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Post by lessingham on Feb 24, 2020 4:15:30 GMT -5
Long story short. My sister has a son who is terminal with a nasty lingering disease. His mental health is also collapsing , so much so that he refuses to see family members. She visits once a month. Anyhow when I went on my birthday trip I was in the same city as him. She mentioned this and I replied if I had known I would have visited. She said I knew and the fact I had forgotten was an insult and is not talking. I cannot recall her ever mentioning the city, ever. She has kept him isolated from the family, no one visits but the agony of his plight is awful. We all try to support her through this. I want to apologise to her but cannot apologise for forgetting something I never knew. Do I just man up and apologise anyway? The childishness of not talking annoys me but I presume I swallow this and go from there? My baby sister has intimated my big sister is about ready to hear my apology.
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Post by baza on Feb 24, 2020 5:35:26 GMT -5
Personal opinion only - people who want to play the "not speaking to you" card suit me just fine.
The less I hear from such people the better.
I would be doing NOTHING to encourage her to break her silence.
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Post by baza on Feb 24, 2020 16:31:22 GMT -5
Brother lessingham . I am speculating here, and could be well off the mark, and it might appear to be a bit "judgey" too, so I apologise in advance. It looks like you have at least two women in your life (your missus and now a sister) who adopt bombastic attitudes toward you and seem to think it their God given right to run your life for you and to control what you do and when you do it. Are there (or were there in the past) more ? Is there a pattern there ? |
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Post by DryCreek on Feb 24, 2020 20:47:18 GMT -5
lessingham, it really doesn’t matter if she told you and you don’t recall, or she’s wrong about telling you in the first place. You might try taking the approach that regardless of the backstory, you didn’t snub him intentionally, you regret missing the opportunity to see him, and it would be unfortunate if it became an issue that divided your family. I’d be inclined to have a lot of patience with someone whose child is in the last stages of a terminal illness. The emotional stress must be intense. That said, I have a lot of frustration with the logic that “you must be misremembering, but my recollection is perfect”. I run into this with W often... apparently, were not equally fallible humans.
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Post by lessingham on Feb 25, 2020 4:10:21 GMT -5
Unto the third generation, Baza. My mother debased me in preference to her perfect daughters. My sisters kept me in my place and my wife took over.
My nephew could die tomorrow or in ten years time. It is a cruel and nasty disease that takes but never strikes the killer blow. He rejects us all.
The main bug bear here is this silence thing. If you have a problem with me, for God's sake tell me so I can defend myself or make amends. And I agree about perfect memory syndrome, it annoys.
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Post by baza on Feb 25, 2020 4:26:58 GMT -5
Maybe that particular issue of feeling subservient to women close to you is something worth exploring with a counsellor Brother lessingham. If you got a handle on that issue and sorted that particular bit of shit out, a whole new vista might open up for you. But sorting it out is likely to be difficult and challenging, and is unlikely to be a short term thing either. Could be a big pay off longer term though. |
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Post by lessingham on Feb 26, 2020 6:11:11 GMT -5
It is Ash Wednesday so I am phoning her one more time. If she does not pick up, I walked the extra mile
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Post by northstarmom on Feb 26, 2020 9:59:57 GMT -5
I don’t understand why — if your nephew refuses to see visitors — you told your sister that you would have visited if you’d known he was in the city you visited. Seems that would have been a waste of time.
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Post by lessingham on Mar 2, 2020 4:30:49 GMT -5
We are talking again, albiet on eggshells but getting there.
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