Sexless spouse = sexless siblings? Feb 3, 2020 10:28:45 GMT -5
Post by apocrypha on Feb 3, 2020 10:28:45 GMT -5
I used to hold to the "sexual anorexia" theory with my ex-wife as well. She also had addiction problems and an eating disorder, and I came to read her method of problem solving as being passive-aggressive, rather than through productive direct conflict. Because I felt "controlled" by her behavior, I ascribed this motivation to being about her control of me.
My post-marriage understanding presents a simpler solution that still encompasses the same elements, but that also accounts for what seems to be a normal sex life with others, apart from her marriage to me.
I can see that her similar family life gave her maladaptive habits for pursuing a suitable partner and for existing in a long term relationship. Her method of assertion was unproductive, causing her to alternately give up her own preferences and then to blame her dissatisfaction on her partner and sabotage the relationship. The celibacy wasn't to control me - it was the result of her simply not seeing me as a suitable sexual partner. She'd be having sex with someone she didn't want to - in that case. It was important to her NOT to have sex with someone she doesn't see that way.
Once I accepted this extremely harsh truth, I was able to let go and move forward.