I would like to get back what I had. I have had 2 brief affairs that provided exciting encounters for me but I won't do that anymore because it's just wrong to betray her like that. If she found out it would break her heart and I can't do that to her. She has otherwise been a supportive, kind, understanding person. Everyone loves her, including me but we are no different than a brother and sister living in the same house.
I welcome any observations. Incidentally, we are both now in our mid 60's and I still have a rabid interest in sex.
Thanks
