In our/this group, the member is "in a relationship" However, the relationship is that of an ILIASM shithole. That is to say, not a very good relationship.
The next step forward - if there is to be one - is you sorting out your own shit and gathering your resources to get out of the not very good relationship you're in, and that has to be a stand alone choice, independent of anything else. And, by necessity, that means not being in a relationship (good or bad) for a time, maybe a long time, maybe forever more.
Now in practical terms, this "never being in another relationship" is a rarity. There are member after members stories here where - having gotten out of their ILIASM shithole, they've gone on to bigger and better things as far as relationships go. But that, is another stand alone issue and has nothing to do with getting out of the existing ILIASM shithole.
If you get your own shit sorted out post ILIASM, you will handle being single OK. And, as a single person - with your own shit sorted out - you will be presenting as a pretty attractive (and most importantly *available*) persona to the world ... and where that might lead you to is yet another question, and yet further choices for you to make.
Key thing - get your own shit figured out. Then, the path forward looks a whole lot clearer.
Sorting out your own shit is a really good ides, irrespective of what choice you make about the continuation of, or cessation of, your present relationship.
Post by caballotierra on Feb 9, 2020 20:29:50 GMT -5
greatcoastalbaza I think the article can also related to the post SM life, where you are sort of floating around wanting to be in a relationship but not ready for one. My former manager was goign through her own divorce, and she was champing at the bit to get into a replacement relationship. I am not really the dating type, and I'm much more committed than the average dude (i've been told); but I also am not ready to get into a new relationship. Maybe I could have fun, but even that feels a little thin to me.
Being single is great in that I'm finally in a peaceful house by myself. If i decide not to wipe my counter off that night, I'm not going to get the stink eye for it. I love that part of it.
But it is a shift trying to fill that need for companionship with friends. Married friends already have the companionship box checked, and I've just found for whatever reason that a lot of single people are not interested in just hanging out. Or they're in their 20s. Or their 70s. It's all the wild west.
Can people say--what did their lives look like as newly single? Did they jump back into dating? Just screw around? Stay at home and play video games? Join fitness groups? Travel? It's very new, and I'm struck how much I just get to make this whole thing up. I have no idea if I'm doing the right thing or what.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
petrushka: In my world view, you are buying into some really shitty memes there.
Nov 5, 2019 17:25:20 GMT -5
apocrypha: The "feminist agenda" has changed across the past 60 years. Some feminists of the 60's call the current iteration "fainting couch feminism", thinking it a subversion and betrayal of women's lib. Hard to get a bead on what folks think, using a broad label.
Nov 8, 2019 9:37:14 GMT -5
apocrypha: No aspect of that article (which I amount to a magazine offering bad diet advice) promotes rape, coercion (beyond seduction), sexual assault, and I don't understand your public performance suggesting that they would be and thus implicating bfar.
Nov 8, 2019 9:41:51 GMT -5
mirrororchid: pfar, being sensitive means understanding how others think and feel. It doesn't mean you are compelled to adopt their thoughts and feelings. This is a matter of understanding people including loved ones. If you aren't sensitive, you lack tools to
Nov 11, 2019 8:09:49 GMT -5
mirrororchid: live well. You need not soften, but you should be able to understand vulnerability. Recognizing others' distress provides me with cues when I need to use self-control or extend help. If you're strong, you should be helping others. Use what works.
Nov 11, 2019 8:14:06 GMT -5
worksforme2: You know who I miss ...I miss smartkat and andie..and snowman 12345
Nov 14, 2019 9:16:44 GMT -5